UPDATE: Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months

A man shared an emotional update after discovering his best friend had been secretly dating his ex. Facing betrayal and sudden eviction, he found strength in supportive friends and took steps toward independence. Read the heartfelt journey below.

‘ UPDATE: Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months’

I kind of debated if I’d post an update on this or not. It’s been a few weeks and some stuff has happened, but as the post blew up I got a good number of really s**tty comments that informed me I was a worthless piece of s**t, that I should beat up my ex girlfriend, or alternately that I was probably already some kind of horrible abuser who hated her and wanted to control her body.

I also got a ton of love, support, PMs offering connections on housing, and more, but being I was already in a dark and desperate place, those other comments really twisted the knife. I had to spend some time away not just fixing my s**t but also avoiding that stuff, because it was really not making me want to move forward.

For anyone who’s reading this while in the middle of a situation, wondering if you should post your story, my advice is: don’t. Wait till you have some distance, or it’s just going to make things worse.

One thing I want to clarify here, since a few people swung for the fences based on what I posted: I don’t hate Cassie. I don’t think she shouldn’t move on. I don’t blame her for dating someone else after I broke up with her. I do have a lot of anger still thinking about this. All that anger is at Ryan. That’s it.

Ryan is the one who lied to me and went behind my back, not Cassie. My post pretty clearly stated that I think Cassie is an awesome human being. Still think so. Period. We just wanted different things.. So, actual updates.

Shortly after I posted, Ryan texted me to say that he’d planned to give me a month to find somewhere else to live, but since I “couldn’t be happy for them” he wanted me out by Friday. Looking back on it, I kinda think this was his plan all along. Cassie’s parents own the apartment I lived in with her, so we paid bills on it but no rent.

Ryan’s apartment was expensive and his parents still paid some of his bills there, so I suspect he was looking for an excuse to break his lease and get in on that free rent instead.

But **I have a place to live now**. Reddit helped me out after all, in a weird way. A couple days after I posted, this guy TJ hit me up on FB (hey TJ) with the link to my post asking if it was me. TJ and I weren’t close friends before all this, but he recognized some of the details.

Skipping some back and forth, it turns out Ryan lied to all our mutual friends about the situation. Apparently he hooked up with Cassie the first time about a week after we split up. He asked some of our friends what to do and they all told him to make sure I was cool first thing. He then told them he had talked to me and that I was happy for him.

So, when I started freaking out a couple months later, my friends all thought I was “going crazy out of nowhere” over something I’d known about for months. Once they found out what really happened, I got a lot of apology texts. Some of them I’ve accepted. Some are still on read. A couple of guys offered me crash space or help moving, and I wound up staying with TJ, but only till I could find somewhere else.

My days of living in places without my name on a lease are over. Learned my lesson there. I found a roommate looking for a place through Craigslist and we signed the lease last week. Moving from TJ’s happens this weekend.

Ryan is blocked out of my life. I probably forgot some of my stuff at either his place or Cassie’s, but it’s whatever. I can get new stuff. I can get new friends. More than anything else this situation made me realize the importance of having stable, independent housing and not counting on anyone else to do the right thing by me. I have to have my own back in life, not rely on others.

That’s about all I’ve got. It’s nothing dramatic, I guess. No one was hit by a car, got pregnant, or turned out to be cheating. But I’ve never been so glad to have a roof over my head and a bed to come back to. I’m going to keep going from here, keep working on life, and I’m sure as hell going to be taking a break on the dating front. That’s all there is to do.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

i_love_scrabble −  Props to TJ for being a such a bro. Also, good luck with your future endeavours and I hope you make some amazing friends in the future.

WeimSean −  Stuff like this teaches you who your real friends are. Sorry you went through it, but we all experience some version of this (that doesn’t make it s**k less) I think it’s kind of the process of sifting your friends from your acquaintances. Good move getting your name on the lease, good luck though I don’t think you need it

Most_Goat −  Jesus, Ryan’s a little b**ch. Good on TJ for being awesome, and best of luck to you. Edit: look, I’m not blaming the ex. She’s free to do what she wants, hence “ex”. Die mad about it, I guess.

[Reddit User] −  Ryan’s a D**K. Glad to hear you’re ok and in a stable situation now.

Purple-Tumbleweed −  This is actually a dramatic change, whether you realize it, or not. To be as young as you are, you’ve realized the value and importance of making your own security. It took me until my 40’s to see that. (bad marriage, financial abuse, etc) So, for you to understand that now, is monumental.

As far as the psychos, there are always people looking to troll and kick you when you’re down. It’s just more prevalent in an anonymous community. The fact that an acquaintance recognized your story and reached out to you, should still give you some hope for humanity, and that there are more good people than bad. I’m so glad you got everything worked out and I hope you are happy.

buckboy99 −  Wooah I was in a similar situation.. you’re very level headed ahout this.. just don’t reach out to them!

objectionn_ −  You might not hate Cassie for this, but I sure as hell do. She is just as much to blame here as Ryan. Who breaks up with their boyfriend then starts dating his best friend in the span of one week? That’s disgusting. And it’s really weird to be mad at one and not the other. They did the same s**t. How can you hate Ryan for it and call Cassie an amazing person

lenarachel626 −  I’m glad you are in a better place! I will say though, you are being too gracious to Cassie. She is not that great of a person if she slept with your supposed best friend a week after you guys broke up. Someone who respected you and just wanted different things would not do that. If you have not already, go NC/block her as well.

_daylaylay_16 −  F**k Ryan, I don’t think he really cares for your ex the way you did because it sounds like he just banged her to get free housing. That’s it. Although, it’s great you ended a relationship because of different wants. She realized parenthood isn’t for her. Not everyone is meant to be parents, sometimes just living your own life and not for others is all that matters. Maybe you’ll find someone who wants what you want. Glad everything worked out for you. Good luck.

[Reddit User] −  This Ryan cunt sounds like he has some bad karma en route.

Navigating betrayal can be a harsh life lesson, but it often sparks personal growth. What advice or words of encouragement would you share with someone rebuilding their life? Share your thoughts below!