I (F26) accidentally had my baby at my friend’s (F31) house, and now she’s pissed. How do I solve this?

A Reddit user shared a dramatic story about unexpectedly giving birth at her friend’s house during a casual movie night with her close-knit friend group. While she and her baby are doing well, the host of the gathering.

Ella, has been cold and distant ever since, even sending her a bill for a damaged sofa. Now, the user is unsure how to mend their friendship and seeks advice on handling this delicate situation. Read the original story below:

‘ I (F26) accidentally had my baby at my friend’s (F31) house, and now she’s pissed. How do I solve this?’

I have a close friend group consisting of 7 women (including myself). We’re all around the same age (26-32). Some of us have known each other since we were wee kids, so some are closer than others. We do girl’s night about every month but decided to keep it chill and do a movie night at Ella’s house seeing as myself and Sarah are pregnant.

I was at 36 weeks at the time. I had been having some discomfort for some days (nothing I wasn’t told was completely normal) when things suddenly got kicked up a bigass notch. (Idk if that’s how you say it.) Things got a bit hazy from there, but I went from discomfort to active labour in a short time.

I didn’t feel comfortable moving at that point so someone called our version of 911. With the help of the EMT my child, with impeccable timing and a flair for the dramatic, was born on her sofa. The girls were amazing, supportive. But when the EMT’s came they did ask most of them to leave & I was grateful they did as it was very overwhelming.

I only asked Grace to stay, who I’ve known since we were tiny humans and at that point I had already crushed her hand (her words). (She also is a nurse.) The weeks after have been a whirlwind. Despite everything baby & I are fine. My partner was initially upset she missed her birth but moved on quickly as she fell in love with our baby.

Thing is that Ella has been cold towards us ever since. She’s the only one who hasn’t come by. When I apologised and thanked her, she sent me a bill for the sofa. (Which I don’t mind paying at all but it still felt kinda.. harsh?) Sarah and some of the others said she was upset I (& the EMT) sent her outside.

I love those girls, but I already was in a panic & having all of them there was just too much. Ella seems really hurt though? Sarah & Grace mentioned she at first didn’t want to leave (I don’t remember this) as it’s her house, that she wanted to be there when the baby was born. Apparently Sarah’s the one who told her it’s not about her now, and got her out.

(She did ask months before to be there as well but we had already decided only my partner was gonna be there.) I don’t really know how to fix this. I feel guilty, my wife says I shouldn’t. How do I go about all this? She barely wants to speak to me, she’s been distant towards the girls as well.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Pokeynono −  . I had an unplanned home birth. A friend suggested I call the insurance company. It turns out accidental damage included damage from amniotic fluid and I got a new sofa. EDIT. I love my little snippet turned into a language lesson

knitlikeaboss −  I mean, you couldn’t control when you went into labor, but it is on you to pay for her couch.

arcxiii −  I’m surprised you didn’t offer to pay for the sofa after the fact. Pay her for the sofa and set up a time to talk to her directly. Make it clear you want to hash it out and clear the air. Maybe try and schedule a time to pay her in person so you can talk then.

samy_ret −  Honestly there are two separate issues. One is the big miss from you and your partner on the sofa. Now that you’ve given birth you know how messy it is. It’s like a freaking crime scene. No one wants to sit on a couch where someone gives birth. A couch is an expensive and important piece of furniture.

That your partner didn’t step in and ask to immediately pay for a replacement and offer to get cleaners for the room is baffling. And if you have time to post this on Reddit and you haven’t offered a replacement and payment to Ella yet, that’s really bad manners and thoughtless.

Her sending you the couch bill as a response is curt, but your apology should have included an offer to pay so that’s a huge miss. The other issue is her not being in the room. That is a her issue and has nothing to do with you.

It’s common sense that when a medical emergency is happening, even if it is your room, you can step out and give privacy and dignity and space to the patient and medical professionals. You don’t owe her a seat at your birth, and your ask was absolutely valid.

If she’s miffed about that, it’s on her, and she needs to get over it. You needn’t feel guilty about this at all. So make the payment for the sofa, apologise for not offering immediately and move on !

theEx30 −  Pay the sofa, nurse the child and move on. Ella doesn’t matter at all

Avocadofarmer32 −  This is giving major creative writing vibes.

Princess-She-ra −  When I apologised and thanked her, she sent me a bill for the sofa. (Which I don’t mind paying at all but it still felt kinda.. harsh?)
So you hadn’t already offered to replace her sofa? Why is this harsh?

I get it that you didn’t do this on purpose, and I get it that you were o**rwhelmed, but surely you can understand that she would expect you to at least cover the cleaning costs? Other than that, there’s nothing you can or should do. Pay for the sofa, maybe send her done flowers or cookies as an extra thank you/apology and move on.. Congratulations on your baby!

imyourkidnotyourmom −  Give it time. Pay for the new couch. I’m sure her old one is an absolute crime scene at this point.  People will judge her for being slighted, but feelings are weird like that. She may have felt a twinge of resentment at not being close enough to you to be invited to witness your birth.

(Does she potentially not have an opportunity to birth her own, or do you feel like she feels closer to you than you do to her?) she moved past that, and then you gave birth in her house. You asked her to leave not only the process, but also her home, which increased the resentment again.

She did leave, but felt upset about it. She may have seen you giving birth in her home as a sign that she was more a part of this than she was. Then you presumably left with the EMTs, and she was left resentful with a cancelled party, a social r**ection, and an enormous and usually very visceral mess to clean up.

Every time she sees that couch, she’s probably feeling rejected, slighted, and a bit used. Then she sees it again and again.  If she matters to you and you have the means, replace the couch and potentially pay to have her living room professionally cleaned.

Then, after some time, if she matters to you, specifically invite HER to meet the baby. If she matters enough that you’re ok with that. If she doesn’t matter to you and you’re just trying to keep group unity, then replace the couch and give her time.

She’ll usually figure out you like her casually, but not as much as she likes you. She’ll probably calm down. Or she’ll ask to be at Sarah’s birth because this is about birth for some reason. TLDR: replace the couch and give her time. 

Sauce_Addict85 −  I don’t think it’s harsh that she asked you to replace her sofa at all. I’m surprised you didn’t offer

spunkiemom −  Pay for the sofa asap with a nice note and flowers and give her some time. She got kicked out of your labor, fine, but she also got kicked out of her own home while strangers took it over. Regardless of the reason, that can be upsetting to a lot of people, especially if they were harsh to her. Give her time to get over it.. Is she upset with anyone else?

Do you think Ella’s reaction was justified, or should she be more understanding given the unforeseen circumstances? How would you navigate repairing a friendship strained by such a dramatic event? Share your thoughts below!