Wife (25F) gave a presentation about her past partners, including me (26M). Advice?

A 26-year-old man discovered a PowerPoint presentation his wife (25F) made during college, detailing her past partners — including him — with pros and cons of each relationship. Despite confronting her and going to therapy, the emotional impact still lingers, leaving him questioning his value in their marriage. He seeks advice on how to move forward and heal from this breach of trust. Read his story below.

‘ Wife (25F) gave a presentation about her past partners, including me (26M). Advice?’

My wife (25F) and I (26M) started dating during our senior year of college. We married 2 years later and have been married for 3 years since. During our last semester of college, she made a powerpoint of all of the men she had slept with while at college and presented it to a couple of her friends. Each slide had bullets with details of their relationship and outlined the pros and cons of each. I was the last slide.

Not long after getting married, I was using her laptop for work when I stumbled upon it myself. 2.5 years later and this still haunts me. She was the first and only woman to make me feel as if I had value for who I was, not just what I could provide. I have found that hard to believe ever since.

I confronted her about it and we have had multiple discussions since, but it is apparent that she does not understand the pain this betrayal of trust inflicted upon me. I have tried going to therapy to address this and have found little to no success.

I’m looking for advice on what options I have and what to do next. I love her and want to make this work long term, but don’t want to continue living with the psychological pain for the rest of my life.. Thank you for your thoughts!

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

MysteriousDudeness −  So, what kind of information was on the slide? Was it a ranking? Did she give intimate information? Penis size? How good in bed?

Agile-Wait-7571 −  I mean that is truly weird.

potenttechnicality −  Without knowing the content it’s hard to judge how appropriate your reaction is and therefore how appropriate her response to that is.

engineer2moon −  Why would you delete an account three hours after posting if not fake?

[Reddit User] −  What about it bothered/hurt you?

ThrowRA1234568 −  She sounds trashy.

Ifiwerenyourshoes −  Make a PowerPoint of the pros and cons of staying married. That should be the first con of not.

DoctorFrick −  Congratulations, you married a data nerd. Are we to presume that the subtext here is that what she said about you in that PowerPoint was negative? Because if she’d put “THIS DUDE IS THE KING” you’d feel differently, right?

Your wife being a silly girl when you were dating in college isn’t nearly as big a deal as this would be if she’d built and distributed this spreadsheet last weekend. I’m certain there are immature moments from your past that you regret, too.

What matters is how she feels, and how she treats you, now. If she’s satisfied by you as a partner, you’re doing great. If she loves you and treats you kindly now, great.  No sense letting juvenile silliness ruin what you have today. 

devilsglare −  Whatever bro, peace of mind is where it’s at. If you feel like this is something you cannot get over and you are okay with losing everything else then just leave, y’all young enough to bounce back.

nomad9879 −  Did your slide include a list of negatives that you are reacting to? If not, I think this “list” is fairly common. Maybe not in a power point form but my journals are filled with this kind of stuff.

It’s simply an assessment of her knowing herself. I don’t think it has anything to do with you unless she said specific negative things about you. If I had access to the technology of today in 1990 I would have gone wild with spreadsheets and power points!

Healing from emotional wounds caused by a partner’s past actions can be challenging, especially when trust is impacted. Have you or someone you know experienced something similar? How did you navigate the journey to rebuilding trust? Share your thoughts below!