AITA for Coming Home Late 3 Times a Week?

A Reddit user (M) shares a dilemma about balancing his family’s needs and pursuing a business opportunity. With two young kids (3.5 and 1.5), his wife stays home full-time, while he manages a demanding job and works extra hours three evenings a week to build a business. Despite an agreed-upon schedule that gives his wife dedicated time for herself, she now feels the arrangement is unfair and wants him home earlier each day. He wonders if he’s being unreasonable or if her expectations are too high. Read his story below.

‘ AITA for Coming Home Late 3 Times a Week?’

I’m married with two kids, ages 3.5 and 1.5. I have a demanding full-time job, and my wife is a full-time mom, which was her choice. We’ve mostly aligned ourselves with traditional roles—me as the breadwinner and her managing the kids and the home.

Recently, I had an opportunity to start a business that could improve our future, especially since we live in a high-cost-of-living area. We agreed that I would spend a few extra hours at the office three days a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) to work on getting the business up and running.

To balance this, I’ve committed Tuesdays and Thursdays evenings to taking care of the kids while my wife gets time for herself—doing yoga or meeting her friends or just rest and do nothing. On Saturdays, she also gets the full day to herself while I take the kids out, and Sundays are for me to focus on the business. This was the arrangement we both agreed to, and it worked well for a while.

However, my wife has recently expressed dissatisfaction with this setup. She feels it’s unfair that I get “more time to myself” and wants me to come home every day by 5 or 6 p.m. to help with the kids.

I understand that her current role is more than a full-time job, and I deeply appreciate everything she does. But I also feel that I’m working overtime on that business—not just for myself, but for our family’s future, which she doesn’t seem to take seriously and count it as “time for myself”.

Business aside, I generally feel like this is an unreasonable expectation, given that I also come home exhausted and need some time to rest. While this may not seem fair for her in the short term, I think this tough period for her is primarily during the early years of our kids’ childhood.

Once the kids start school 2 years from now, she’ll have six hours a day to herself for the next 10-20 years. Meanwhile, I’ll still be grinding at work until retirement, but I can’t complain because she will have earned that rest. I think that’s fair enough in the long run.. So, AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

LowBalance4404 −  NAH because you aren’t out three nights a week playing fantasy football while she’s stuck home with the little kids. As a side note: are you sure you are allowed to use your current company’s resources to start up a secondary business? That’s a firing offense at many companies.

Secret_University120 −  Info: do you need the extra money from your side hustle or do you just want it? Are y’all struggling to pay bills right now? Is your side business making any money yet? If the answer to all of those questions are no, then I’m leaning towards YTA. You’re spending all day working but you aren’t spending all day with kids – that’s a different type of exhausting, which I’m sure you know because you do actually spend time with your kids. If yall aren’t struggling right now, then you’re doing the side business because you want to, not because you have to.

In the same way that you think she should tough it out until the kids are in school, why can’t your second business wait until then? You’d both have more time for this. And you wouldn’t be leaving your wife alone with the kids for an extra 9hrs every week.

GullibleWealth750 −  NAH. Okay, look. As a full time mom (who now works outside the house full time and has teens) my husband got stuck in this habit early on in our kids lives. It was always a side job, or a second job, or a weekend project. And it was always to better our lives. On one hand, it did. But there is always a cost.

Our kids are now 13-19 and he is STILL doing it. Its Christmas eve and do you know where he is? Downstairs putting in a suite for our kid who is going to live here while in university (uni town, super expensive housing).

Not only that, but extra time away for him (even if he is working) is extra time where I am the only parent on duty. Im not even 40 yet and while it has improved things for our kids, I feel it has truly damaged my health AND his. Do you know what 20 years of working a labour job, only to leave and go to another labour job will do to your body? Ive been, largely, the only parent on duty for nearly 20 years.

School events, making lunches, reading bedtime stories, homework, teaching kids to do their own laundry & drive, all of the behavioural issues at school, and emotional friend problems that come with preteens. All me. All on top of trying to maintain my own working life and a relationship. He did it out of love, but it still has consequences.

Healthy_Brain5354 −  You are not “helping with the kids” you are parenting. These are your kids.

passwordistaco47 −  I am someone who will always value family time over money. Always. Instead of posting to see what strangers think of your one-sided situation, talk it out with your wife. She’s the only opinion that matters.

olive_us_here −  Omigosh, when do you two spend time together and/or time as a family together? I get you come home at normal time 2 days a week and you help her in the evenings, but I’m sure that’s just a few short hours before bedtime. Saturdays gets the day to herself and you take the kids, while Sunday you spend the day working? Where’s the quality time??

I understand it’s a busy season in your lives, but if neither of you are making time for each other or as a family there is a major disconnect and you’re both allowing resentment to take a foothold which will only grow bigger unless addressed and squashed!

Ok-Flaming −  Is there a rush to establish this business right now, in arguably the most demanding time for raising kids? If not, you may be putting unnecessary strain on the whole family system with the timing. Plus missing time with your kids at important ages. So I guess YTA for that?

Maybe put a pin in it until the first one goes to school and have another conversation about it then. Not being outnumbered all day may be all she needs. If not, wait until they’re both in school. Your wife could perhaps even help with some of the business stuff while the kids are away.

elsie78 −  When you take the kids out on Saturday so she can have alone time, how long are you gone? Is this the time she has for cleaning, laundry, dishes, meal planning etc or is it really her time to chill, relax, spend on hobbies etc?

hadMcDofordinner −  You wrote: Once the kids start school 2 years from now, she’ll have six hours a day to herself for the next 10-20 years. OK. So you basically think that when the children leave the house in the morning, that your wife is going to just have fun, relax and enjoy her “free time?. LOL

That said, look she was fine with the schedule for a while. She’d like to modify it now. How hard is that to do for her? Instead of staying late wherever you stay late on Friday nights, come home. You will still have loads of time for your side business and she will be glad to have you at home more.

YTA Her request is not all that hard to understand and a little bit of give on your part is not going to end your dream of a second business. Also, tell her you think she’s going to have “free” days as soon as the kids are in school and see what she says. LOL

holyyyyshit −  NAH. ..yet. Something that worked in the past no longer works for your wife. You need to sit down together and come up with a new plan that works.