How do I (f34) decide between saving a relationship with my partner (m32) of 7 years or trying to start again and finally be honest with myself?
A 34-year-old woman is grappling with whether to salvage her 7-year relationship with her partner, who struggles with alcohol, or start anew and finally be honest with herself. For the past two years, she’s felt emotionally unfulfilled, especially since giving up alcohol while her partner continues to drink.
Recently, she met someone who made her question everything about her life, even though they’re both in relationships and have since cut contact. She’s uncertain about how to proceed, torn between staying in her current situation or embracing change. Read the full story below.
‘ How do I (f34) decide between saving a relationship with my partner (m32) of 7 years or trying to start again and finally be honest with myself?’
The last two years of my relationship have been emotionally hollow. It started when I gave up alcohol, while my partner continued to struggle with his drinking. I knew this would create distance between us, but instead of addressing the problem, I buried myself in distractions—taking on a second job and going back to school. It felt easier to stay busy than confront the growing gap between us.
Then, about a month ago, I met someone who completely shook up my world. He’s 26 and also in a relationship, which only complicates things. Though we’ve since gone no-contact, meeting him opened my eyes in a way I can’t ignore.
It’s not about wanting to be with this person; it’s about the realization he brought: I’ve been deeply unhappy and incredibly lonely in my current life. Now, at 34, I’m questioning everything—my relationship, my choices, and the life I’ve built so far.
Check out how the community responded:
ktistecmachine6993 − I am 47 now, and nigh 10 years ago found myself in a marriage that wasn’t working in a similar manner to your own, and I decided to end it to find true happiness. Have I found it yet? No. Have I been enjoying the search yes. Am I glad to have left that relationship behind? Absofuckinglutely. I ya need to talk more on this feel free to send me a DM or chat! Good luck on your journey.
CharmingSamantha − i get it, sounds like you’ve been putting up with a lot and now you’re realizing there’s more to life than just staying in something because it’s familiar. you’re 34, so you still have time to change your path and focus on what truly makes you happy
it’s okay to feel confused, especially with the new connection you’ve made, it’s hard, but maybe this is a chance to stop ignoring your feelings and figure out what *you* need. have a real conversation with your partner, or decide if you need space to focus on yourself first, sometimes we need to hit that reset button to see things clearly
GuardianMaigrey − I was in a similar situation a few years ago. At 37 I ended my marriage of 13 years. We had 3 kids and a great life at times, but I was sick of being married to an a**oholic who refused to change. I lost touch with myself trying to be there for him. When he was good, he was great. The rest of the time, not so much.
After we divorced I spent 3 years on my own with my kids. Didn’t date, just got to know myself again outside of the relationship I’d been in for most of my adult life. Then out of the blue, I met someone at a friend’s birthday party, and it was like a light turned on. I’m now 44, and he is still my sunlight. We are bringing up our 6 kids (my 3, his 2 and our 1) in a home filled with love and real happiness.
I’m so glad I took the plunge and discovered what love is supposed to feel like. It wasn’t easy, and I got a lot of flak for leaving my husband, but in retrospect it was the best thing I could have done for myself and I’m glad I didn’t give in to the pressure I faced from friends and family to just stick it out. Life is meant to be lived, not tolerated.
Kooky_Protection_334 − Having been married to an a**oholic….if he has no desire to quit for himself stop wasting your time with him. There is no saving anything when there is addciton involved.
bukeye_ − I have been sober for 15.5 years. What you describe is my nightmare. I would walk away. In the long run, the pain of his absence will fade, the pain of his presence will happen over and over and over again .
RamKay33 − Do what makes you happy and helps you feel joy. In your 30s we often tend to be miserable and content with our current state. If there’s something you can change to find happiness whether that’s leaving someone behind, then do it for you.
Daddy-o62 − OP – please listen to me. Step way back. You’ve got a whole bunch of really heavy stuff going on right now. You literally said someone you met a month ago turned your entire world upside down. You’re “reconsidering your whole life”. This is not a good time for making snap decisions.
Massive congratulations on leaving the alcohol behind. Your partner’s alcohol problem is reason enough to reconsider that relationship. Ignore this new person for now and focus intently on your own self. Wise choices are rarely made in a state of chaos.
You’ve got quite a few things going for you – you’re sober, you’ve got interests to study, and you’ve got the emotional strength to contemplate starting anew (No kids? Even better.) But please, put the drama on the back burner. You’ve got a new and exciting path ahead of you, and the best way to get there is to know yourself well and focus on the things that will lead you in that direction. Good luck.
For2n8Witch − Definitely don’t jump into something with someone else. I would absolutely leave, though. You’ve done what you’re able to make this marriage work, and no one dreams of being married to an a**oholic.
No-Studio-3717 − I’m 44 now, but 2 years ago I flipped my life upside down and walked away from my 15 yr relationship (10 yrs married) and I haven’t regretted it for a second… Take the leap for yourself. You deserve happiness. You. Are. Worth. It.
smeralldo − Almost 3 years ago I found myself in the same situation I met someone without realizing that he was my future husband while in a relationship for 10 years with the same person. I obviously didn’t start a new relatonship with the new man. I ignored him for a year.
But started to question my relationship because I was not happy, not in love and definetely not satisfied with the way he treated me , I talked to him about it, he ignored my feelings, laughed at my face for “acting like a little girl” because he had real life problems ( he was unemployed for years , never had a real job and was living with his mother at 34 years.)
I left, he got madly angry, couldn’t accept the fact that he was not the one for me. Started to stalk me everywhere. I had to cut contact with every one of my friends from that circle but in the end it was truly worth it.
Be happy and remember that we come to this world just once. Don’t waste your precious time for someone doesn’t deserve it. You might end up with that man or not but you will not be happy in your current relationship. You wouldn’t even think about another man if you were sure about your feelings.
Life can feel like a crossroads when we realize how much we’ve been ignoring our own needs. Have you ever been at a point where you had to choose between staying in something familiar or breaking free to find your own happiness? What helped you make the decision? Share your thoughts below!