[UPDATE] I (30F) found out my husband (32M) hired my friend (26F) to strip at his bachelor party

After confronting both her husband and her friend Rebecca about the events at her husband’s bachelor party, a woman discovers two conflicting stories. Rebecca claims the husband got drunk, groped her, and became aggressive when she refused his advances.

The husband denies this, alleging Rebecca initiated intimacy and performed oral sex while he was blackout drunk. Feeling torn and betrayed, the woman is staying with her parents, overwhelmed by the conflicting narratives and unsure who to believe or how to move forward.

‘ [UPDATE] I (30F) found out my husband (32M) hired my friend (26F) to strip at his bachelor party’

I confronted them both, separately, they both gave two very different stories Rebecca says that my husband got drunk, groped her and when she refused he pushed her and started to yell at her, apparently my husband and his friends believe I shouldn’t be friends with her because she “lead them on”.

My husband says that they didn’t sleep together **but** Rebecca tried to initiate and performed or*l while he was black out drunk. I’m staying with my parents because I don’t know who to believe here or if I should I should even believe either of them, all I’ve done is argue with my husband since the confession.

I’m left more confused than ever and honestly, I just want to say f the both of them, but if my husbands story is true then he’s totally innocent, but what if Rebecca is telling the truth? What if neither of them are. I’m sick of them both, I haven’t stopped crying since arriving at my mothers to be honest and I don’t think I can.

Why would he hide this for 4 years? Why would she?! If they both believe they’re fully innocent/victims here? My husband *is* a mean drunk, but he’s always so soft spoken and I don’t know if he can do those things Rebecca claimed, but I don’t know how he reacts around his friends, but I’ve known him longer than Rebecca too?

But I’m all for believing women, I feel like by agreeing with my husband I’m denying Rebeccas story/side.

See what others had to share with OP:

Herdnerfer −  but if my husbands story is true then he’s totally innocent I’d think hiring a stripper you know personally for your bachelor party makes him far from innocent no matter what events transpired. Plus who hires their own strippers? Thats the best mans job.

pufferpoisson −  ~~If he’s innocent he would have told you about this a long time ago.~~ **Hiring her in the first place is not innocent.** I don’t know who I would believe either, but either way he is in the wrong for ~~keeping this a secret.~~ hiring her behind your back.

Editing for clarity since I’m being accused of victim blaming. Being assaulted doesn’t make it ok that he hired her in the first place. Op should drop both these people.

normanbeets −  Former stripper here. There’s absolutely no way that a dancer would waste their work time sucking someone’s’s flaccid penis while they were blacked out. None. She went to go to work, not commit s**ual a**ault. My feeling says there was a type of s** but both of them are lying to you about it. I’d drop all of these people.

CuckyMcCuckerCuck −  You previously described your husband as “controlling”; now he’s a “mean drunk” as well. Combined with the deeply pathological, narcissistic behavior behind him hiring Rebecca in the first place it’d be in your best interests to divorce your husband as soon as possible.

DinoNuggetses −  1) if he was a good husband he would not have hired your friend to strip at his bachelor party. 2) if she was a good friend she would not have stripped at your future husband’s bachelor party. That’s really all you need to know. Cut them both off.

WithLoveFromKarachi −  He’s controlling. He’s a mean drunk. He also planned his bachelor party by himself and knowingly hired Rebecca. For this alone he can never be “completely” innocent. Who hires friends/neighbors as strippers for their bachelor party

[Reddit User] −  if my husbands story is true then he’s totally innocent. not even close to innocent

MissReanimator −  They’re both pretty s**tty, regardless of who is telling the truth. That’s assuming either of them are. They both stand to gain from omitting certain details. He never should have hired her. She never should have agreed to do it. Something happened. At this point it kind of doesn’t matter what. You know it was bad.

They know it was bad. Otherwise, someone would have said something a long time ago. They knew what the fallout would be, that’s why nobody said anything. It s**k and it hurts but I think you know what to do. Cut them both off and move on. You don’t deserve this.

notoriously909 −  Well the “blowjob while blacked out drunk” thing sounds pretty suspect. Like when is a girl ever gonna be like “omg I want this d**k so bad that I’m going to s**k it when he’s asleep! I dont need s** or anything, I just want to make this dude that’s passed out feel great!”

littleghostwhowalks −  …he is the one who hired her on purpose. Wake up, OP. You married a monster.