I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I’m lazy. I’m afraid people are starting to buy it.

A 32-year-old woman working overnights in a demanding medical field is facing criticism from her father-in-law, who calls her lazy for sleeping during the day. Her family, including her brother and mother, are starting to adopt his negative views. Despite her husband supporting her, she’s unsure how to address the situation with her family without causing a rift or cutting her father-in-law out entirely.

‘ I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I’m lazy. I’m afraid people are starting to buy it.’

I work overnights in a very demanding medical field. My sleep schedule has always been nocturnal, so this feels more natural to me than working days and brings my stress down. My husband is gone 5 days out of the week as a truck driver, and my days off are the same days he’s home thanks to my seniority, and we are both night owls during this period.

My mother-in-law recently passed away, so my father-in-law sold everything and moved to where we were and has been included in my family events. At Christmas, my brother pulled me aside to let me know that my father-in-law is telling anyone who will listen that I am lazy because I ‘sleep all day.’

I work 12-24 hour shifts at my job during the days I am working. The only reason I get my days off to align with my husband is the seniority I have, and even then I often have to work when he’s home.

I’ve now noticed that, along with him calling me, I am starting to miss calls around 2 or 3 pm from family members who know I am home and are asking me to do things for them during the day. I am usually asleep by noon and have to be up for work around 8 or 9 pm. I’ve sat these people down to explain that I am an overnight emergency worker and that I need my sleep.

My husband sat my father-in-law down and explained to him what I do, how I need my sleep, and that he’s being a j**k. My father-in-law maintains that a real job doesn’t have overnights. I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. My husband stands behind me and says if I want to cut him out even just to let him have a time out, he’s game.

I also don’t know how to address my whole family about this. My Mom combats it as much as possible, but his way of thinking is starting to permeate them, too.

TL;DR: I am emergency medical personnel that works 3rd shift. My father in law thinks I’m lazy and is starting to infect some of my family with that idea. How do I combat this?

Edit: Thank you for all the comments. I wasn’t expecting this to blow up. I posted it and went to sleep, thinking I’d have a few good replies. I’m on PTO for the next few days, so I will be taking some of this advice and talking to the problematic folks.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

rumplebutter −  I work nights and I just return calls at 2 and 3 am when its convenient for me. They catch on

NinjaSarBear −  Start ringing fil in at 2/3in the morning and asking him why he isnt up yet, tell him hes lazy for sleeping when your at work, when he tells you you’re being ridiculous respond accordingly

YannislittlePEEPEE −  yeah, all of those overnight emergency room doctors and nurses, air traffic controllers, firefighters, paramedics, and cops don’t have real jobs and are just dicking around.. your FIL’s an i**ot.

June_Monroe −  I’m happy that your husband is on your side! Don’t feel bad for your FIL he doesn’t feel bad for you. He needs to move out ASAP! Also it’s not your job to do anyone’s errands! Ask these people that when the f**k are you supposed to sleep if you work from x to y?! I’m petty so I would call them in middle of the night!

Vaultdwellersparecat −  What in the world? I’m also a shift worker and I have been for years. Never has anyone questioned the validity of my job. You want to do something or need my help you either catch me when I get off at 8am or wait until my day off.

murderousbudgie −  Surely not everyone in your family is dumb. I wouldn’t worry about it.

tossout7878 −  I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. That doesn’t make it okay to treat you like s**t, and his own SON is saying you can cut him off for being an a**hole. It’s time.

baconhawk8907 −  I never understood where this awake in the morning superiority comes from. How is it that people who get up 6 or 7am are so condescending when they’re also going to sleep around 9-10pm.

As a student I’ve gotten this so much from my parents in both high school and college. I might be averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night, but god forbid you sleep past 10am on the weekend and LAZY!!!

TooManyAnts −  I don’t want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. My husband stands behind me and says if I want to cut him out even just to let him have a time out, he’s game. Don’t make him your charity case. Listen to your husband, it’s his father after all. Also your husband can and maybe should counter some of this by talking to other people about how hard you’ve been working. That’s good to do too.

LifeIsAPepeHands −  Has he always been like this or when his wife died this behavior started occurring? I would have been livid with him. My biggest pet peeve is when people dictate what a ‘real job’ is.

Navigating family dynamics while working unconventional hours can be tricky. How would you handle a family member who doesn’t respect your work schedule or lifestyle? Should she confront the family directly, or take a more passive approach? Share your thoughts below!