AITA for refusing to let my in-laws use my car?

A Reddit user (26F) shared their frustration about their in-laws frequently asking to borrow her car, despite not offering support when she needed it. After totaling her car, she struggled to get another one, while her sister-in-law was repeatedly allowed to drive the in-laws’ car without being on the insurance.

The user laid down rules for using her car, including not using it as a backup, but her in-laws continuously pressured her to lend it out. Despite repeated instances of frustration and feeling taken advantage of, the user is now questioning if she’s being unreasonable for refusing to lend them her car. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my in-laws use my car?’

I (26F) have an okay car at the moment, not the car I wanted but it gets me where I need to go. For context, I totaled my last car(long story) and was too scared to drive for a while. In-laws got a new car around this time. After a few months had passed, I had finally grown confident enough to try again, so I would ask my mother in-law if I could start driving myself places. Every time I asked she would always tell me that I can’t because I wasn’t on the insurance.

Fast forward a few months, my sis in-law messed up her car somehow & my mother in-law was letting her drive their car. Eventually I find out from my father in-law that my sis in-law isn’t on the insurance either so he doesn’t know why she won’t let me drive. It became a constant argument on why she’s allowed to drive but not me. As soon as I got my car, I decided to lay down some rules based off the situation surrounding their car:

1) I’m not taking sis in-laws’ kids anywhere or picking them up bc they leave trash in mother in-laws car & 2) my car is not a backup vehicle. If something happens to y’all’s car, you’ll have to figure something out. Nothing too crazy right?? Fast forward a few months & sister in-law messed up her car again so now they’re sharing one car. Except every time sis in-law takes their car they turn around and ask me to use mine. When I’d say no because rule.

#2 they’d get mad and say “well we need you to help us out”. So my reaction would be “well I needed help too & had to fight yall for months to get it” & then I’d end up letting happen anyways because my backbone don’t exist. At one point, my husband had to have a convo with his dad because he thought it would be cool to go pick up one of the kids from school when he only asked me to take my car to the store. Mind you, his dad knew I wasn’t okay with that.

After getting my car out of the shop from an accident & spending way to much money taking lyft to work everyday, my mother in-law was stressing about how she would get to work because my father in-law also needed to use their car to get to work. I tell her, “you know uber & lyft are a thing right?? yall didn’t offer to take me to work so…..” Of course she got mad & of course I felt like I was getting buffed down again, so I caved.

Yesterday, my father in-law somehow messed up their car & now they can’t drive it, meaning my car is the only working vehicle. Despite the amount of times I’ve caved, I wanna stand 10 toes down on my decision to not let them use my car because:

1) i feel like they just let me struggle for years, not helping me get a car & not letting me drive ntm i continuously watched them help out my sister in-law even though she’s totaled every car she’s had, 2) they should’ve gotten a second car for these situation instead of expecting me to let them use my car & 3) i feel like they don’t ever expect me to say no to them. Am i really the a**hole here bc idk at this point.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

StrictShelter971 −  Let me get this straight. So you have car problems and your family won’t help you. Yet your family has car problems they expect you to help them , and you do! Where’s your spine?

dauphineep −  NTA. But do you live with these people? If not, why are you even answering their calls. And if you do live with them, work more and get out of the house so that 1. You have more money saved up to move out and 2. You’re not home for them to use your car.

No_Skirt4289 −  I’m not sure who the AH is here. But holy moly, the number of car accidents that all the cars have been in, I don’t think I’d be lending my car to anyone in this story.

geekylace −  They’re not on the insurance. End of discussion.. NTA.

RemoteTax6978 −  Can any of you even drive without “messing up” a car? I probably wouldn’t lend my vehicle to this family either. But I agree with the others. They support you. S**k it up. ESH.

HorseygirlWH −  Do you live with them? If so, do you pay rent? If not, you should lend them your car. If you don’t live with them, they can either 1. buy another car 2. rent a car 3. use uber/lyft 4. use public transportation. You do need to grow a backbone and tell them they can’t use your car and hubby needs to say the same. You’d be NTA if you don’t want to lend them a car.

pixie-ann −  Why do you all keep “messing up” your cars? Do none of you know how to drive properly? Why are you so enmeshed in each other’s lives? Do you all live together? Is there no public transport or school buses where you live? Where is your husband in all of this? Why couldn’t you use his car when necessary instead of MIL’s car?

Apart-Scene-9059 −  Info: Is sister in law their daughter?

inplightmovie −  You certainly don’t have to let them use your car, but do you not understand why they were hesitant to let you use theirs at the time? You had totaled a car and were admittedly scared to start driving again. They didn’t want you practicing driving again on their car, the insurance thing was probably an excuse. All that being said, you have no obligation whatsoever to let them use your car. But I think you’re having hurt feelings over the wrong things.

GeneConscious5484 −  Bro there’s a new car crash every paragraph, ESH.