My (33m) wife (34f)’s ex just died. He left a kid who isn’t biologically either of ours, how do I talk to my wife about taking the kid in?

A Reddit user shared his dilemma about whether to bring up the idea of taking in his wife’s late ex-husband’s son, Levi, after his father passed away. Levi, who is Charlotte’s half-brother, is currently in foster care.

And the user worries that Levi might become a ward of the state if no one steps in. However, the user’s wife, Kara, has a complicated history with her ex and may resist taking in Levi because of their messy divorce. Read the original story below.

‘ My (33m) wife (34f)’s ex just died. He left a kid who isn’t biologically either of ours, how do I talk to my wife about taking the kid in?’

So yeah, basically what it says on the tin. My wife, Kara, used to be married to a guy with which she has one kid, my stepdaughter Charlotte (9). I’ve always wanted to be a dad, but I’m unfortunately unable to have kids biologically, so I’ve been treating Charlotte like the my own daughter and showering her with love.

After Kara and her ex broke up, he had his son Levi (5) with another woman. Levi is not an affair baby, Kara’s ex didn’t even start seeing Levi’s mom until a year after he and Kara got divorced. Last week, Kara’s ex passed away in a car wreck.

From what I know, Levi’s mom won’t take him in and Kara’s ex has no close family who will take him in. Levi is currently staying in a foster home, and If no one steps up, Levi will become a ward of the state and enter our state’s god awful the foster system permanently.

The other thing is that Charlotte loves her little brother so much, and obviously she’s devastated about her dad. I think that staying connected with her brother will help Charlotte through the grief, and that staying with his sister will help Levi. The thing is, Kara absolutely loathes her ex.

Their split up was on pretty much the worst of terms, and their divorce was the messiest I’ve ever heard of. She once told me that if it wasn’t for Charlotte, she would have moved across the country and never thought about him again. I’m worried that she won’t want to take in Levi because of his connection to her ex.

I don’t know to talk to Kara about potentially stepping up to take Levi in, or if she might be gravely insulted if I brought this up. I know that Levi’s not technically mine or Kara’s problem, but he’s an innocent child and Charlotte’s little brother, and I would feel guilty if I didn’t even try to take him in.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

mmsbva −  Don’t ask if she wants to take her ex’s kid in. Ask if she wants to take her child’s brother. No matter how much she hates her ex, her child is 1/2 him. “I love Charlotte. She is my daughter. She is half you and half your ex. I cannot in good conscience know that her sibling is out there most probably living a horrible life. I would like to discuss increasing our family.”

Epickitty17 −  I would approach her from the standpoint of Charlotte not losing both a dad and brother. She just lost her dad, now she might lose her brother too? Heartbreaking.

fox112 −  I don’t know to talk to Kara about potentially stepping up to take Levi in, or if she might be gravely insulted if I brought this up. Well dude she is your wife. We’re just random strangers on the internet and this is a seriously large decision. I would recommend just talking to her about it and seeing how she feels. Are you even able to take the child?

violue −  Be careful. If your wife can’t agree to this enthusiastically, you might be setting Levi up for a life that has the potential to be just as damaging as the foster care system; being a child in a home where he is not wanted.

Assiqtaq −  I think you should just ask her. Say something like, “I feel bad for Levi. He’s Charlottes brother, and if no one does anything he could disappear into the system.

What would you think about trying to help him?” I don’t know how you’d start the conversation, but I would hope that she has also been thinking about it but didn’t want to bring it up for fear it might hurt your feelings.

neanderbeast −  You are a good person, you need to talk to her before it’s too late.

buddhatherock −  Big piece of missing info here – why won’t his Mom take him? I mean legally she has to… you need to expand on that please.

HoshiJones −  I don’t like a lot of the advice I’m seeing here, because most of it seems to be trying to guilt your wife into adopting that poor little boy.
I don’t think that’s ethical. I would just talk to her and see how she feels.

She already knows the kid is her daughter’s brother. Just see how she feels, if she doesn’t want to then you should let it go. It’s very sad for the kid, but it’s sad for all kids without families. She shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for not taking in this one.

[Reddit User] −  I would thread lightly with this. I’ve seen adults treat kids horrible because they’re not their biological parents. That’s me speaking coming from an a**sive step father.

Avandria −  I don’t have any actual experience with this, just a few exes who I would love to never hear from again. However, he is now dead and gone, and she doesn’t have to deal with him any longer. What she does have is a daughter. Absolutely horrible things happen in the foster system. Hell, reddit just educated me on a few new ones yesterday, and I will never be the same.

You need to get her to think about the future of this child. Not to mention how her daughter is going to grow up feeling about her if she loses her brother in addition to her father, and her own mother refused to help.

What would you do in this situation? Should the bond between siblings take precedence, even when the past is filled with emotional turmoil? Do you think it’s fair for Kara to be asked to take in Levi, given her complicated feelings about her ex? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/KJvJz