My(25M) fiance (25F) moved out for a little while because I stayed seated during an emergency. Advice ?

A 25-year-old man is seeking advice after an incident at a restaurant where he remained seated during an emergency involving an older lady who fainted. Despite having nursing experience, he didn’t intervene immediately, assuming others would help.

His fiancée was upset with him for not acting sooner, and she moved out temporarily, saying she’s unsure if she can stay with someone who wouldn’t act in an emergency. He’s looking for advice on whether this issue can be fixed and how to handle the situation.

‘ My(25M) fiance (25F) moved out for a little while because I stayed seated during an emergency. Advice?’

I went from a cna to a nurse last years. So I do have expirence for emergencies. My fiance and I were at a restaurant when an older lady arrived and sat behind us. The restaurant was quiet and I heard the lady complaining about feeling light headed. I ignored it as it really wasn’t my business but she kept complaining.

From what I could hear she hadn’t eaten all day.I then turned around and saw that while her table was eating, she still wasn’t eating anything. In my head, I’m assuming she has low blood sugar. My fiance tells me to go say something. I told her no as I was off the clock. I was joking.

The lady most likely just needed to drink some juice or eat. Before I could even laugh, this lady stands up and lowers herself to the ground and passes out. I should’ve checked on her but before I could move, multiple people started panicking and crowding her. I knew she was gonna need an ambulance. So I just kept eating.

My fiance was quiet during the whole thing. The resturant is now kinda in a panic. To keep this short, an ambulance and took her. Once we got to the car, she laid into me. Basically called me a list of things that means uncaring. I told her the lady will most likely be ok. That’s not good enough. I should’ve got up and took control.

I should’ve moved when i first thought something was wrong. She went to live with her parents while she decides if she wants to live with somebody who possibly won’t care to move in a emergency. I just need advice. Is this something that can be fixed? As a 3rd party, how would you feel if this happened. Is her feeling like this most likely to never change. What can I say to help her deal with this.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

WildlyUninteresting −  She lost respect for you and changed her opinion of your character. You don’t sound apologetic and it would be and seem false now. You let her decide if she wants a guy like you. You reflect on your decisions.

consequences274 −  She’s also probably wondering if she needs help, are you gonna do the same thing to her? sit on your ass and do nothing

Sea-Still5427 −  What can I say to help her deal with this. You phrase this as though it’s her problem, not about something you did. I’d be concerned too if I was her. You clearly realised the woman needed help BEFORE she collapsed, and as a medical professional, you’d normally step in to offer first aid till the ambulance arrives. 

Not doing that, plus what you said and the fact you actually kept eating, looks like the empathy that presumably took you into the profession has got lost. Maybe you’re burned out and need a break from nursing.

ETA: I do wonder if this is going to turn out to be one of those troll fake stories with genders reversed to ‘prove’ some kind of misogynistic point about how hard men have it these days, but empathy and care for others are so key to nursing that it wouldn’t make much difference. If anything, I think people would be even harder on a female nurse.

Reasonable-Let-8405 −  ”  I knew she was gonna need an ambulance. So I just kept eating.” Wooow you’re such a badass. So cool.  You know what’s much more cool, though? All the other people that immediately took care of this poor woman. You s**k.  

Strict-Sun387 −  You picked the wrong profession. Lack of empathy is sad in the average person; It’s frightening in a nurse. You’ve lost her respect and rightly so.

s1s2g3a4 −  Old nurse here. I get what you’re saying and understand why you chose not to intervene- all very logical and reasonable. BUT she wants to know that you will jump in and that you can be counted on. Your attention to the other diner would have made her see you as reliable. If you want to repair this situation then you should try to see it from her POV.

AardvarkDisastrous70 −  I think not helping her when she was just complaining at the table was fine. Intruding on people and showing that your eavesdropping is a little rude. However, when there was a medical emergency, you could have stepped in and reduced panic, but you chose to eat. Why are you even in the medical field. Would you tell this story to your employer?

Helpful_Librarian_87 −  You just sat there and ate, while s**t went down right behind you, without a care in the world. Your ex-girlfriend saw a part of you she didn’t like, got the ick and is now done. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I hope you are more attentive & caring while you are on the clock. But then again, you could just be making s**t up for funsies.

jhatesu −  Cross post this to the nursing subreddit. You shouldn’t be asking non-healthcare people, you’ll get better informed answers over there (that may very well match these responses). I can tell you I’m a nurse and I’ve always intervened—but I have mixed feelings.

tamafrombama −  She lost respect for you. You must behave like you are helpful and caring, and then she saw a different side.