I (30F) found out my husband (32M) hired my friend (26F) to strip at his bachelor party

A 30-year-old woman recently discovered that her husband hired her close friend, Rebecca, to strip at his bachelor party four years ago, before they were married. Rebecca, who had been a stripper professionally, is now a married stay-at-home mom and a neighbor.

The revelation came from one of the husband’s friends during a casual visit, sparking a heated argument between the couple. Feeling betrayed, the user texted Rebecca to cut ties, but now regrets her decision and is grappling with feelings of hurt and loss over the friendship.

‘ I (30F) found out my husband (32M) hired my friend (26F) to strip at his bachelor party?’

4 years ago I got married to my husband after dating for 6 years, so 10 years total now. My friend (Rebecca) has stripped since she was 21, she stopped last year after getting married and is going to be a SAHM when her baby is born, since our children – we’re very close and we’re basically neighbours (she lives at the bottom of the road we live on).

Last week one of my husbands friends visited at the same time as Rebecca as I had made plans to shop with her, I forgot to cancel and she showed up. After she left my husbands friend commented that he can’t believe we’re still friends after the bachelor party.

When I asked my husband what his friend meant he refused to comment and we got into a huge fight over it when he told me Rebecca had been the stripper at his bachelor party. I texted Rebecca in the moment that I don’t want her around anymore, but she hasn’t responded in a week.

I feel betrayed by the both of them but I know it was just her job. I miss Rebecca a lot but I’m so hurt.. I don’t know what to do

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

TherapyKitty −  My biggest concern is the friend’s comment. I would want to know what happened. If it was me I would ask him, her and his friends. The fact that she hasn’t responded also makes me suspect there was more.

luella27 −  This might get buried but, I’m a professional burlesque performer. At one point a fellow dancer asked if I wanted to perform with her at a private holiday party, and when she told me the payout I almost s**t myself. I was pretty new at this point and didn’t even know I could make this amount of money from performing.

But I found out it was for a business owned by a friend of my dad’s, and I bailed immediately. There are some lines you just don’t cross. Losing a friend is hard no matter what, but this person was not your friend when she crossed that boundary, and she wasn’t your friend when she continued to hide it from you.

You can miss her and mourn the relationship you thought you had, but this is not a loss. Good luck 💗

arh267 −  I want to start with: you are fully entitled to your reaction to this. This is something your Best Friend and Husband have been keeping from you for FOUR YEARS. Obviously they knew it was wrong and extremely disrespectful towards you, otherwise they would have told you about it themselves.

I put more blame on your husband than your friend, that was her job and maybe she was desperate for money. But was your best friend the only stripper in town? No. This was intentional and wrong. Your husband lacked ANY consideration and respect for you and your feelings by doing this.

I would sit down and think about how your husband and friend have treated you over the years, whether they respect you and your boundaries. Only then should you have a big conversation with both of them individually to see if these relationships are salvageable.

ariley80 −  God, I’m glad my husband and I didn’t have these parties before we got married. It’s a very interesting tradition to say the least. You are getting married tomorrow but rubbing w a stripper tonight “because it’s your last night of freedom?!?!”. Freedom from what?!!!. I WANTED my husband …

Not some oily hunk of f**k up my relationship! Sorry you are finding this out now… A friend of my ex husband made a comment that dialed me in on some shady s**t he was silent about. Maybe this is a sign you have been waiting for.. If not, I feel for you.. He certainly fucked up.🤯

[Reddit User] −  Would like an update

[Reddit User] −  I texted Rebecca in the moment that I don’t want her around anymore, but she hasn’t responded in a week. I mean, you told her you didn’t want anything further to do with her. Seems like the most respectful response to that *would* be silence.

If you’re going to reach out again, I think you need to get clear on exactly what you want here. An apology? An explanation? Or do you just want to vent how hurt you are? You can’t count on getting the reaction you want from her, but if you can’t actually see yourself ever trusting her enough again to repair the friendship regardless, then there’s no real point.

The bigger problem here is with your husband. Did you two talk about the bachelor party in advance? Would you have a problem with this if it hadn’t been Rebecca, or if he’d told you? What do you need from *him* to move forward?

Thenightisyoungish −  You need to find out exactly what happened at that party. I don’t think it was just stripping.

AuthenticEstimator −  Go to her house and strip for her husband, balance will be restored.

[Reddit User] −  Even as a dude I find watching strippers really n**ty, I don’t know it just feels weird to even do that? I do need to ask and maybe this is a cultural thing, was it really your husband that hired her? I mean usually it’s the bestman/bestmens job to organize the bachelors party isn’t it? Sounds odd to me either way and I’d be pissed too.

raising_wolves −  1) the comment from his friend definitely makes it seem like there was something beyond her doing her job as a stripper, maybe look into that.
2) if you miss her, talk to her. You husband may have very well told her that you knew or that you said you would be fine with it as long as it was her because you trusted her. Just have a conversation with her.