Update: My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?

A man (39M) finally reconnects with his ex-fiancée (38F) after 16 years of silence following her ghosting him before their wedding. Their emotional meeting reveals her struggles with mental health, family pressure, and a history of hardship, leading to mutual closure. They part ways with no intent of rekindling their relationship, each finally free to move forward. Read the full story below.

‘ Update: My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?’

Well, that was something. I got closure at least. We met at a cafe and sat and talked outside. The first thing I noticed was how badly scarred her arms were and how much pain was in her face. Long story short she wanted to break up long before the wedding, she was too weak and cowardly to speak up for herself.

She had a complete nervous breakdown over everything. She had been tired of being forced into doing things she never wanted to do and never having the guts to stand up for herself. She was mad at her family pressuring her to get married and pump out kids, she was mad at them forcing her into a degree that she didn’t want, she was mad herself for not being able to speak up. Nothing she did was justified which we agreed on.

When I first proposed to her I did it in a public area. I had put her on the spot and she wanted to say no but, she couldn’t bare to see me hurt. She was right. I made all the choices for her. I was a very different person back then and she was very “meek” as in she just went with the flow and had no backbone. I drowned her voice out often and often never gave her the chance to grow to be a person. Back then I was often focused only on myself.

Well, everything came to a climax and she had a complete mental breakdown. She ran way from her problems at the beheast of her best Friend and only person in the world she ever trusted. As she said it’s the only thing she knows how to do: run. She never had the spine to speak up.

Her life just spiraled downwards. She did a few years homeless after her bestfriends husband kicked her to the curb. The rest of that time was spent in Prison, which she didn’t specify what she did. She was released about a year ago and has been turning her life around. She has a job, she’s reconnected with her parents and she’s finally reconnecting with me. She never stopped trying to get in touch with me.

As for our future. We have none. We both agreed to end things and go our separate ways. We both are changed, two different people. We have nothing in common and don’t live near each other. She doesn’t justify what she did nor does she want to be forgiven. She thinks its repulsive and is ashamed of her actions. I wanted to be angry but, i couldn’t. I just forgave her. With that we shook hands said our goodbyes and that will likely be the last time we ever see one another.

It’s bittersweet. I got the closure I wanted. We both did. It feels like a burden was released. I know now we never had a future together and never will. But, on the other I’m sad because it’s over. All these years maybe hoping something would happen were for naught. But, in the end this is an ending and I finally have closure. Not many get to say that.

Do I believe her story? Yes, I do and even if she’s full of s**t at this point does it even matter? I’ve always known her to be very weak willed, meek. She often just does what everyone tells her to do and often runs when things get too difficult. She avoids her problems because was too weak to stand up to them.

I mean it makes sense why her family would not talk to me about her. They were the typical tiger parents that disowned their problem child.. —. tl;dr Alls well that ends well. Our relation has finally come to an end and we can move on.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

[Reddit User] −  Well that went better than I expected. I’m glad it’s definitively over now for you both.

StrawberryLetter22 −  This was way too mature of an update for this sub.

Murka-Lurka −  Thank you for your update. Without wanting to sound patronising I can see you have identified where your own behaviour contributed to the situation and I hope this is helpful to you in the future.

[Reddit User] −  Am I the only one who is appalled you met up with basically a stranger at this point when we are in a PANDEMIC?! And you shook her hand?! Come on man. Seriously why do people keep thinking they’re the exception to the rule? STAY HOME. Have your closure over the phone.

Florida2000 −  Nothing like yours but I got a call 20 years later and an apology from my 1st long term GF who cheated on me, although it didnt matter it still felt nice to know she regretted her actions. If the closure never came it would have been fine too but I’m sure it was still settling to hear her admit and close that chapter of pain forever.

ManyPlacesAtOnce −  She never stopped trying to get in touch with me. Wait, what? Yeah she did. She could have contacted you at any time in the last 16 years.

[Reddit User] −  Ugh I really wanted to believe this story but WHERE do you live where there’s a cafe open right now?

HaratoBarato −  More information included in these paragraphs than the ending of La La Land.

Redd_81 −  Thank you for sharing your creative writing with us.

Speak4yurself −  Sorry but it’s really off putting how many times you have called her weak in this post. It took a lot of guts to do what she did and you just brush it off. She wanted nothing from you and had nothing to gain whatsoever. But she felt like she owed you something and decided it was time to pay up. You admit to being controlling and then blame her for being weak. It sounds like she has not had the best life but may have made the right choice.

Closure can be a powerful but bittersweet moment, especially when it comes years later. Have you ever had a similar experience where revisiting the past brought unexpected clarity? Share your thoughts below!