27F accused of trying to trap my 28M fiancé when I’ve had a sterilization procedure?

A Reddit user (27f) is facing relationship tension with her fiancé (29m) after an argument regarding his recent concerns about their future. While planning a simple wedding and future life together, her fiancé has become distant after a conversation with his uncle about family issues, which led him to believe that the user might try to “trap” him into marriage by getting pregnant.

This concern is unfounded, as the user has always been clear about not wanting children and has even undergone a sterilization procedure. Despite this, her fiancé has not apologized, leaving the user unsure whether she was too harsh in expressing her feelings or if this is a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.

‘ 27F accused of trying to trap my 28M fiancé when I’ve had a sterilization procedure?’

I had an argument with my fiancé this morning. We’ve been together for 2 years, engaged since September, and everything was going well for the most part. We’ve been planning a simple backyard ceremony so we can save up for a house instead, and we’ve always communicated well through past conflicts. But this one really threw me off.

For the past two weeks, he’s been distant about our wedding and any future plans we’ve made. I had to ask him directly this morning before I left for work what was going on. It turns out, while he was dogsitting for his uncle in early February, they had a conversation that’s been bothering him.

His uncle mentioned he resented his ex-wife for having a child with him, which led to their divorce, and also spoke about other family issues. Apparently, this conversation has been on his mind. He told me that he’s worried I might be planning to get pregnant and use that as a way to trap him into marriage.

This is despite the fact that I’ve always made it clear that I don’t want children. I raised my siblings and missed out on much of my own childhood. I’ve always been upfront about my feelings on this, even when we first started dating.

We were on the same page about not having children, and I’ve also discussed getting a vasectomy in the past. So, it’s surprising to me that he’s worried I might try to trick him into parenthood.

To make things even more confusing, I had a sterilization procedure done, so it’s literally impossible for me to get pregnant. I reminded him of this, and he went silent. He didn’t apologize or say anything, so I expressed that if he’s reacting this way over a misunderstanding in his head, I’m not sure how much I can trust him in a real crisis.

Now, I’m wondering if I was too harsh or if I’m justified in feeling this way. What steps should we take to move forward? Or maybe I should just end the relationship? I’m not sure what to do at this point.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

TeaLover315 −  He says that he thinks I’m about to spring a pregnancy announcement on him and trap him in the marriage. I’m confused. You stated that this man intends on marrying you, right? You’re engaged? Baby trapping is when someone intentionally gets pregnant using methods like deception to keep their partner from leaving the relationship.

Does he actually intend on marrying you? I literally can’t get pregnant. I reminded him of this fact, and that made him go really quiet. He didn’t even apologize or say anything. I would demand a response from him.

His words and behavior are a red flag. I would postpone the wedding until the relationship is in a better place. Maybe this needs to be addressed with a counselor.

[Reddit User] −  His uncle sounds like a real winner. Misogyny at it’s finest. Why is he afraid of getting trapped into marriage when he’s literally planning a wedding with you? Like, the f**k? Marriage also isn’t a trap, anyone can leave at any time, regardless of whether there’s kids. And the fact that he forgot your tubes were tied.

Is he dumb? You sound the right amount of angry to me. Personally, I’d be hesitant to marry someone who was so easily swayed by his sexist uncle that you’re somehow trying to trick him into a life of misery.

On top of that, he’s been dwelling on this for two weeks and never once communicated what was going on with him – he just completely checked out until you forced it out of him. I’m not sure I’d want to marry anyone who a) thinks marriage is a trap for men and b) let his uncle convince him you’re just like his ex-wife in one conversation.

c) can’t communicate or apologize. d) surrounds himself with such s**tty male role models and e) doesn’t understand how tied tubes work.

Whitestaunton −  “so I told him that if he’s going to be like this over a made up (**IMPOSSIBLE)** issue in his head, I don’t know how much I’d trust him in a real crisis.” Are you sure this is what is really going on and not a on the moment deflection.

Either way I think it would be a good idea to postpone the wedding until you get to the bottom of this insanity. You are certainly sensible to consider how he would behave in an actual crisis. Accusing you of things that can not happen is unhinged. Punishing you for things that can not happen and haven’t happened is a**sive.

You are the right amount of angry only you can decide if this is a relationship worth trying to save but if someone came at me with this nonsense I would not believe that that was the real reason unless I had reason to believe they were seriously mentally unwell. Your fiance is either lying to you or has completely lost touch with reality and needs a to see a Dr.

Spicy_Traveler94 −  Why is your fiancé worried that he will be “trapped” in a marriage? Maybe don’t get married? 🚩🚩🚩

SunnyGh0st −  Even if you could get pregnant, it’s not baby trapping if you’re already getting married. Sounds like he’s freaking out and looking for anything to justify it.

Cultural_Shape3518 −  Is this the only time he’s pulled something like this, or does he have a history of being easily influenced by people he maybe shouldn’t be taking advice from, especially when that advice isn’t even applicable to his situation?

Plus_Data_1099 −  You don’t need a child your partner is sulking like one

spaceylaceygirl −  He knows you don’t want kids AND your tubes are tied but was convinced by his a**hole relative you’re gonna baby trap him? Sis, be glad this guy just outed himself as a stupid a**hole. If he’s this easily swayed by stupidity you do not want him!

wigglepie −  He says that he thinks I’m about to spring a pregnancy announcement on him and trap him in the marriage.He is straight up telling you that he doesn’t trust you. I got my tubes tied. I literally can’t get pregnant. I reminded him of this fact, and that made him go really quiet. Does he not believe you got the procedure done?

Let’s pretend as a hypothetical that you *could* get pregnant (because I honestly believe he forgot you had them tied and he was working off the pregnant possibility). He’s telling you that he thinks you’re going to deceive him and trap him in a marriage via baby; that he might come to resent you if this occurred.

This would be a different story if he were just a boyfriend but he’s not; he’s your *fiance*, marriage is logically the next step. My opinion: he’s getting cold feet, looking for a way out and is grasping at straws to make you the bad guy (i.e. he wants to be the ‘victim’ in this breakup).

If I were you, I would hold off on wedding plans until this is sorted out. If his faith in you is so weak that his uncle/outsiders could change his mind, then you need someone who doesn’t have the backbone of a chocolate eclair.

Professional_Idiot91 −  He hasn’t apologized? Girl, run for the hills. This requires a serious conversation, if it’s been weighing on him for weeks and he didn’t even consider the fact that you literally can’t get pregnant, there might be something else going on. This whole situation sounds fishy.