Bf (31M) hits things/punches things for me (26F) to hear when we fight, help?

A 26-year-old woman is concerned about her 31-year-old boyfriend’s reaction during arguments. He tends to hit things loudly or hurt himself in front of her to express his anger, claiming it’s his way of releasing emotions. While he believes this behavior is normal, she feels deeply saddened and scared by it.

She is unsure how to make him understand that this reaction is not acceptable and that it affects her negatively. She seeks advice on how to address this issue in their relationship. Read the full story below.

‘ Bf (31M) hits things/punches things for me (26F) to hear when we fight, help?’

Whenever my boyfriend and I argue, he expresses his anger in ways that deeply unsettle me. He’ll hit things loudly, making sure I hear it, or even hurt himself and then tell me about it afterward. He says these actions help him release his emotions and that it’s a normal way to cope with anger.

But for me, it’s anything but normal. Every time it happens, I feel overwhelmed with sadness and fear. It’s as if his anger fills the room, and I’m left wondering how to make it stop.

I’ve tried explaining how his behavior makes me feel, but he brushes it off, insisting that this is just “his way” of expressing himself. I know this isn’t healthy—for him or for me—but I don’t know how to help him see that.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Lula_Lane_176 −  Yes, I had a boyfriend like that once. And eventually, 2-3 years into our relationship, he put me in the hospital with 3 broken ribs, a fractured jaw (which had to be wired shut to heal) and a severe concussion. He thought it was normal too. Unfortunately, you will not get him to stop this behavior.

It’s who he IS. The only thing that stopped mine was the police with pistols drawn (the neighbors called them). And good thing they did, because he certainly wasn’t going to stop on his own.. Proceed with caution.

jadeleighhh −  First inanimate objects … Second … you

alibythesea −  He’s an a**sive j**k who is CHOOSING not to control himself. He is CHOOSING to lash out like this, to scare you and intimidate you. D**p his ass. It doesn’t matter how good the s** is, or how much he claims he loves you. He’s an a**sive j**k, and you deserve someone who values you for you.

D**p him – and get advice from a domestic violence hot-line first, to make a safety plan. You’re in physical as well as emotional danger, as would be any pets you have or possessions you care about.

brilliant-soul −  Displays of violence are considered a**sive. I’d be planning the breakup now

Outside_Bowler_7394 −  It’s not normal to be scared of your boyfriend. It is not normal to punch things when angry. Unless he is willing to go to anger management it’s in your best interest to leave before it becomes you.

Level-Membership-109 −  This is abuse. It’s a form of intimidation. It usually escalates to him throwing things at you or hitting you directly. This is not normal and your bf should go to a therapist or anger management treatment. Or you should leave.

skweekykleen69 −  This is a**sive. I had a boyfriend like that once. He ended up on a 72 hour hold because he tried to off himself when I tried to leave. He sliced up his arms, he wasn’t going to actually go through with it theoretically (shallow horizontal cuts),

but he was in a bad place and drunk and a cop found him weaving through traffic on the road in the middle of the night and took him to the hospital. This was after he had written “I’m sorry I love you” in blood on our front door because he was locked out (I was staying at a hotel). Just spare yourself the trauma and leave.

Midnight-Toker-92 −  My ex husband used to do this, it took many years but eventually the violence was directed at me. It’s not normal and at 31 years old he should be able to deal with his anger in a healthy way. He won’t change though no matter what you tell him, he will only change if he wants to and it sounds like he doesn’t want to.

Piilootus −  This is a**sive behaviour.

littlecoffee −  He is doing this to be m**ipulative. He WANTS you to be scared of him and suppress your feelings to avoid a fight. This behaviour only escalates and it will escalate to him putting his hands on you. A grown man who cannot “control” his temper to where he needs to become physical does not have the control to not hit you. Please listen to the other commenters and leave him. There are men out there who can express their frustration without becoming physical.

Expressing anger healthily is essential in any relationship. Have you encountered this kind of behavior? How did you approach it? Share your thoughts below!