I (36M) think my wife of 8 years (31F) is having an affair with our couples therapist (42M)

A Redditor shared suspicions about his wife having an affair with their couples therapist. After noticing changes in their sessions and discovering his wife visiting the therapist’s office late at night under suspicious circumstances, he’s considering confronting both of them in their next session. Read the original story below to see how this dilemma unfolds.

‘ I (36M) think my wife of 8 years (31F) is having an affair with our couples therapist (42M)’

So my wife and I have been having some communication issues for about a year or so and started to see a marriage counselor about 7 months ago. At first it’s good and we start communicating better. About three months ago she starts going to extra sessions for “self care”. Alone.

Around this time our couples sessions that happen with all three of us together (about three months ago) become much more one sided with me being the “bad guy” and the two of them kind of teaming up on me.

She starts telling her friends about “Danny” and how great he is for her “self care” but if her friends seem interested in making an appointment she says “he only does couples” or “he’s not taking new clients”which I think is weird because we have normally referred to him as “Dr. Soandso” and now he is suddenly “Danny”. (I don’t know if he is actually not taking new clients.)

Around the time they started teaming up on me in the sessions (about three months ago) was around the last time my wife and I were intimate.
There have been a couple of other weird coincidences that I thought were puzzling, but three nights ago my wife said she had an emergency with her sister and had to go see her right away.

She went to the bathroom and showered and put on perfume and left. It was about 9;30 at night and that seemed REALLY odd to me. About a half hour later I tracked her iPhone and the location showed up as his office.

When she came home 3 hours later, I asked how her sister was and she kind of gave a weird “oh you know Jenny, d**ma queen” kind of answer.
I think I’m going to confront them in the session this Thursday.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

yahnawbru −  [EDIT] I’m not here to “stick it” to the wife or lover, if my post conveyed that and you took it to be a reasonable attitude it is not. [EDIT]. Do not confront them. Do not let them know you suspect anything.

Consider the advice from u/der_takin_ma_ and follow that logic; your therapist is not going to lose their job for you if they can help it. Consider all the awful places this could go and your only proof seems to be a hunch.

It’s their word against yours, and they’re already risking their career if they’re having an affair. Report your therapist, hire a private investigator, and protect yourself by taking note of any strange occurrences and putting away a savings your wife can’t access.. Do this now.

[EDIT] OP seems to have taken the self-destructive path, so I will now update this comment with good suggestions from other users. u/mister_brain – It’s much more effective if his lawyer hires the P.I. or reports the therapist. u/FluffyFunnyCat – It’s only hiding assets if he doesn’t disclose them during divorce proceedings.

You’re allowed to have your own accounts, you’re just not allowed to lie about them in court. She still may be entitled to half, depending on where they live and other variables. Now if he started spending it on frivolous things or giving the money away to drain their accounts out of spite or malice, then yea she could definitely sue him for her share.

– [This was in response to a query as to the legality of putting aside some money. Also brought up by u/GBAPSDANN and u/Shirobon-] u/YourTherapistSays – Only that she lied about a session – not objective in the sense that they’re having an affair.

We obviously don’t have all the facts here – were individual sessions offered to OP as well? Is it possible OP is a**sive and therapist is working with the spouse to create a safety plan for leaving? A stretch given the provided info but also not uncommon. We just don’t know.

It’s important to remember there are three sides to every story: my side, your side, and the truth. – [Response to a claim the late night session was proof positive. There are so damn many variables in life, this is a healthy attitude to adopt in general.]

PM_ME_UR_NETFLIX_REC −  Get some hard proof (like private eye type proof) before you confront them. You can sue him for serious malpractice and he will lose his license. That s**t is not remotely ethical.

Throwawayhusbandadvi −  She has a second Facebook. I did a “forgot password” jailbreak through her second email account. There are some pretty filthy private messages from some guy’s account (I’m assuming his but with a made up name) that coordinate with her solo sessions. I feel sick to my stomach.

They are very descriptive messages about different acts. The first message from almost two months ago is “come over and taste it again” with her response being “give me twenty minutes”

I CANT BELIEVE IVE BEEN KISSING THAT MOUTH. Im pretty sure it’s him. I want to go wake her up and get this over with but might sit a think about it a while. I might delete this reddit profile. Thanks everyone.

yellowromancandle −  Hire a PI to follow your wife. Feels creepy, but please don’t ignore your intuition, it’s there for a reason. After the PI brings back whatever he/she has found, go to a lawyer. Follow the lawyer’s advice.

Open a second bank account to which your wife does not have access, and start moving your money into it. Don’t confront your wife OR the therapist until you have done all of these things. If it turns out to be nothing, nbd. If your gut is right, you have your ass covered.

[Reddit User] −  Report him to the board in your state he will get barred from practicing, assuming hes a licensed MFT. This s**t is so wrong from a medical standpoint

Throwawayhusbandadvi −  I have a suspicion that she created a second Facebook account to communicate with him as she suddenly has a second yahoo email. She is getting ready for bed and I am going to see if I can open her new email and find out about the second Facebook tonight.

I came home the other day and she was in her bra and panties in our bedroom (not the oddest thing in the world) but I think she was sending him pictures through Facebook. There have been a couple of other odd little things but up until the other day I thought I was being paranoid, so I wrote them off as such.

She tends to “go work out” after her solo sessions and most always returns home from the gym freshly showered. Again, not so weird on its own, but everything together has me pretty convinced.

icky-chu −  Crazy question: is this therapist billing you and your insurance for the self care sessions? If you can prove they are having an affair isn’t this then insurance fraud?

Throwawayhusbandadvi −  Fucker just messaged the Facebook “I see you’re online, miss the thickness?” Holy Christ it’s taking all my willpower not to reply. I just really want to find out if it’s “Danny” or some other f**king guy. I mean, she’s going to know the password was changed, and I’m pretty drunk and almost euphoric that this is going to be behind me.

LumberghLSU −  If you tracked her to his office at 9:30pm, that seems like case closed to me

Throwawayhusbandadvi −  Update: Told my wife I’m getting called out of town until Monday due to the proposal I’m working on with a client. Set up three cams in my house with one in the bedroom. I’m staying with my brother through Monday night. I’m a rollercoaster but I thought this was the best way to maybe get evidence at this point.

How would you approach such a sensitive confrontation, especially when trust is already fragile? Should the Redditor confront them directly or gather more evidence first? Share your thoughts and advice below!