My(M32) wife’s(F27) ex-boyfriend sent me a video of him h*ving s** with my wife . How can I even deal with this?

A man is grappling with emotional turmoil after receiving an unsolicited and deeply personal video from his wife’s ex-boyfriend. The video, a private moment from her past relationship, has left him questioning their present connection and consumed by intrusive thoughts. With his wife unaware of the situation, he’s torn between confronting her, addressing the ex, or processing his emotions alone.

‘ My(M32) wife’s(F27) ex-boyfriend sent me a video of him h*ving s** with my wife . How can I even deal with this?’

My wife and I have been married for four years, and we’re expecting our first child. Our relationship has always felt healthy and stable. I know about her ex-boyfriend because they were together for a long time before we met, but I hadn’t heard anything about him after we got married.

Last week, we hosted a small gathering to announce my wife’s pregnancy to close friends and family. Everything went as planned until, a couple of days later, I received a message from her ex. At first, I thought it was just a random or mistaken text, but it turned out to be far more troubling.

He sent me a video from their past relationship. I initially hesitated to open it, knowing it could only bring pain, but curiosity got the better of me. What I saw was a deeply personal and intimate moment between them. Although it happened years ago, the intensity and emotion in the video struck me hard. It felt like I was watching something meant to stay buried in the past, yet it left me questioning everything about our present.

Since then, I’ve been consumed by intrusive thoughts. I can’t stop replaying the video in my mind, nor can I ignore the emotions it’s stirred up. My wife has noticed that something is off, but I haven’t told her about the message or the video. I’m torn between protecting her from this painful revelation and addressing my own turmoil.

I don’t know how to move forward. Should I confront her about the video? Should I confront her ex for intruding into our lives this way? Or should I try to work through these emotions on my own? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.”

These are the responses from Reddit users:

murphy2345678 −  Find out if your location has revenge porn laws. Then file a police report.

lostinthepantry −  Your wife deserves to know about a video of her being shared without her consent. You need to realize how messed up it is that her ex still has the video and actually had the guts to share it with you. He isn’t stable. Their relationship didn’t work out for a reason.

trilliumsummer −  You realize that what he did is a crime and you discuss with the police and possibly a lawyer how to deal with this. As for the rest – you realize that you had past partners too. You probably looked similar with them and said similar things to them.

So it’s not like anything on the tape devalues your relationship unless your past relationships also devalue your relationship. Just because things were said or done during them doesn’t mean they were better. And the fact that they ended pretty much proves that they weren’t better than your relationship.

Plus the whole her choosing to marry you. It’s hard to let logic rule here – that’s a really s**tty thing to happen to you. But at the forefront of your mind you need to keep that your wife did nothing to you. And also that letting this hurt your relationship is EXACTLY what that a**hole wants to do.

He wants you to feel insecure and punish your wife – don’t play into his hands. And again – consult with the police/lawyer. Revenge porn is illegal in a lot of places and that’s what it is.

Dry_Case_19 −  That’s illegal. Distribution of essentially revenge porn. Contact the police.

Smart-Caterpillar696 −  So, you need to do a couple of things, in my opinion. Tell her. Sending s** tapes is a crime! Remember that they broke up, so there is a reason she didn’t stay with him. She’s with YOU and is having YOUR baby, and it seems like she’s pretty happy with her life with you.

He’s jealous because you got the girl, and you’re having the life he missed out on. She did nothing wrong. Go to therapy and just talk it out with a neutral third party. I can see how it’s messing with your head. That’s 100% understandable.

Jealous-Ad-5146 −  That’s so fucked up. She should press charges.

Only-Bag1747 −  You have to tell her about this. What he did is reprehensible, and probably criminal. She deserves to know that her ex is using a s** video of them to try to ruin her current relationship. What she chooses to do with that information is up to her. Personally, I hope she contacts the authorities and explores legal options.

As for your relationship with her – you do your best to get over it. Everyone has a past. I probably wouldn’t want to watch a video of my wife interacting with other guys that she was with before me, and fortunately, I’ve never had to.

But I know she was with other guys before she met me, and she chose me. The same is true of you. This guy is just trying to hurt you. It’s understandable that you won’t like what you saw, but don’t let him win by ruining your relationship.

Decent_Bandicoot122 −  “Thanks for the video. Makes me feel good that I could finish the job you couldn’t.” Boom!!! And tell your wife. This is revenge porn and a cease and desist letter from an attorney should do the trick.

NamingandEatingPets −  Yes, you should tell her. What he did was illegal. I don’t know why it would bother you so much because obviously it happened before you were married, right? You knew she was with someone and had s** with him. *She chose YOU*.

This guy is obviously not over her, incredibly jealous, and he is trying to ruin things for you and guess what- you’re letting him. Revenge porn is illegal in most places so I would call local law-enforcement, and tell your wife that you have her back. You should- she’s a victim here.

[Reddit User] −  Think about it a little harder… what you’re feeling is exactly his plan. Why would you want him to win? You have already won? You got he girl mate. Also, contact the police and a lawyer.

This is not ok, and while you may want to forget about it, he needs to suffer consequences. People need to know that this is not ok and they will be punished. Only way to reduce how often this happens.