AITA for making a financial decision my partner didn’t agree with?

A Reddit user (28F) shares a financial decision she made that’s causing tension with her partner (33M). After daycare costs for their three kids became too high, she suggested cutting care for the older two, then fully pulling their youngest out when her MIL offered to help. While these changes saved the family money and allowed them to redirect funds to essentials and fun activities, her partner feels it has disrupted his ability to unwind after work. Was she wrong to make this decision? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for making a financial decision my partner didn’t agree with?’

Am I the arsehole? I (28F) started a full-time 9–5 job four months ago, and my partner (33M) works 6 AM–2 PM. We have three kids: F9, F6, and M5. Daycare was costing us $400 a week—M5 was in full-time care, and the older two were in before-and-after-school care. About two months ago, I suggested cutting daycare for the older two to save money. After that, the cost dropped to $250 a week. I offered to handle morning drop-offs, and my partner would do afternoon pick-ups since we both work close to the kids’ school.

A month later, my MIL (53) moved in after losing her housing. She offered to look after M5 to help us save on daycare costs, and once she was settled, we decided to pull him out of care entirely. She’s been watching him until he starts school next year and helps out around the house, which has been a huge relief.

My partner wasn’t happy about these changes. Daycare gave him time to unwind after work, and I know his job is high-stress—he’s second-in-charge at his workplace and carries a lot of responsibility. But even at $250 a week, I felt the cost wasn’t worth it when we had other options.

Now, the money we’re saving goes towards groceries and weekend activities with the kids, which has made a big difference financially. Still, my partner has been frustrated with the change. I know this hasn’t been easy for him, and I do feel a bit guilty for pushing the decision. But at the same time, I feel like I’m just trying to do what’s best for our family. So, AITA for cutting daycare and asking him to adjust, or should I have compromised more?.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Ranoutofoptions7 −  NTA. I’m sorry but $250 a week is way too high a cost to unwind after work when you have 3 kids. That money could absolutely be better spent elsewhere. Maybe try and find another way to help him unwind to show that you care but just were looking out for the family.

Old-Arachnid1907 −  Does OP ever get time to unwind? Is being cared for one on one by a dedicated and loving family member better for the child than a daycare? Everyone is talking about OP’s poor husband’s needs without seeing that he’s the one being selfish in this situation. He’s a father, so he has two jobs, and unfortunately adults don’t always get time to unwind. Look at the mental load that OP already had to take on when getting her new job.

SHE was the one that had to figure out the logistics of the childcare situation for all the children. Did her husband ever help or weigh in during that time, or did he just react when he realized he could no longer sit on his phone mindlessly scrolling for several hours while his youngest was at daycare?

He knew those decisions had to be made but let that mental burden fall on his wife. Sounds like all the burden of childcare may also fall on her shoulders, or fobbed off on his mother. He’s probably reached his level of incompetence as second in command at his job too, because a real leader steps up.. OP is NTA.

cassowary32 −  NTA. I don’t understand people that behave like being around their own children is a huge imposition. “Oh no, I have to be around the kids I created!”. Your MIL is in the house too. Hopefully she can help with watching all the kids while your partner unwinds after work. Or will he want her exiled from the home as well? Congrats on having a MIL that isn’t a nightmare to live with, you might have won the Reddit lottery.

Maleficent-Ear3571 −  NTA. You went from spending $400 a week to $0. That’s $1600 a month in savings. You can save half and still have money to buy him a beer every now and then or a PS5. You guys have 3 children under 5. There’s no peace to be had for the next 18 years. Hubby needs to remember why he wanted all those kids and lean into being a Dad.

Didntlikedefaultname −  Info: how’d the decision actually get made? Like did you overrule his objection or something? It sounds like his mom is living with you full time and replacing daycare, can she not allow him time to relax after work just like daycare did? I feel like some significant info is missing.

Bobd1964 −  NTA. Your husband can unwind in many ways but it might need to change from how he did it before. Life is all about change and sitting to it.

TyrionsRedCoat −  NTA. You have a live-in babysitter. How much more relaxing can his afternoon be?

Asshole1996 −  NAH. It sounds like you both have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. Saving $400 a week is a huge win for your family, and with your MIL helping, it makes sense to cut daycare. But I can also see why your partner might struggle with losing his downtime after a stressful job. It’s tough to adjust routines, especially when both of you are working hard. Out of curiosity, what do you guys do on weekends? Are you always together? Do you both go out with friends?

kristenmwi −  Sorry, this dude doesn’t want to be a dad. He only wants to be around his kids when you are there so he doesn’t really have to handle them. Please don’t have any more kids with him.. NTA.

needsomesun −  NTA. What working parent has time to unwind right after work?! You parent, then get some alone time when the kids go to bed. Life is crazy when they’re all young. It gets easier as they get bigger and more independent. But your husband is stressed now so there are compromises to be made that don’t include spending money on daycare. Trade bed time duties each night so you each get alone time.

Or each pick an hour of the evening where the other occupies the kids so each of you can rest. Or each pick a night to go out with friends while the other stays with the kids. Or get a babysitter (or grandma) one night a week. You both deserve time to unwind, not just your husband. Find what works for both of you.