[Update] My (38M) SAHW (40F) has been treating our Son (12M) poorly and favoring our Daughter (9F) ever since I complimented his cooking. How should I handle this?

A Redditor (39M) faced a tumultuous ordeal after his wife (40F) began neglecting their son (12M) in favor of their daughter (9F). After attempts to address her behavior failed, he asked her to leave the house and seek therapy. The situation escalated when she spiraled into destructive behavior, culminating in an overdose and hospitalization.

Despite her apologies, her betrayal and erratic behavior pushed him to serve divorce papers. Now, he grapples with how to handle the timing of the divorce, full custody of his children, and the storm of backlash from her friends and family. Read the full story below:

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/IAOhJ

‘ [Update] My (38M) SAHW (40F) has been treating our Son (12M) poorly and favoring our Daughter (9F) ever since I complimented his cooking. How should I handle this?’

The first thing I did after making my previous post was take my son to my parents’ house to tell them what was happening from his mouth. I figured they may be more receptive to seeing the pain their grandson was going through and not just write it off like they had with me.

They ended up understanding, and supportive of my next move, which was kicking my wife out till she worked through whatever problem she was going through. Next I went to a lawyer and consulted with him.

He told me it would be best to have the papers ready to go, even if I wasn’t sure I wanted the divorce yet because it’s better to get it done as quick as possible if I decided to go through with it because in Canada you have to either have to separate for a year, or prove abuse or a**ltery.

I took the kids to my folks’ house the next Saturday and came back with my mother. I let her talk with my wife first, then when they were done I told her that I needed her to leave the house until she sorted out whatever was causing her to act this way to our son. She, surprisingly, agreed to this.

I’m guessing hearing things from my mother knocked some sense into her, as they were always quite close. I told her that my parents were willing to let her stay there during the time because her parents lived too far away, or I could put her up in a nearby motel. I would also pay for her to see a therapist every week, which I told her was mandatory for fixing things.

Our kids spent the night with my parents and we moved her out the next day, We both sat with the kids and told them what was happening. Our son understood, but our daughter didn’t and was quite upset, but eventually we calmed her down.

Things went well for the first month or so. She went to all of the weekly appointments, and I met her for dinner a few nights a week with the kids and she seemed to be treating our son properly again. I was really hopeful that she had been making progress.

Then the Friday after her fifth therapy appointment she sent me a wall of text messages about how I was an a**hole, and I was trying to steal her children from her, and how I was probably f**king someone on the side. I tried calling her to see what she was talking about but I think she shut her phone off.

I called my mother and she told me that my wife had left the house earlier that day with all of her stuff without saying anything to my mom. I’m not 100% sure what happened next, since my wife has refuses to tell me most details, and I can’t get in contact with the friends she was with.

The best I can piece together was that she had told her best friend about what was happening, and that friend started telling her all about how I was just trying to kick her out and steal her kids. She then moved in with her friend, and went on a week long bender of clubbing and drinking and drugs.

When we were younger we did our fair share of stupid s**t together, so while this was surprising, it was most likely her d**bass friends convincing her to relive the good old days. I hadn’t heard anything for about a week, then I got a text from her friend, telling me I was a l**er, that my wife was too good for me, and that she was f**king a younger guy.

I tried to demand she give my wife the phone so I could talk with her, but I never got a reply. I screenshotted the texts for evidence if I needed it. I ended up getting a call from the hospital at like 3 in the morning that sunday. My wife had overdosed on something, and was dropped off at the ER by someone who didn’t stick around.

Since I was her emergency contact, They reached out to me. I called my mom to come watch the kids and headed over there. They managed to get her stabilized, and were treating her. I stuck around for a few hours and she was in and out of consciousness, and when she was she wasn’t very talkative.

When she properly woke up, she started apologizing for everything, and that’s when I found out the few details I know, about her friend and the bender. I asked her if she had been f**king someone else like her friend said, and she didn’t reply, which was as much of an answer as I needed.

She kept trying to apologize and I just kept my cool and told her this wasn’t the time or place for this. We ended up leaving at about 8 AM the next day. I got her back to my parent’s place, got her into bed, and just before I left, I put the papers on the table beside the bed and told her that I expected her to sign them within a week and that I had proof she cheated on me during her bender.

I had told my parents I was planning on doing this on the phone, so I wasn’t just dumping this drama on them without warning. The kids are both doing fine. They don’t know anything of what happened with their mother or the divorce, all they know is that my wife is still moved out, and that she’s busy getting better so we’re not gonna be seeing her as much.

I’ll probably tell them in a couple weeks whenever school lets out for the summer so it doesn’t affect their learning. Over the next couple weeks I’ve gotten countless calls from her, ranging from begging for a second chance, to screaming at me that she hated me and was going to make my life hell, going back and forth every other day.

I’ve also been getting vitriolic texts from her family and friends calling my all sorts of names and threatening me that if I don’t drop the divorce I’ll regret it, All of which have been screenshotted. My parents agree that divorce is for the best, but they’re questioning my timing, and wondering if I shouldn’t have picked a better time to do this than when she was fresh out of the hospital.

