UPDATE: My (35M) mother’s (58F) new fiance (24M) wants me to call him ‘dad’. How do I navigate this?

A user shared their frustration after a confrontation with their mother’s fiancé, Phil, who has been attempting to position himself as a father figure despite the user’s objections. Tensions escalated when Phil’s comments and behavior were deemed inappropriate, leading to a clash that involved the user, their siblings, and their mother.

After Phil’s potential expulsion from a social club and his cryptic social media post, the family is now in turmoil. The user’s mother, emotionally distressed, is struggling with her desire for more children and her relationship with Phil. For more on how the situation evolved, read the full story below…

‘ UPDATE: My (35M) mother’s (58F) new fiance (24M) wants me to call him ‘dad’. How do I navigate this?’

Anyway so I told both my siblings and we agreed we’d collectively put our foot down with Phil at our next family dinner next week. Especially after an incident where Phil referred to my brother as “sport” and asked if he wanted to go see a baseball game with him.

Admittedly…I was a bit spurred on by what you all said and got involved, pinging him back with “aw no tickets for me daddy 🥺” and my brother responded with “daddy wants to me all to himself hmm? Hot 😉” and Phil took a few minutes to respond before saying he was ‘shocked, speechless and disgusted’.

He then messaged me in private to say he was ‘utterly appalled’ and that he’d ‘never disrespect his own father the way you boys did’. I kind of lost it at this point and said “right, that’s because you’re not my father Phil, you’re a 24 year old manchild dating my mother. You have no right to my respect,

especially not to the respect a father gets.” I immediately said sorry but then blocked his number and left the group chat. Apparently he sent a similar thing to my brother who responded with more daddy stuff and Phil blocked him. Well uh, that aside, I don’t think that family dinner is going ahead.

After the original post blew up it seems someone from his Lions Club found it and reported it to their Chair or whatever and Phil has either been expelled or resigned or in the process of one of the two.

He has removed nearly all mentions of the Lions from his social media and no longer mentions being a member with his last post on it being some cryptic goodbye post where he kinda drones on about what it means to be a man in the modern day and the ‘duty of fatherhood’ bestowed on all men at birth, really weird s**t.

My mom called me half in a panic, half in a rage after, about the “stuff I’d been telling” about him before breaking down and saying we need to meet, which we did and got my brother to go over too.

I know he has temporarily moved back in with his parents in the next town over but from my understanding they still want to go ahead with the wedding. But I think that’s moreso because they’ve already spent money on it. When she said she was “determined to have more kids” (plural…) my brother did step up and asked if she really thought that was a good idea at her age,

and I pointed out that assuming she had the baby next year, and she lived to 80, they still wouldn’t have finished college. She just stammered on about how “people live longer these days” before breaking down crying and admitting she’s not ready to give up on mothering due to some deep-seated trauma and fears about the family breaking apart that I won’t go into for her sake.

When we re-assured her that we weren’t going anywhere she calmed down and we had a very good honest conversation where she’s agreed to drop the IVF stuff on the grounds that it’d be too expensive and unlikely to get greenlit (but she’s still adamant it’s scientifically possible and she should be *allowed* to do it from an ethical standpoint because she has to win that argument :/)

and has agreed to look into fostering instead. Me and my brother highly doubt anything will ever come of that so we’re not that worried anymore. The very good news is she’s also agreed to look into therapy/psychiatric help to deal with her trauma and we’ve helped get her in touch with a nice lady in town to unpack all this in a more healthy way.

So at least one person is getting the help they need. I have no idea what’s happened with Phil or what’s going to happen with him but I did make it clear to my mom that he is not my ‘dad’, he’s not even my ‘step-dad’, I’m not a kid. And he’s never going to be either one outside of legal fuckery.

She relented pretty quickly (I think she’s finally broken out of her shell at least) and we’ve agreed that if things go ahead that’s going to be a huge red line though I dunno if he’ll want to be friends with me after all this lmao. Anyway thanks for the help on the original post y’all.

Check out how the community responded:

loveandsubmit −  Is this a message from *inside* a sitcom somewhere? This cannot be real.

ThrowRA_Elk7439 −  I love how Phil’s craziness escalated the already crazy situation of a 58 yo dating a 24 yo so much so that it’s not even a part of the discussion anymore.

FleurDisLeela −  WAIT? so Phil ran home, *to his mommy and daddy*?!? great job, kiddos! great update, thank you! 😂😂😂💀

Dry_Candle_Stick −  This was a fun read, “daddy wants me all to himself” 😂😂 at least your mom is going to get the help she needs.

Adoremenow −  After the age of 35 if you get pregnant it’s referred to as a geriatric pregnancy… I’m not sure what the hell a pregnancy at 58 would be called… oh yeah damn near impossible. Good luck with this s**t show they both need therapy

Equal-Brilliant2640 −  Tell your mom Phil doesn’t meet the “half your age plus 7” requirement to not be creepy. She does realize she’s going to look pathetic with a husband younger than her children right?

MightyBean7 −  “Being my mom’s crazy little fucktoy won’t make you my dad, kid”

Bean-Penis −  What in the ever loving Professor Oak fan-fic did I just read?

Jen5872 −  “When she said she was “determined to have more kids… she’s not ready to give up on mothering”. Well, no wonder why she chose to marry a 24 year old. He’s young enough she can still mother him.

Fanoflif21 −  When you collectively put your feet down did you follow up with heel, toe, step, ball change?