My GF (F35) told me (M28) she had an affair with a married man several years ago. Is ok to feel weirded out about it?

A 28-year-old man is in a relationship with his girlfriend (35F) and recently discovered that several years ago, she had an affair with a married man. Despite her previous strong stance against cheating, she revealed the affair in a casual, almost amused manner, even laughing about the deception involved. This has left him feeling uneasy about the relationship, and he’s now questioning whether it’s worth continuing. Read the full story below.

‘ My GF (F35) told me (M28) she had an affair with a married man several years ago. Is ok to feel weirded out about it?’

I am with my current Girlfriend for a little over a year now. We talk openly about everything and have a pretty happy relationship. I don’t know why but a few days ago we talked about past relationships. A few things she told me made me question my relationship with her and her as a person.

1.She told me that about 8 years ago she had an affair with a married man (Max, age?). I was shocked because she always made it clear that cheating is an absolute dealbreaker (I feel the same btw.).

2. I asked her if she knew that Max was married. She said: “Yes, they even had a kid together” with a SMIRK ON HER FACE.

3. Alltough she knows how much i despise cheating she kept on talking. At one point she started laughing about it, telling me how funny it was that Max told his wife he has to work overtime while they were going at it.

Now I don’t know if I can live with that. Everybody makes mistakes but boasting about being a homwrecker is something that crosses the line for me and I’m considering a breakup? Is this an overreaction or a good reason?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

thefixer123456 −  As the first commenter said, it is her current attitude that is the issue here. How a person reacts react to his/her mistakes and transgressions are very telling about their character.

Champion_Flight −  Listen my guy, this isn’t about something she did 8 years ago – it’s about whoo she is RIGHT NOW. She’s literally sitting there, smirking and laughing about helping wreck a family with a kid involved. That’s not remorse or growth – that’s straight up sociopathic behavior.

The fact that she knows you hate cheating but still decided to brag about her homewrecker glory days? That’s either complete emotional tone-deafness or, worse, she’s testing your boundries to see what you’ll tolerate. And that little smirk when mentioning their kid? Jesus Christ, buddy.

You’re not overreacting – if anything, you’re underreacting. This isn’t about her past mistakes – it’s about her current lack of empathy or remorse. When someone shows you who they really are, especially while laughing about destroying a family, believe them the first time.

Mysterious_Book8747 −  So she was proud of what she did? Do you need to wait until the red flag is strangling you to recognize it as a deal breaking red flag. She’s telling you she is unreliable and untrustworthy.

chace_thibodeaux −  If she were regretful, I could let it go. People can change. I’ve done things in the past that I regret and would never do again, so I wouldn’t want all past errors in judgment to be held against me indefinitely. But your girlfriend doesn’t regret it, so she has not changed. This is her character, her values. If this does not align with *your* values, I don’t see why you’d want to continue a relationship with her.

New_Arrival9860 −  She is telling you who she is, and how she feels about cheating and that she has no remorse or regret for her choices.. Believe her.. You are under reacting

Pretend-Act-7869 −  We’ve all done things we regret. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case here. Sorry but you’re involved with a j**k.

DuePromotion287 −  She seems proud of it.. Even boastful.. That is the problem.. That is her character, now…

Motchiko −  What kind of partner do you want? If you want someone that shares the same values as you, she isn’t your girl. She participated in willfully hurting someone and doesn’t feel any shame about it, but rather feels a sense of pride in it.

Do you really want to worry every time she tells you she has overtime or goes out with her friends what she’s doing? No? But I can promise that this is what will happen. There will be no safety or security.

She will argue that she wasn’t the one that cheated, but she showed her disregard for fidelity by doing it. Having morals and values means nothing, if you don’t live according to it and in this case it isn’t just cheating, but joyfully inflicting harm on another person and a child.

thethingaboutarsen16 −  If she did it w him she’ll do it w you.

CookbooksRUs −  As a woman who fucked around \*big time\* in her youth, I slept with about 100 guys before my husband but never knowingly slept with a married man. I find a**ltery sleazy as hell. I also am a big believer in the Girl Code, which for me boils down to “Girls don’t do girls dirt.”

Twice that I became aware of a man lied to me. I was \*not\* calm about it. The one where I could, I looked up his home number (this was the ’80s), called his wife who was at home with their baby, told her that he’d lied to get me in bed, and apologized. I have always hoped she had the locks changed by the time he got home. A**hole.. I would see her differently.

ETA My husband knew before we ever got together that I was aggressively promiscuous. He also knows that I didn’t hit on him when we first met \*because he was attached\*, that I never knowingly went after a guy who was attached, much less married, and that while I slept around in between steady boyfriends I never once cheated on a steady.

When you learn something about your partner’s past that contradicts your values, is it a sign to rethink the relationship? Or should you accept their past as just that—past? Share your thoughts below!