It’s been 7 years and my boyfriend 27M hasn’t proposed, am I 26F wasting my time?

A 26-year-old woman has been in a committed relationship with her boyfriend for 7 years, but despite her expectations, he hasn’t proposed. She’s recently asked him about marriage, and he expressed feelings of immaturity and financial instability as reasons for not proposing yet. While she’s ready to take the next step, he seems uncertain, and she’s left wondering if she’s wasting her time. Read the full story below.

‘ It’s been 7 years and my boyfriend 27M hasn’t proposed, am I 26F wasting my time?’

I (26 F) have been with my boyfriend (27 M) for 7 years. We have a great relationship, he is truly my best friend. Admittedly, I have been disappointed recently because I’ve been expecting an engagement at least for the past 2 years, which he has been aware of.

I asked him today if he even ever wants to get married. He said he feels too “immature” to be married as far as his career and financial stability goes. He said its a big deal to sign his life on the line to someone else. He also said that he’s thought about engagements but not really about marriage which I was confused about.

I do feel that he 100% needs to work on his career/financial stability whereas I am well within my career. I am looking for this next step forward in our relationship. I feel like he could’ve been saving small amounts of cash each year if he really wanted to. He knows that I want to be engaged for ~2 years before marriage.

I am considering the fact that we started dating very young, but with all things said it feels like there is no engagement in sight and I’m starting to wonder if I’m wasting my time..

UPDATE: For those stating that I can propose, we’ve talked about that and he very much feels its a man’s job to propose and I would be undermining his masculinity by doing so. According to him he needs to spend more time “understanding marriage” and what it truly means. He doesn’t want to “get divorced”.

I did ask him if we could just go to the courthouse and avoid an extravagant wedding until an anniversary years later, his response was that he needs to get himself in order first. Asked for a timeline, his response “I can’t predict the future. It’s supposed to be a surprise right?”

Also I said minimum 2 year engagement because I am in grad school and I think 2 years would be enough time to navigate the next steps of uniting as one. In regards to him putting cash aside I was talking about purchasing an engagement ring by means of slowly saving.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

SweatyAmbition7 −  You should definitely have a better conversation with him about this before making any decisions. If he doesn’t want to get married in a time frame you don’t, that’s worrying. If you’re willing to wait a specific time, then it might be worth it. Gonna be a fun talk

n_rddt −  Oh no, this sounds exactly like my ex. We were together for about 6 years and I was tired of waiting. He also always changed his mind regarding marriage. I finally came to the realisation that we just wanted different things in life and broke up. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man who didn’t hesitate a second. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate the relationship, hun. :/

Gemmuni −  As blunt as this sounds, I don’t think you’re the one for him. How is the relationship dynamic? Are you two doing marriage duties without being in a marriage? Maybe he still wants to see what’s out there first. Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from meeting your husband. I also had to learn this in life.

TheOliveKnightette −  It sounds to me like a serious conversation is needed. If being married is important to you, then you have to have a clear answer as to whether or not he can give that to you. There are ways to make him feel more secure about marriage (prenuptials) if that’s his only hangup.

As for how long it takes? How long are you willing to wait? Is a legal marriage what you need, or is just a ceremony enough? There are a lot of compromises possible IF you’re willing and only then. Time with people we love and who have loved us is never wasted, only changed.

Whatever happens, it’ll have taught you about your needs and wants, and from the sounds of it, how you ideally want to be with a partner. Take care of yourself, think it through, be honest.

No_Instruction_2074 −  It’s a fair question, it’s also fair to ask is he absolutely sure you are the person he wants to marry. If not, and it sounds like he’s not, it’s a big call to stay together. My son just broke up with his gf at 22 after 5 years because he knew he didn’t want to marry her. She was his best friend.

Lurky-Lou −  The irony is that he won’t mature until he loses his seven year relationship

After-Distribution69 −  I’d feel differently  if he had sone kind of plan and timeline rather than vague excuses.  He also doesn’t actually seem to be taking into account what you might want. I’d say you are wasting your time.  

michaelpaoli −  You’re *probably* wasting your time. At 7+ years, and if you want marriage, and you’ve made that quite clear, and for substantial while (like year(s) or more), and he can’t get beyond at most waffling on the issue … he ain’t gonna marry you. If he’s going to have to wait for that “perfect” time in his life … it’ll never come. So … dang well communicate – what you want and will … and won’t accept … and if he won’t give you what you at least find acceptable, then it’s time to move on.

AcrobaticMechanic265 −  He’s planning to marry, just not with you.

Zealousideal_Till683 −  Yes. You are wasting your time. It has been 7 years, if he wanted to marry you, he would. Even worse, he is just fobbing you off with vague platitudes. Why do you want to be with someone who is lukewarm about your future together anyway? This boyfriend is not your future husband. He is preventing you from meeting him.

Commitment is a big decision, but how much waiting is too much? How long should someone hold on for the next step in a relationship? Have you been in a situation where your partner wasn’t ready for the same future you envisioned? Share your thoughts below!