I (35F) started my tattoo sleeve & my husband (34M) is mad because another man “marked” me. Did I do something wrong?

A Redditor (35F) shares her story about starting a traditional tattoo sleeve and how her husband (34M) reacted negatively because the tattoo artist was a man. Despite being initially supportive.

Her husband expressed anger, claiming he should have been the first to “mark” her permanently. She’s confused and hurt, questioning whether she did something wrong by pursuing a long-time dream of hers. Read the original story below:

‘ I (35F) started my tattoo sleeve & my husband (34M) is mad because another man “marked” me. Did I do something wrong?’

I recently started a traditional sleeve. It’s going to be pieced together and I found a really good (male) artist nearby. I don’t know many women in my area who do trad style, I really like his work, and he had availability and great prices so I just went for it. The first one I got, my husband was fine with.

I told him before I reached out to the artist, showed him his IG, showed him the flower I was getting. After the appointment, I called him to let him know it went well, he was cool, and he’s a powerlifter so we talked about the gym a lot. The artist had missed a spot and had let me know to come in and he would give me a good price on my next one.

So I sent him a couple of things and made an appointment for two more (my arm felt so incomplete with just one!). My husband knew about this appointment. The day of (yesterday), he was very distant. I invited him to come with me, but he said no. So I left, got them done, and came home.

Now it’s been almost 24 hours and he has not really spoken to me. Today he came to me and said he’s upset because I let another man mark me forever before he got to mark me. He knew I wanted a sleeve. I’ve been showing him pictures of tattoos for months. He knows I have had issues with my body my whole life.

He knew I never felt confident enough to be myself and do the things i want to do – and he was happy that I was finally trying to become the person I always wanted to be. My insta is literally full of girls working out, traditional tattoos, and girls working out with tattoos. I’ve wanted them for YEARS and I’m finally doing it.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Karaoke_Singer −  What does “before he got to” mark you mean?

floridaeng −  Can someone with better reddit skills than me post a link to the story about the guy leaving his wife because she let another male s**k on her nipples, and the male was her newborn son.. These two guys must be brothers. Edit to add – I mentioned this other post as another example of a man’s crazy possessive claims on their partner’s body.

WhimsicalError −  I have two theories: 1. He’s so far down the A/B/O hole on Ao3 that he forgot marking your partner isn’t a real thing. or 2. He views you as something he owns, that needs to be marked by him and only him so nobody else touches his toy

Ponder this OP: Is this new or is this a pattern in your relationship, where he gets upset about you speaking, being near or being friends with other men? Can you have friends of all genders? Can you see your friends alone?

Meridienne −  Has he started listening to those crazy misogynistic guys recently?

AesopFabel −  Sounds controlling and toxic and I’d get good money he has dozens of other red flags. Sounds exhausting

hbprof −  “Marking you?” Like one night do to cattle? WTF is wrong with your husband? That’s so gross.

Primary-Friend-7615 −  Today he came to me and said he’s upset because _I let another man mark me forever **before he got to mark me**_ Um. Honey. This is a completely unhinged thing to think, let alone _say_, and is a giant red flag.

Primary-Owl-9086 −  Dear OP. You’ve received great comments responding to your question, you have done nothing wrong. I would like you to think about the answer you’d give to 2 questions.

1. If someone told you that you’re just like your husband – would you take that as a compliment? 2. Would you like a loved one, someone very important to you, to end up with a person just like your husband? I think the answers to these questions might guide you on what you should do further into this relationship.

justmeraw −  He’s trying to dull your sparkle. He knew you were excited. He looked for an excuse to ruin your joy.

DplusLplusKplusM −  Unless your husband is also a tattoo artist this amounts to a dog pissing on a tree to mark his turf. But if your husband IS a tattoo artist then one could see why he’s upset you weren’t letting him do the work.

Is the husband’s reaction about “marking” justified, or does it reflect a deeper issue about autonomy and personal choices in relationships? Should the Redditor have handled the situation differently, or is her husband overreacting? Share your thoughts below!