My (24F) boyfriend (24) said that I’m not allowed to criticise slavery because I’m white-passing. He said that I would’ve lived a “comfortable life” under slavery. We argued and now he’s giving me the silent treatment.
A Redditor shared a deeply troubling situation with her boyfriend of four years. During a conversation about slavery and racism, he dismissed her comments due to her “white-passing” appearance, claiming she would have lived a “comfortable life” under slavery.
Their argument escalated, leading to tension and silent treatment, leaving her questioning how to move forward. Read the original story below to explore this complex relationship conflict.
‘ My (24F) boyfriend (24) said that I’m not allowed to criticise slavery because I’m white-passing. He said that I would’ve lived a “comfortable life” under slavery. We argued and now he’s giving me the silent treatment.’
We’ve been in a relationship for four years and live together. For both of us it’s the first serious relationship and although it hasn’t always been easy, we’ve never had any significant problems. We are on the same page on most topics (racism, politics, finances etc) or so I thought at least.
Now with all these issues going on we’ve been talking about race a bit more than usual. For the record, I’m biracial but I have what most consider “Eurocentric” features so a lot of times people can’t really tell where I’m from. Fast forward to a few days ago. We were watching *12 Years A Slave* and I made some comments about how horrible slavery was.
That’s when he dropped the bomb that I actually shouldn’t criticise slavery at all since I look white enough that I would’ve benefited from the system. (Honestly it felt like he wanted to say that for a long time). I asked him wtf he meant by that and he said me complaining about racism belittles the experience of black people.
I told him that I wouldn’t have benefitted from slavery at all since I’m literally 50% black despite my looks. He said that even if I didn’t directly benefit, I would’ve lived a “comfortable” life in that era. I asked how and he said slaveowners kept mixed women as mistresses so I would’ve spent most of my time being treated well and “popping out white babies”.
He made it sound like it was a complete luxury. At this point I was so appalled that I called him an ignorant i**ot and we started arguing. He said that I’m just an “exotic looking white girl” who’s trying to feel oppressed and that I’m just as privileged as him. I told him that he really has no idea what he’s talking about and then he started ignoring me.
We haven’t spoken for a few days (although he tried to initiate s** a few times and seems to be warming up to me again) and I really don’t know what to do. He’s never said something so ridiculous. I’m just so angry at his stupid comments and immaturity.
Check out how the community responded:
[Reddit User] − Well, he’s wrong. All people should criticize slavery.
Throwaway1262020 − Shouldn’t white people also feel that slavery was horrible?
chompable − Mistress of a slave owner?? You mean being r*ped and the children being trafficked?? Also telling that he thinks that would have been a “comfortable life”. Honestly disgusting and even worse that he tried to initiate s** without talking to you or apologizing. Get rid of him.
[Reddit User] − I’m (26m) white and my girlfriend (24f) is biracial like OP. I can’t even imagine saying that to her. I can’t imagine saying that to anyone. You know who really would have been the best off in the American South Slave regime? Him and me. So maybe we shouldn’t make an ass out ourselves trying to police the topic.
Snoo_42562 − This is seriously pissing me off but I think what really has my blood boiling is the fact that he’s wanting to have s** but not talking to OP about the issue first. Like what the actual f**k?
[Reddit User] − Uhm – I’m 49F white-passing Black woman – been where you are – break up with this r**ist POS today. NO ONE gets to define Blackness for you. NO ONE gets to tell you that your skin color qualifies or disqualifies you from Blackness.
You know he tells people about your parentage in an attempt to make himself seem woke, right? If your grandmothers and grandfathers made the Middle Passage, this cracker BF of yours doesn’t get to deny you their legacy. Be strong girl. Find yourself a better man.
M3swin − Don’t just be angry at his comments, be angry at the whole man. “Comfortably Pooping up babies white babies” like you wouldn’t have to be r*ped for that to happen. WTF!! I’m also white passing,
my mom is black and my father is white, and in one of the first times my mom talked about slavery in front of me my father had that same dumb response to my mom, because se is also mixed, but she is socially perceived as black (because of skin color). He said something like; “You would be inside of the house taking care of white babes”, this p**s me off to this day
yukon-cornelius69 − Is this a joke?
[Reddit User] − yo, i would drop this dude for even saying that being constantly raped and living with no autonomy as your children are separated from you and maybe outright sold as property is “luxurious”. that’s some misogynistic and extremely fucked up s**t. like,
if that’s his idea for a good life for a woman… how does he expect you to live YOUR life if you move in together and get married? and that’s without even touching the messed up r**ist s**t. seems like this dude has probably been hiding some very……. interesting political opinions. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.
edit: also oh my god. he’s not talking to you but he tried to INITIATE S**??? while he was still having a temper tantrum and refusing to talk to you???? he doesn’t want to have a CONVERSATION, but he DOES want to have S**?????? ohhhhh my god. throw eggs at this boy
[Reddit User] − This is disgusting. Anyone who had any non white ancestry was enslaved or at the very least discriminated against. And slave owners didn’t have ‘mistresses’ amongst the humans they enslaved. They were s** slaves. Your boyfriend is an ass
Should the Redditor address the deeper implications of her boyfriend’s comments and lack of understanding, or is this a sign of incompatible values? How would you handle such a fundamental disagreement about identity and history with a partner? Share your thoughts and advice below!