Secrets are never forever. Me 56f, Husband 55M How do I deal with this?

A Reddit user shared a heart-wrenching story about a long-buried secret that has come to light. After her son took a DNA ancestry test, it was revealed that her husband of 32 years is not his biological father. Now, she is grappling with how to break the devastating truth to her husband and fears the impact it will have on their family. Read the original story below:

‘ Secrets are never forever. Me 56f, Husband 55M How do I deal with this?’

We have 2 children 27 son and a 30 daughter. 4 grandchildren. We have been married for 32 years. I want to keep this as short as possible but I am so scared of what is going to happen to our lives now this secret has come out. My son came and saw me a week ago. My husband was at work.

We sat down and I knew something was wrong and I was concerned for him. I told him to just tell me what the problem was and we will sort through whatever it was. He said he didnt know how to start so he will just put it all on the table and see what I have to say.

I was getting very concerned at this stage never thinking that what he would tell me could destroy our lives. My son told me that he took a ancestry DNA test because like his Dad he was interested in Geneology and he wanted his kids to kow where they came from and the history.

I still hadnt clicked at that stage, I thought that it came back with a medical issue that may be present and expressed my thoughts. No Mom he said that isnt the problem, the problem is that Dad has no common DNA. I started shaking and went into shock. He asked if his Dad knows. I told him no, I didnt know until now.

The secret I had kept for 28 years is no longer a secret. I knew that my son could of been the product of a mistake I had made early on in my marriage but when he was born he looked so much like my husband and I that I dismissed it and convinced myself he was his.

The mistake/bad choice was when we were going through a tough time with my husband working long hours and we were struggling to get a deposit for a house. We were also trying for a second child. One of my husbands friends was in our lives as he was going through a break up and we were trying to be supportive.

My husband was at work and his friend and I was drinking and just talking about life, we got drunk and we actually did something wrong to my husband. I cant even remember it and the next morning his friend and I was mortified and vowed never to bring it up again.

It was such a long time ago I can not even really remember it. I dismissed it as a one time mistake and have never been tempted to cheat again. Well I fell pregnant and here we are. My husband is such a loving man and our marriage has always been strong. My son wants me to tell him as he will find out soon enough through Ancestry.

How do I proceed ? I am disgusted that this is going destroy my husband, my entire family. I know I was a POS back then for what I did. I can not erase that, but the hurt we are all going to go through I can not fathom. My husband has not found out yet but I have to tell him before he finds out.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  So when your husband finds out, it’s important to remember that for him it didn’t happen 30 years ago. For him it happened when he found out, and anything you say to the contrary is basically invalidating that.

Any kind of credit you think you’ve built up since then isn’t real, it’s in your head only. From your husband’s perspective, this is something that just happened. Be respectful of that.

Specialist-Host-4707 −  28 years ago or 28 minutes will make no difference to him. However he reacts he is entitled to.

waffenpzrgdr44 −  I would mentally prepare for a divorce, honestly. This isn’t just a small mistake, this is a disaster. This man is going to feel emotions he’s never felt before. Godspeed, I guess.

Dear-Midnight −  My husband has not found out yet but I have to tell him before he finds out. I agree. This is going to be hard for him not just because of what you did, but because his son is not related to him, and that’s going to come as a shock.

Detroitasfuck −  he was at work trying to get a down payment and help pay for new child expenses. You were drinking at home f**king his friend smh

RedHeadedScourge −  Wow. Just…wow.

CC_Fitness −  “Early into our marriage” is just a cop out. As if it’s the same as early doors dating phases.

andrew02020 −  I need you to understand you weren’t just unfaithful to him once. Every day that you woke up and decided not to tell him, you lied to him again. When you fess up, understand you are not just fessing up to cheating once 28 years ago, you are fessing up to lying to him for 28 years. Short of violence, any reaction he has is justified.

merchillio −  “I took exit #6 instead of #7 on the highway” is a mistake. There are a lot of steps between sitting on a couch and being n**ed with a penis inside you. It’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.

You tell him the truth, you do not use the passive language, you take responsibility and you let him decide what to do. ~~If I was him I’d fight tooth and nail to get full custody and make you pay child support.~~ fixed because the son is 27

MeetingUnlikely3236 −  You are going to destroy your husband, you lied by omission for 28+ years. Please be ready for the consequences of your choice to cheat and lie. You will not be able fix any of this, look in the mirror and you will see a divorced woman.

How would you handle revealing such a life-altering truth to a loved one? Is honesty the best approach here, or should she try to manage the situation differently? Share your thoughts and advice below!