AITA For Not Buying Christmas Gift For The Adults?

A Reddit user shares their decision to stop buying Christmas gifts for adults in their family after years of unreciprocated effort and complaints about their thoughtful presents. Instead, they plan to focus on gifts for children and homemade treats for everyone. The backlash from their family has left them questioning their choice. Read their story below.

‘ AITA For Not Buying Christmas Gift For The Adults?’

So I know this is going to sound crazy for most but I’m not buying Christmas gifts for the adults and this all started this year. Here’s a little back story; every year my boyfriend 30m and myself 28f we also have two small children 5 and 1 always go out of our way to buy Christmas gifts for our family. Between his family and mine we have about 13 adults and 4 children that includes us as well.

We always go out our way to be sure to get one gift that the person really wants and a cheaper gift so 2 gifts per person and a bunch of small gift for the kids. Well the past few years we’ve noticed we haven’t been getting the same amount of effort put back towards us. We’ve heard family complain while opening gift that they don’t like their gift or that it looked cheap and wondered if they could return it to get cash back in return.

When its something they have told us numerous of times they wanted. So fast forward last month I told everyone I’m not buying gifts for the adults just the children this year and our families are completely losing it on that they aren’t getting a gifts this year. I told them why should I? Every year they complain on how terrible or cheap the gifts are and they have been skipping out on getting OUR kids gifts.

That if they want something they are more than welcome to buy it for themselves and that I don’t want them buying me anything just my kids cause they are the ones that really matter. That I plan on baking home goods for everyone peanut butter cookies, cinnamon roll crumble cakes, and etc of what they want and they still aren’t happy. I told them then you don’t have to receive anything at all. That Christmas isn’t about the adults getting stuff its about the children and to be able to spend time together. So reddit AITA for not but Christmas gifts?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Tally0987654321 −  NTA As our family has grown, we only buy gifts for the kids. We do a gift exchange for the adults, so everyone has one gift. Set an amount ($50, $75, $100) , whatever your family is comfortable with. Draw names ( we do it over Zoom) and buy one gift. Then no one can complain about anyone being cheap, we all spend the same.

Cold-Thanks- −  NTA it’s okay to match energies and not get then gifts. Just don’t expect to receive gifts next year.

pinkbutterfly87 −  NTA but I don’t think it was something that needed to be announced. I have a large family too and don’t buy adult gifts either. I focus on making the holidays memorable for the children and haven’t had any problems. You probably won’t get any gifts going forward so you should be prepared for that.

Feeling_Lead_8587 −  My husband’s family decided to just give gifts to the kids until they graduated from college. For the adults we would all go out and pay for our own dinners. It was a great solution.

Gnarly_314 −  My family hasn’t given adult gifts for years. We gave cash to nieces and nephews cash until they reached 21 years old. The only person to complain about this was a SIL who only gave my children chocolate or sweets.
I wouldn’t be inclined to buy gifts for people who are ungrateful and disparaging the item in front of you.

Traditional-Load8228 −  NTA. You might consider doing a gift exchange in the future for the adults. My family draws two names each so everyone gets two gifts. We have a price limit that works for us that’s enough to get nice gifts but not break the bank. But this year you spoke up ahead of time and I think you’re fine. ETA. You could have handled it a little nicer though. You could have just said “it’s a lot for us all to buy so many gifts for the adults and we all know that the adults don’t really need much so I’d like to focus on the kids”

AmethystsinAugust −  NTA. You gave them plenty of notice to adjust their plans accordingly. We also decided against adult gifts this year. One group chose to do Secret Santa for adults (which has been a train wreck tbf) and another group opted for a white elephant.

elsie78 −  NTA. Focusing on the kids is perfect. Maybe suggest for next year a white elephant exchange for the adults, with a $20 limit. Or draw names, again with a limit.

Brave-Spring2091 −  I have a very small family, it consists of my husband and I, my mom and dad and a sister. We used to buy for everyone, but no one can even think of that many things they want or need. My parents are in their 70’s and don’t need more stuff. So the last few years we just pick a name and spend a little more on 1 person. Then we do some fun little things, like lottery tickets, holiday candy etc and play a takeaway type game.

My husband has 3 adult kids who each have 2-4 kids. We have been doing gifts for the kids only for that group. otherwise we were just exchanging money/gift cards with the adults. Focusing on just getting together, having some good food and enjoying each others company has made the holiday a lot more fun.

NoListen1231 −  Not at all-my family is finally doing this-seriously spoil the kids, but really it becomes a trading of gift cards or better yet a sweater you wouldn’t have worn, nor would have fit you when you were 12. The end of it here! 🎆