I (F34) walked in on my husband (M36) wearing a diaper and acting like a child. Where do we go from here?

A woman (F34) discovers her husband (M36) engaging in age regression behaviors, including wearing a diaper and using a pacifier, after noticing odd changes in his behavior. She initially feared he was cheating and confronted him after catching him in the act.

After some time apart and a heartfelt conversation, her husband revealed he was engaging in age regression, a therapeutic practice recommended by his therapist to help him cope with past trauma and reclaim lost childhood experiences. Read the full story below.

‘ I (F34) walked in on my husband (M36) wearing a diaper and acting like a child. Where do we go from here?’

My husband has been acting odd lately- I first noticed it a few months ago, when we were at the grocery store. He would buy things that are geared towards children, such as stuffed animals, candies that he previously said were only for children, things like that. He’d go out of his way to get kids meals at restaurants, as well.

But it wasn’t every day, and it wasn’t a lot, so I figured maybe he was finally giving into what he’d always wanted as a child- he had a rough time growing up, both of his parents were a**sive and parentified him. He’s currently in therapy for that.

Then, he started pulling away from me at home. He would start spending time in our bedroom with the door locked, saying he was napping, but I could hear voices in there. He stopped leaving his phone out, and changed the password- when I asked about it (I had to use his phone to make a call while he was driving) he couldn’t give me a straight answer. And he pushed me to go places without him, leaving him alone in the house.

I thought he was cheating, and maybe the younger woman brought out new feelings in him, making him want to act like a kid again. So today, I went out to the gym as I normally do, but this time I left my phone at home on purpose. I drove all the way there, hoping to make him think it was just a normal visit with the timing, and then I came back.

When I walked in, the TV was on, playing a kid’s cartoon, and I saw my husband sitting on the floor in an adult pull-up, with a pacifier in his mouth. He turned around- I don’t think he had heard the door open, and he looked terrified. That’s the only word I can really use for it- he looked afraid of me. He pulled his pacifier out and tried to explain, but I told him that I needed some time before he could talk, and before he said anything, I was out the door.

I’m at my sister’s house now- I told her that we’d had a fight, but not what it was about. My husband has been texting me, asking to call or come home, but I haven’t responded. I don’t know what to do.

**Update:** I have texted my husband letting him know that I am going to stay the night at my sister’s house. I told him that I’m not upset with him and would like to talk about what I saw, but want to ensure I am in the right headspace to do so- we have both been having a stressful time of things and I want to make sure I am completely calm before meeting with him.

I don’t want to upset or hurt him further. I also reaffirmed that I love him very much and that we are not getting a divorce. (Sorry, those of you who were saying we should. I’m going to talk with him about everything first.)

**Update 2:** I headed home early this morning. We have had a conversation, and yes, you guys were right. He is an age regressor, and has been participating in this for a few months now. His therapist recommended it to him as a way to “reclaim” his childhood.

It has apparently been helpful for him- especially now that we have been trying for kids, he has struggled with thoughts of “turning into his parents”, and this has helped him come to terms with those fears in a healthier way. He had been planning to tell me for a while, but had struggled with figuring out the right way. (I did tell him about the suspected cheating, and we both had a good laugh about that- I’m glad that it was only this.)

I told him that I still love him, and while this was not the ideal way for me to find out, I would be willing to participate in this activity with him if he wanted me to. He said he would be comfortable with that and we have plans to watch one of his shows together tonight and order in food for dinner. Thank you all for your advice (except those of you who called my husband a freak), it helped me put this all into perspective 🙂

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Spinnerofyarn −  You’re not going to get any clarity or closure until you talk to him. Talking to him is the first step.

zosorose −  I bought the Lego Millennium Falcon and was terrified when my spouse walked through the door to that… this… I have no idea…  Good luck. Talk to him and therapy, I guess

No_Noise_5733 −  There is a sub group within society where adults regress to being children, dress as toddlers / babies/ with bottles or pacifiers. Its adults of both sexes who for whatever reason feel the need to escape from adult reality to a time they had no responsibilities and could just be. Something has triggered this response in him and it may be that a good therapist can help him and you navigate this

Majestic-Airport-471 −  I think it’s either a method of recovering from childhood trauma or a fetish. In regards to childhood trauma, when I was 14 I would warm up milk and pour it in a water bottle with one of those babyish spouts, I started to crave a pacifier but never gave in and I tucked myself into bed and stroked myself. Looking back it was a weird soothing technique that I can’t quite explain all I know is it helped. As for fetish, I know nothing of so can’t comment

Not_Invited −  It’s private regression, it doesn’t sound like it’s a s**ual thing and obviously it’s very hard to explain. Age regression is a way to cope with trauma, and is not the same as “ageplay” – age play is the fetish stuff.

I would highly recommend going to couples therapy. You’re justified to be shocked by this behaviour, it is unusual and he knows that, but it sounds like something that may have been helping him cope with topics that have surfaced in therapy. 

sapble −  everyone’s going for this fetish/kink stuff, but hear me out: age regression. you said he had a rough time growing up? didn’t get much of a chance to be a kid? age regression is a coping mechanism for childhood trauma, putting yourself in child clothing or surrounding yourself in child geared things can help a person feel like a child again, to relive their childhood in a happier way for them

could be using it as escapism if his adult life is very stressful right now? trying to regress back to being a child with no responsibilities but also just getting to be a child again without the pain of the trauma

talk to him about this and ask his reasonings for it, if it’s a fetish then 🤷🏻 if it’s age regression, get some counselling both singularly and together to see what you can do or if there’s another coping mechanism he could use

bored-panda55 −  You need to talk to your husband, he has hidden this from you because he felt he couldn’t share this because he would lose you. Obviously he is dealing with something. I don’t think this is the kink thing but regression type therapy thing.

Schedule an emergency session with his therapist for both of you. I am not going to suggest divorcing him without finding out the why first. You say he has been seeing a therapist and this may be something they have already spoken about already. It is likely he is trying to work thru something due to his lost childhood.

StarlightM4 −  Maybe his therapist told him to embrace his inner child, and as he had been denied a proper childhood, he took it a bit too literally. Well, on the bright side, he isn’t having an affair.

DramaticHumor5363 −  This sounds like age regression? I wonder if your husband had an incident in therapy that has set off some feelings about how he was treated as a child.

This then could be him trying to find ways to cope to heal the kid he once was by acting in the ways he wishes he had been free to act and giving himself the soft things his a**sive parents didn’t. (It’s not always a s**, kink, or fetish thing. But it can relate to underlying childhood trauma.)

philbaby63 −  Hmmmm. I’m thinking Sunday afternoon troll perhaps?

Discovering unexpected aspects of a partner’s behavior can challenge our understanding of their needs, but it also opens opportunities for growth and deeper connection. How would you navigate such a revelation in your own relationship? Share your thoughts below!