Getting a paternity test ‘31m’ ‘28f’?

A 31-year-old man from Ireland suspects he may have fathered a child during a brief relationship in Dubai nearly four years ago. Despite initially being told he wasn’t the father, doubts linger due to the child’s name and evolving responses from the child’s mother.

After years of uncertainty, the mother is now open to discussing a DNA test, but her inconsistent communication and the child’s current living situation complicate matters. He seeks advice on how to navigate this delicate situation. Read the full story below.

‘ Getting a paternity test ‘31m’ ‘28f’?’

Hey Guys, So around 3 nearly 4 years ago I was in Dubai working remotely for a month (I’m from Ireland btw). I ended up meeting a girl from the Philippines on a dating app and one thing led to another and we hooked up.

A few months later I was back in Ireland for a little bit before I headed off again to Thailand remote working again. I still followed her on instagram and seen she was pregnant.

Immediately I messaged her to see if it was possible I was the father as the timelines kind of lined up pretty close. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was someone else’s kid simply with how forward this girl had been with wanting to hook up with me.

But anyway I asked her could I do a dna test when the child was born but she told me there was no point because she knew it wasn’t my kid. As she was from Philippines living in Dubai, she told me she had to go back to her country to have the child as there are Islamic laws not in her favour of having a child out of wedlock.

I told her that if she did a dna test before the child was born and it turned to be my son then she could come to Ireland and have him there as even though we weren’t together I’d wanna help out if it was in fact my kid.

She argued against it saying it definitely isn’t my kid and why do I care etc.. When she had the kid I found it strange she named him similar to my name, so my sir name is Reilly and her sir name is dualduo and she called the child Adam Reilly dualduo. When I questioned her on this she said she didn’t know it was my name, which I find very strange because outside of Ireland reilly spelled that way (not Riley) is not very common.

Since then the child is about 3 or 4 years old, he lives with his grandma in Dubai and the mother moved to Miami. She works in real estate there. I told my parents because I wanted to see what they thought, and if it was my kid I don’t wanna uproot him from his current living situation but I would move to Dubai as soon as possible to be apart of his life.

My dad told me that he didn’t think the kid looked like me and that if I was the dad he thinks she would have pursued me for child support and stuff. It eats me up a lot as I really wanna know. In this situation what could I do ? Or is there even anything I can do ? I assume everything would have to go through the mother’s wishes but she doesn’t even look after him now?

** UPDATE: I’ve messaged her and she said she’s not sure now that I’m not the father. So we’re talking about a dna test now. **

** UPDATE: The mom isn’t making a lot of sense. Apparently now the child is living in Philippines with her aunty and grandmom. She said to potentially do the test after his 3rd birthday in Jan.**

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

elgrn1 −  You should seek legal advice. Who knows what the legal position is between an Irish father, Filipino mother, and a child conceived and living in Dubai with a grandparent, while his mother is in America.

Technically what you did while in Dubai is illegal and she has every right to be concerned as to what it could mean if this were to come out. Even if you only wanted to provide financial support and have access to your child, this needs to be handled carefully.

And even more so if the childcare situation hasn’t been formally arranged. I doubt you could simply show up after establishing paternity and there not be ramifications.. Be smart about this.

Dusty_Pufferfish −  Hey man its damn cool that you’re like this. Its cool to fight, but also don’t be too pushy. Imagine if youre not the father and its like this rando h**kup keeps pushing his way into someone’s life. Anyways . Remember in Dubai premarital s** is illegal. Sharia law and all. So don’t push in Dubai. It’ll make life hard for no reason

PersonalityUnusual28 −  I’m not judging either her or you, but if both of you had unprotected s** with a stranger, maybe this isn’t a new behavior for either of you. It might be in her interest to have someone step in to support her financially and care for the child, and yet she is saying no. Could be yours, could be from another.

I think it’s great that you want to take responsibility, but maybe you’re not the one who should be doing it. In that case, you’re just a guy she slept with once, now pursuing her and her new family. Try to put yourself in her shoes. There’s not much you can do. Face the consequences of the irresponsible decision to have unprotected s** with a stranger, and make sure you don’t repeat it.

MysticYoYo −  She’s not asking for money. She told you the child wasn’t yours; you might want to believe her. Also, for myriad reasons, moving forward, *wear a condom*.

leelee90210 −  She was forward? You slept with her too

Winter_Apartment_376 −  Info: Why would you think it’s yours? Was there unprotected s** involved? Do you know the birthday and it makes sense? To be honest, I think this is a very far fetch. Women generally “know” who is the father (there literally are 1-2 days every month to conceive, if your cycle is regular).

If you stayed in touch, clearly there wasn’t any bad blood between the two of you and your dad is right – she would almost definitely ask / accept financial support. Especially after you already offered.

A kind message to ask her to put your mind at ease sounds like the best solution. No sane woman is gonna do paternity test on a child whose father she is aware of. Just ask how she knows. Likely it’s something along the lines “I was already 3 weeks pregnant when we had s**” or “ I had my period 2 weeks after we had s** and then I had s** and got pregnant two weeks later”. But you sound like a really good guy to want to make sure! 🙂

Psycho_Sentinal −  Its surname not sir name btw

CanadianJediCouncil −  **IT’S NOT YOUR KID.**

GentlemanlyAdvice −  While her past behavior suggests she may not cooperate, it’s worth reaching out once more:. Be calm and non-confrontational. Emphasize your desire for clarity for the child’s sake and yours. Reassure her you’re not trying to uproot anyone’s life or make unnecessary demands.

Example message: “Hi \[Her Name\], I’ve been reflecting on the past and keep wondering about Adam. I’m not trying to cause trouble, but if there’s any possibility he’s my child, I’d really like to confirm. It’s important to me to take responsibility if that’s the case. If you’re open to it, we could arrange a DNA test with no disruption to his life. Please let me know how you feel about this.”

If she refuses to cooperate and you’re serious about this: Consult an international family lawyer. They can guide you on the legalities of pursuing paternity testing across borders. Consider the child’s location. Since he’s in Dubai, UAE laws would apply. Keep in mind that these laws may heavily favor the mother’s stance, especially with the cultural and religious context.

There’s a chance you may never get full clarity if the mother doesn’t cooperate or the legal hurdles are insurmountable. Ask yourself:. Can you live with the unknown? Is this about the child’s well-being, or more about resolving your own questions?

uncerety −  Why are you arguing for her to join you when she clearly has said she doesn’t think you’re the father and doesn’t want to?

Navigating paternity uncertainty across borders can be emotionally taxing, especially when communication is inconsistent. What would you do in this situation? How should he approach the DNA test and ensure the child’s best interests are prioritized? Share your thoughts below!