AITA for refusing to spend both christmas and NYE with my in-laws?

A Reddit user shares their hesitation about spending both Christmas and New Year’s Eve with their in-laws, especially after a year of their generosity. Despite appreciating their help, the user values their limited free time and wants to spend one holiday at home. Are they being unreasonable for setting these boundaries? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to spend both christmas and NYE with my in-laws?’

My in-laws want me and my fiancé to come over on Christmas, which makes sense and isn’t a problem. However they’ve decided they want to do the gift giving on NYE’s which is just too much for me. I don’t come from a family where we do gifts anyway so for me it’s not even necessary, but they’ve already bought mine so now I feel obliged to get them their gifts as well, which for me takes away the entire idea of gift giving, I feel like it has to be organic and spontaneous.

I don’t mind spending time with them at all, but we’ve also already gone on a 4-day holiday last week with them, so spending all my free time hanging out with them is just a bit too much for me, especially since I work unregular hours and don’t have a lot of free time anyway. I would like to spend one Christmas day and NYE in my own home, which I don’t think is a big ask anyway. They did help us out a lot this year though, so I feel like a b**ch for thinking this.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. This is a discussion to have with your boyfriend, not in this forum. You and he should come up with something that allows you free time to recharge and be away from family obligations while, at the same time, not impose on the people around you. This would not be the first time that one member of a couple has stayed at home while the other visits the parents, only to be joined later during the visit. The idea should be to be flexible while considerate of one another’s preferences.

HumanShampoo −  Based on the situation as you’ve described, I would say no you are not the a**hole, it’s completely fair to not wanna spend both Christmas and NYE with the same exact people, plus them waiting with Christmas gives exchange till NYE seems very strange, is that a tradition in your fiance’s family? And what does your fiance think about this dilemma?

pottersquash −  NAH. Seems fair. Now the gift giving thing you gotta be open and honest about that. If you don’t believe in exchanging chirstmas/end of year gifts, ok but thats a culture departure that needs to be voiced before the season.

Reasonable-Sale8611 −  Just because they helped you doesn’t mean you now owe them your left leg. It’s ok to NOT give in to their demands that you spend both holidays with them. As you said yourself, you just went on a 4-day holiday with them last week. Good grief!

Worth-Season3645 −  More info….So they want to do Christmas gifts on NYE, but yet, you will still see them on Christmas Day?

clinging2thecross −  Have you talked to your fiancé about this? That would be the first place to see what they think and then go from there.

OkSecretary1231 −  YTA, I think. I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to spend NYE with your in-laws. To me that’s a romantic and friends’ holiday, on which to dress sexy and get drunk lol. Not to mind my p’s and q’s with my in-laws.
But they don’t actually want you to go there on Christmas at all, from the sound of it, so there’s no need to feel put-upon about going there on Christmas. Just don’t. See them another time.

And it’s IMO not reasonable to expect that gift-giving will be perfectly “spontaneous” when it comes to your in-laws or other immediate family. Like…you know what in-laws you have and that it’s their tradition to exchange gifts, and Christmas comes at the same time every year.

I had started to type ESH, but I don’t actually see anything done wrong by your in-laws here. They’re just different from your family. Stay home on Christmas, maybe go on New Year’s for the gift exchange and then go home in the evening and spend the midnight hour with your fiance.