My (25F) boyfriend (40M) got rid of my collection without asking me but says he didn’t do it to hurt me; how do I get past this?

A 25-year-old woman is heartbroken after discovering that her boyfriend (40M) discarded her cherished doll collection without consulting her. The boyfriend claimed he did it with “good intentions,” believing she should “grow up” now that they’re expecting their first child.

Despite his reasoning, she feels deeply betrayed and is struggling to forgive and move past the situation. She’s seeking advice on how to navigate her feelings and address this issue in their relationship.

‘ My (25F) boyfriend (40M) got rid of my collection without asking me but says he didn’t do it to hurt me; how do I get past this? ‘

We have been together for a year and a half and I recently found out that I am pregnant with our first child. Since i was 12 I’ve collected a particular type of dolls and associated merchandise and I’m really passionate about it, I had a pretty extensive collection after 13 years!

Obviously now that I’m not 12 anymore I don’t play with them, but I have a couple shelves in my office, a few of my favorites in the bedroom and a few on the bookshelf in the living room. He has room for his hobby stuff too 🙂 He has said before he thought they were more for kids, but at the same time, he’s bought me dolls,

even helping me find rare ones at times so I thought he came around to them and I was surprised to find, after going to visit my dad for a few days, that he had gotten rid of my entire collection when I came back. Everything is gone. I haven’t stopped crying since I got back and we had the biggest fight.

He said he made the decision because now that we’re having a baby it’s time for me to grow up and get rid of them, but he thought it would be easier on me if he did it when I wasn’t there. He says his intentions were good but I’m so, so devastated. I’ve never been more upset in my entire life.

My question is: how can I get over this and move past it, and stop feeling like this was a betrayal, since he says he meant it with good intentions? I’ve just never felt this sad in my whole life.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Enough_Insect4823 −  He’s testing your boundaries now that he thinks you can’t leave.

Ohmigoshness −  That’s actually really mean. I’m sad for you.

WanderingPine −  OP, what he did is a form of domestic abuse, and telling you it was for your own good as well as the good of the baby is him trying to condition you to accept his control.

rthrouw1234 −  Don’t get over it. It *was* a betrayal. If I punched you in the face but said “I had only good intentions!” would you believe me?

marxam0d −  Oh sweety, no. Abuse ramps up when you’re pregnant because he thinks he’s locked you down. He’s getting meaner because he thinks you won’t go anywhere. This only gets worse. Think about it – he’s 40 years old. Do you truly think he didn’t know you cared for this collection?

Do you truly think he didn’t know you’d be upset? Unless he is frequently an absolute i**ot he 100% knew and did it anyway. He chose to do a thing he knew would hurt you. He did it on a day you were gone so you couldn’t stop him.

He could have asked you. He could have done it while you were home. He didn’t. He picked the meanest option and then somehow tried to make himself the victim when you got upset. He’s playing you, don’t let him.

coccopuffs606 −  It feels like a betrayal because it is one. For further context, dude is 40 and dating a 25 year old woman…he’s doing this to you because women his own age wouldn’t put up with that b**lshit. He thinks he can dispose of your property because he doesn’t see you as an equal partner.

ComfortableSearch704 −  Here’s a way to see this: He made a judgment about something you liked. Then without discussion he made a decision for you based on his judgement. I don’t know how you get over something like this because it is massively disrespectful.

Oh, there’s a part of me that wants you to toss out all the stuff he has that means something to him, all of it, but that’s not nice…is it? 😎 Edited to add: Holy crap! I didn’t see the ages. Oh man.. OP needs to read Bancroft Lundy’s book “Why Does He Do That”. Anyone have the pdf link handy?. Edited: found it

WildlyUninteresting −  That’s actually a crime. He disposed of property that wasn’t his own and additionally you valued. It was malicious because he would have asked you first. You should have ended the relationship immediately but now you are having a baby with him. Expect no respect from him.

themajorfall −  Honestly, you absolutely need to get an a**rtion and leave.  He destroyed your collection on purpose because he’s starting to ramp up the abuse and control.  He knows that now that you’re pregnant, you’re tied to him for eighteen years.  That no matter what you do, you’re legally trapped by him.  So now that you can’t escape, he’s starting to ramp up the abuse.  It will only get worse from here.