WIBTA Opting out of Christmas Gifts?

A Redditor (32M) considers opting out of exchanging Christmas gifts among adult siblings, sparking a family debate. While most family members are fine with skipping gifts, one sister—married into significant wealth—expects presents and has shared an expensive wish list.

‘ WIBTA Opting out of Christmas Gifts?’

My (32M) siblings and I have all grown up. All the kids are now over 30. The family is 3 brothers, a sister and a mother and father. Literally all the men in the family (myself included) DO NOT want anything. We live in small apartments that barely have enough room to live in. My father also genuinely doesnt want anything. Whenever I get gifts they usually just end up being donated almost immediately.

The two women in the family, like Christmas and want gifts. My mother wants something small. My sister on the other hand, wants the whole Christmas deal. She sent a list of items, the cheapest of which was $75, and expressed to us that she will be upset if she doesn’t get gifts.

I should mention that my sister is now married, and if it matters – married into a family worth over $600M. They have two houses, the husband has a trust fund, and is a partner at a hedge fund. My brothers are I are doing OK, but we are all tight for cash and feel that if she wants presents at this stage in her life, it is her husbands responsibility and not her 30 year old brothers’ responsibility.

WIBTA if I just send a message in the siblings chat along the lines of “sorry I won’t be giving or receiving Christmas presents this year, I’m happy just to spend time with everyone.” I feel at this stage the present b**lshit is just childish. We all just want stress free holidays. I’ve spoken with my brothers and we’ve all agreed that she is the only person who wants items, none of us want anything. Not only WIBTA, but what is the best/most polite way of bringing this up and setting a firm expectation to avoid an explosion on Christmas day?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

hellouterus −  Look… it’s the 16th of December. Many *many* people have completed their Christmas shopping by now. If my family decided today not to do gifts I’d be royally pissed, because I have already done my Christmas shopping.
So, you’re NTA for not wanting to do gifts, but you are a complete AH for waiting until this close to Christmas to mention it. Do it next year, ok? And get it locked down by mid-November.

Fresh_Process6822 −  NTA. I am an adult with an adult sibling. We stopped exchanging as young adults and elected to gift our parents things they may want or need (parents do t expect, but it’s fun for us to do. Often it’s an experience, like a trip, or a nonessential item they defer because of retirement budgeting, like a new grill.). Sibling and I are both married with kids now; the focus is on making Christmas special for the kids.

I wouldn’t apologize for your choice as you’ve nothing to feel sorry for. I’d simply text something like, “I’ve decided I will no longer participate in Christmas gift exchanges. I believe family time together is the best gift to give and receive. Looking forward to celebrating the holidays with everyone!” Good luck and happy holidays to you!

elsie78 −  Soft YTA if you do it this short notice, because others likely already bought etc. Instead at Christmas this year make it be known going forward you’re opting out.

idontevenknow543 −  Soft YTA for waiting this late to mention that you don’t want to do gifts, I (32f) only give gifts to 3 my siblings who are all adults and my Mother (because we all live within a hour of each other and see/talk regularly) but we all start buying gifts early I bought two gifts back in April, so this is definitely something you need to discuss with your family way earlier than 10 days before Christmas.

mad_soup −  NTA – Your sister is the AH for letting you know she’ll be upset if she doesn’t get a $75 gift. I think your planned approach is fine, and it gives other family members the permission to do the same. I’m in a similar situation with my extended family (no small kids), and I prefer to show my spirit by cooking or bringing food to share.

TheGreenPangolin −  YTA only because it’s short notice. If my sister told me she didn’t want to do gifts this year, I’d be angry because I already did all my shopping and wrapped it and it would be a pain in the arse to return her gifts at this point. If she told me she didn’t want to do gifts next year, I’m completely fine with that. You don’t have to spend $75- get her something that isn’t on her list or do a joint gift with your brothers. But no gifts at all this close to christmas is an a**hole move.

dec256 −  We went to drawing names 2 years ago . You are buying only for one person and that person must give you a list of what they want . Takes the guesswork out of it and everyone gets something to open . We set $100 as the amount . Of course any children are still bought for.

pixie-ann −  You are NTA to set this boundary with family though with less than two weeks to go until Christmas you are leaving your notice a bit late. Sounds like sister can buy anything she wants for herself. It probably would be nice to get your mum something small and meaningful.

pink_eden −  NTA,
but you need to be direct and kind. A message like, ‘Hey everyone, after talking with the brothers, we’ve decided we won’t be doing gifts this year. We’d rather focus on spending quality time together and keeping things stress-free. Hope that works for everyone!’ keeps it clear without singling anyone out. Your sister may be disappointed, but she’s an adult and can adjust her expectations.

ThePhilV −  YWNBTA at all. You want to take a step back from pointless consumerism, and honestly, with the way the past few years have gone, nobody should be surprised by that. Quite frankly your sister sounds like she’s being really unreasonable, telling you all that she expects expensive gifts from you and if you don’t comply she will be upset? Not to sound like a teenager in 2023, but that gives me the ick.

I would just text the family and say “Hey family! I’m truly looking forward to spending some time with you all this year! I just wanted to give you all a heads up that I’ve decided I won’t be taking part in any gift exchanges this year, so please don’t spend any time or money shopping for me. All I need is your company.” I don’t think there’s any need to get in to your reasons why or anything like that, just that it’s what feels right for you.

My family has almost gone that direction – with my sisters and their husbands and my mom, we all just do a secret santa every year. We set a price limit and each only have to get one gift. It’s a great way to still have the fun of a gift exchange without the stress or cost of having to get something for EVERYONE.