[UPDATE] My (33m) wife (34f)’s ex just died. He left a kid who isn’t biologically either of ours, how do I talk to my wife about taking the kid in?

A Reddit user shares an update on his conversation with his wife, Kara, about taking in her late ex-husband’s son, Levi. After doing more research into Levi’s situation and his lack of family support, the user decided to have a direct conversation with Kara.

To his relief, Kara was open to the idea of fostering Levi or at least arranging visits for him and Charlotte. The user also expressed understanding of Kara’s past trauma and how it has affected her reactions. Read the original story below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/PQUtY

‘[UPDATE] My (33m) wife (34f)’s ex just died. He left a kid who isn’t biologically either of ours, how do I talk to my wife about taking the kid in? ‘

So, after reading through as many comments as I could, I was even more nervous than ever about talking to my wife. I was also even more convinced that this was a conversation I needed to have sooner rather than later.

I also tried to get more information about Levi’s situation and why no one could take him from my wife, and according to Kara, Levi’s mom emigrated from another country and doesn’t have any family here. One of her ex’s parents is in aged care and the other is unwilling for some reason.

As for the rest of his extended family, I don’t know and neither does she, but she did say that he’s no contact with most of his family and has been disowned by a fair number of them. Someone may reach out in the future, but it seems unlikely.

Last night, Charlotte was over at her friend’s house for a sleepover, so Kara and I had dinner alone together. I started by bringing up how lonely I thought Charlotte was and how glad I was that she was feeling well enough to go over to her friend’s house.

Kara agreed, and I basically got straight to the point by saying how I thought that she’d feel better if she could spend time with her brother, and asked if she might consider taking on Levi as a kinship foster. Kara looked thoughtful for a minute, before tentatively agreeing.

We’re going to be taking steps to see about taking him in, and at the very least setting up visits so that the siblings can see each other. This is a huge weight off my shoulders, knowing that she doesn’t resent a little kid for her relationship with his father, and that she was able to have a rational conversation regarding a topic related to her ex.

The last time we had a conversation about him (I’d accidentally used a phrase that her ex used a lot during their fights and she got triggered by it), she ended up storming out and staying at a hotel for the night so that she could calm down. She’s a lovely woman, I know it might not seem like that from my posts but she really is.

She had a really toxic and borderline a**sive relationship which almost resulted in her losing access to her daughter, so I hope that y’all don’t think of her as a monster, but as a loving wife and mother with some trauma that she’s trying her damndest to work through with the support of her therapist and myself.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Aloreiusdanen −  Glad you were able to ask her and that you both were able to communicate about this issue. That’s part of marriage. It’s not all butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes we have to talk about the hard/difficult stuff. Hope this works out for all of you. Best of luck

Coolerthanunicorns −  I’m so happy about this outcome. Your wife seems like a lovely woman.

ohdearitsrichardiii −  I’m glad reddit didn’t talk you out of this. There were so many negative and pessimistic comments I was worried that you were going to abandon the idea

[Reddit User] −  So glad to see this happy update. I wish you and your lovely wife all the best in your new endeavor.

jvc1011 −  Good. Fostering gives you rights, financial help, and the ability to adopt if mom’s parental rights are terminated. All of that means more stability for Levi (and Charlotte too).

PuzzledUpstairs8189 −  No you didn’t paint your wife in anyway. She had a bad previous relationship and you were nervous about broaching a difficult subject. I’m really happy she’s open to the idea and there’s a path forward as a family. I agree with everyone saying family counseling.

Levi lost a parent and living with new people. Charlotte is gaining a sibling living in her house. Kara may have complex feelings about taking on Levi and you have to be the rock in the situation. That’s a lot for everyone to handle, but we’re rooting for you! Best of luck to your expanding family

MZsince93 −  I’m really happy that this was a positive outcome, but she wouldn’t have been a ‘monster’ if she had said no.

Adventurous-travel1 −  So happy to heard this positive update.

Ambitious-Cover-1130 −  RESPECT. Both to you and her!

kbiteg −  I don’t think this is over yet, she did agree for now but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t resent the kid or has bad feelings about it.

Do you think it’s important for siblings to stay together, even in difficult circumstances? How do you feel about the balance between respecting a partner’s past and supporting a child’s needs? Share your thoughts below!