I’m 100% sure I want her out of my life, and I plan on going for full custody of my children as I don’t want them around my wife if this behavior is what she’s willing to stoop to. And while I do want it done as soon as possible, I’m wondering if I should take back the papers and tell her I’ve changed my mind, at least until she’s a bit more stable?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

misterk2020 −  Absolutely do not take back the papers. Your marriage is over and she killed it. She needs to take accountability for what she did and you are trying to ket her off the hook. IMO I would advise your lawyer what’s going on and listen and follow the advice given. You should be filing for full custody IMO. You can always loosen restrictions later.

[Reddit User] −  I’m wondering if I should take back the papers and tell her I’ve changed my mind, at least until she’s a bit more stable? Absolutely not. If your STBX learns that all it takes is a mental breakdown to rope you back in, you’ll end up in the neverending loop of fake suicide threats and hospitalizations and never be able to escape it.

Your STBX made her choices. You gave her every opportunity to fix her s**t and she decided to throw your marriage away and go off the deep end. Divorce is the natural consequence of those actions. She deserves to experience the natural consequences.

You don’t have to be cruel about it or anything. But if you slow or pause your plans because of some crocodile tears, you will absolutely regret it in the long-run. Please note that the vitriolic texts that you are getting came from a coordinated campaign that your wife is running.

She’s not some helpless victim right now. She is quite capable of organizing a hate campaign and making your life a living hell. So she is capable of facing the consequences of her actions as well.

Saint_Blaise −  OP, I’m concerned that she’s going to f**k up your kids emotionally and mentally, especially your daughter. Please set up therapy for yourself and your kids so you can tell them what’s going on in an age-appropriate way in a supportive environment.

There’s absolutely nothing stopping your wife from taking them and filling their heads with nonsense about you. I’m wondering if I should take back the papers and tell her I’ve changed my mind, at least until she’s a bit more stable? No, this is a horrible idea. Continue moving forward and consult with your lawyer about how to handle her family’s threats.

DrHugh −  You need to talk with your lawyer, and perhaps a therapist. You need the lawyer because of the threats you are getting. Your decision to divorce is made on your wife’s behavior and her treatment of your children. Behavior has consequences.

(I’m reminded of [the story of the wife]. who drained a joint account to travel around the world, apparently to have fun, and expecting she could return to the marriage when she got back.) You may need to see what sort of legal options you have for the threats and such.

This includes threats from your wife (I don’t know if you can record the calls she makes to you, but if you can do so in a legal fashion, it would be worthwhile). Talking to a therapist would help you sort through and figure out what is best.

You know you will divorce your wife, the only question seems to be timing. You’ve already delivered the papers. You really can’t undo that. But you might talk to a therapist to find out if there’s any way to navigate your path from this point forward.

youthoughtitwaaas −  As soon as she started doing drugs and CHEATED ON YOU the marriage was over. F**k that lady, if you get back with a c**ater and a clear abuser for your son then this s**t is crazy. Don’t wait till she’s more stable, who the f**k knows when that will happen. Get her out of your life now ! If you keep waiting she’ll just keep having “mental breakdowns” to keep you in.

clearheaded01 −  I’m wondering if I should take back the papers and tell her I’ve changed my mind, at least until she’s a bit more stable?. No!!. …or.. speak to lawyer, maybe?? Thing is, based on your description shes been instable for a while now… and will continue to be so…And this

after I confronted her about this, she started neglecting/emotionally abusing him while shoveling positivity onto our daughter. does give the impression she was already flirting with drugs *then*… Stay strong – keep evidence!! You need it for custody.. And be aware she may very well have been cheating *before* you kickes her out, so get a std check..

nerd_is_a_verb −  Your wife doesn’t love you. She is demanding compliance using a**sive manipulation and holding your children’s mental and emotional health hostage as part of this strategy. Your wife is a Bad Person. She is very selfish and likely very mentally ill.

They are not mutually exclusive- don’t let her off the hook for being a total POS and bad wife/mother just because she’s also got mental health challenges. That’s total BS – plenty of people with mental health challenges address them and lead happy, fulfilling lives and are good to the people to love them.

I don’t know how custody fights work in Canada, but hopefully the hospitalization and sexist disparate treatment of the children is clear enough documentation to get you primary custody with supervised visitation for her only.

Good job with the family therapy. This will need to be long term. Your kids may need individual therapy as well. You too, but it is really important for your kids. Your daughter is being groomed into being an arrogant mean s**iopath golden child, and your son is being pegged as the defective s**pegoat.

MysteriousDudeness −  Stand strong and push through the divorce. Your wife is not stable enough to be around kids.

Ifiwerenyourshoes −  Nope, send her a co parenting app, and let her know if you continue receiving calls from her friends and family, you will ensure they all get served with restraining order and you will fight for full custody,

but you and want their mother in their lives. However, Due to her lack in judgement and friend choice, cheating, and behavior, you will never get back with her and you hope to co parent together.

[Reddit User] −  She’s been cheating from the get go.  No chance that this behavior towards your son started from nothing. I’m so sorry this is happening.

This heartbreaking story highlights the complexities of protecting children while navigating personal grief and betrayal. Was serving divorce papers immediately after her hospitalization the right choice, or should he have waited for her to stabilize? How would you approach balancing compassion for a struggling partner with safeguarding your family’s well-being? Share your thoughts below!