I (24F) have been with bf (25M) since freshman year of college. All’s good in relationship but I want to break up. Advice?!

A 24-year-old woman has been in a loving, stable relationship with her boyfriend (25M) for five years. Everything is going well — he’s kind, treats her well, and sees a future together. However, she feels like she’s lost the spark and is craving independence before settling down. She’s afraid of breaking his heart, especially since he’s introverted and may struggle emotionally. She’s seeking advice on how to handle this difficult decision. Read the full story below.

‘ I (24F) have been with bf (25M) since freshman year of college. All’s good in relationship but I want to break up. Advice?!’

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and things are going well. Nothing’s inherently wrong. He treats me well, and we have a good routine going on for the both of us. BUT, recently I haven’t been feeling like I used to. I honestly feel like I’ve lost a little spark, even when we’re intimate it’s not like how it used to be for me.

And ever since I’ve been in a relationship for so long I kinda crave being by myself and just being single before I think of settling down and marriage in general. The hardest thing is that my boyfriend is really an angel and I truly care about him, so I am just so afraid of breaking his heart like this.

I know that he definitely sees himself marrying me, but I’m not there yet. Things have just gotten so comfortable that idk how to go about it. I know eventually if I don’t do this I will regret it later.

But it’s so hard, I’m so genuinely scared of hurting him. And he is a big introvert so after j leave I just know he’ll most likely go spiral into depression and I can’t bear thinking about that. I just need some perspective and advice 😔🙏

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Forward-Associate453 −  There’s different stages of a relationship, and this is one of them. If you feel satisfied with your relationship as it is now, in the sense of that he gives you attention, affection, love, makes you feel loved and appreciated and you have good communication and a good common ground,

why throw away 90% to go looking for the missing 10%? The grass isn’t always greener on other side. I would say you should talk to him about some insecurities that have built up and maybe try couple therapy and reigniting the spark that was there from the beginning.

Milled_Oats −  I had a boss who chased the spark when it faded in a relationship. He has been married five times. Spark comes and goes in long relationships. You can reignite it through traveling together, some time apart ( but being productive like studying or new work) , planning romantic events, etc.

If you do leave then leave your partner alone for good. Clean breaks are better than slowly separating. I advise also having six months without dating and just finding yourself. Beware it could be the worst mistake of your life or your best decision. Good luck

Imaginary-Badger-119 −  Do it he deserves better then to be strung along.

Wafflehouseofpain −  This seems a lot like a “grass is always greener” scenario. Trust me. It isn’t. The grass is greenest where you water it.

Just_wondering2482 −  Finding someone that you have a genuine connection with who you love and who loves you dearly is very hard to find especially in this day and age of dating apps and social media.

Everything is too accessible now and people seem more likely to throw away something good just to “explore” just to realize it wasn’t worth it in the end. Seems like you’re taking the relationship and your partner for granted. Which happens often in long term relationships especially if you feel like something is missing.

However, Ask yourself if it’s worth it and if this is just a momentary feeling you’re having, also ask yourself WHY you’re feeling that way and what you and your partner can do to ease that feeling. FOMO is a real thing but it is a momentary feeling a lot of the time. You don’t want to ruin something great for a momentary feeling.

Don’t act in impulse and really do some introspection. If you want to end it that is up to you in the end. But whatever consequences follow it is what it is and I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

Blainefeinspains −  You should leave. No one should have to invest time and effort into caring for a person that doesn’t want to be with them.

YuansMoon −  If you need to go find a bad boy to treat you badly, they are waiting on dating apps for you. Your BF will be OK. He’ll hurt but most people survive big heartbreak.. Go find your abuser and live life.

xelas1983 −  It sounds like you are at the most annoying crossroads in the world and many, many people have been there before you. The problem here is that you need to experience something to know if you really want it and without breaking up with him and experience what else life can be, you won’t know if you really want it.

The annoying part is that a lot of the people who end a good relationship to figure out what else is out there end up regretting it down the line. They end up questioning why they threw away a good thing. Meanwhile, a lot the people who stay regret never experimenting.

You have to just make the decision that you think is right for you and make the best of what comes of it. If you constantly worry about the road not take, then you ruin what happens next before it can fail on its own.

LostWon____ −  I was in a similar situation, except I was the boyfriend. It’s been 6 years and it still feels like absolute s**t. It doesn’t help that the few times we are in contact, she tells me she still loves me tremendously and that she will never find anyone that gave her what I did.

I wish she would have given us the opportunity to get through that stage of our relationship together instead of ending things abruptly (after we had already got engaged and had the wedding booked). Being on the receiving end of this sucks, and if my ex fiancée is being honest then being the one calling it quits sucks too.

OP, please communicate the way you are feeling with your partner. Try some therapy together if possible. Hell, if you can’t afford therapy, try using chat gpt together to try and work through some of this. If you give it a shot together then both of you won’t be left with the pain of the what-ifs.

milkcarton001 −  If you decide to leave, then stay gone. Seems like you’re too entangled in what your girlfriends/social media have to say about being single and the “if you’re not overjoyed at every second, you should leave” narrative being forced down your throat. And you wanna see your options. At the expense of a great relationship, because your long term relationship isn’t still in the honeymoon phase anymore. You really gotta grow up.

Sometimes relationships don’t end because of something wrong — they end because people grow in different directions. It takes courage to leave a good relationship when your heart is pulling you elsewhere. What advice would you give her? Have you experienced a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!