[Update] I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.

After a family confrontation last year about disrespect towards their Korean mother, a user reflects on the aftermath and how it changed family dynamics. Standing up for their mom led to a shift in how relatives treat her, particularly during Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings, which were drama-free for the first time in years.

Despite lingering tension with an aunt who was called out, the user feels proud of their actions and has mended some relationships while encouraging others to treat their mom as an equal.

‘ [Update] I [M 32] ruined Christmas and I have no regrets.’

The year has been interesting.. Immediately after Christmas I sent an apology letter to my aunt. It went against some advice but my letter requested to not let the situation impact the family. I left the lack of any relationship in her hands and shared everything can change if she gives my mom a little more respect.

I decided to send a letter because she lives three hours away and I’ve never spoken to her on the phone more than 30 seconds. I didn’t think a phone call would help or fix the situation, especially after I blew up. After Christmas I apologized to my grandma for what I did. I let my grandma know I sent an apology letter to my aunt.

My grandma told me she is and always wants my mom to feel like she is part of the family. I could tell my grandma was on the verge of crying when she said that. My grandma told me blowing up was not ok but understood why I did it. Hearing that felt really good.

In regards to the letter. I got no response. My aunt denied ever getting it. We know my aunt got the letter because when my grandma confronted her about last Christmas my aunt went into a rant about several things I mentioned in my letter. My grandma did tell my aunt what she did was wrong and she needed to change.

In February my aunt didn’t come to my Grandmas 80th birthday party. She told other family members she didn’t want to “cause an argument” so she didn’t want to come. My aunt didn’t come to my grandma’s on Mother’s Day dinner because she supposedly had to work. My family didn’t get together the rest of the year.

Thanksgiving and Christmas came. Things are not perfect but Thanksgiving and Christmas went really well this year. I was going to post after Thanksgiving but the gathering was smaller than usual and I wanted to see how Christmas went. During Thanksgiving and Christmas everyone was very kind to my mom.

It felt like everything shifted. Everyone spoke to her differently and it feels really good. My mom got to help in the kitchen for the first time ever. I know that sounds dumb but my mom has always wanted to help cook because she loves to cook. It was the first time she didn’t spend the whole day in the living room.

At one point during Thanksgiving my mom asked me to help her dry dishes. While we were washing/drying dishes my mom was smiling the entire time. At one point my mom stopped putting dishes away and randomly hugged me. We laughed and had fun the entire time. No one argued. No n**ty remarks.

My mom was treated as an equal and it felt really good. In regards to the aunt that I yelled at last year. She came late to Thanksgiving. So late, we were eating when she arrived. At Thanksgiving my mom did initiated the first interaction with my Aunt. She was not very conversational but polite to my mom.

My aunt didn’t look at me the entire time. When she arrived I went to say hello and she turned away and kept her distance the entire time. She basically stated in a different room the entire time. She also left early and was the first to leave. The best part? I don’t care. I apologized and left future in her hands.

If she treats my mom well she will get nothing but respect in return. Christmas was as if nothing happened. My aunt didn’t really talk to me but she was incredibly nice to my mom. I’m ok with that. Both my parents said they have never seen my aunt so nice before. My mom got to help in the kitchen just like Thanksgiving.

This year for the first time it felt like my mom was an equal in the family. Everyone was incredibly nice. No arguments, snide remarks or drama. I regret yelling but it changed everything. I think it put everyone on notice they need to change. There was a lot of questions and comments about my dad.

The comments was hard to hear but true. It helped me reflect on what my dad has/hasn’t done. The truth is my dad has been the glue of the family for years.. he spends so much time being the middle man and trying to repair issues. At times it’s been at the expense of my mom.

Regardless, my dad’s lack of actions over the years doesn’t make it right. Over the summer I told my dad what I felt. I told him that I was disappointed in him and that his family has never been kind to my mom. I told him he should have done more. My dad didn’t take it well but he told me I did the right thing.

My relationship with my dad is complicated. I know though I’m not going to make the same mistakes he has. We are different people and I will do whatever is needed. If you’re reading this and have a similar situation. If you have people or someone rude in your family, try to take a moment to sit someone down.

Hear them out and try to do the right thing from the start. When you have the convo, stay calm. If they are not willing to hear you.. then make it known. Blowing up could have gone either way and I’m lucky it fixed things.

Try to loop in other family members before or after so they understand your reasons and can back you for your choice. My post last year gave me affirmation what I did was right, follow your heart.. it might fix years of issues.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

PennroyalTea −  That was nice to read. Glad your mom finally feels like part of the family! Good for you for standing up for her. Yelling may have made things tense at the time, but something had to be done and you handled it well otherwise.

moderately_nerdifyin −  THIS WAS AMAZING TO READ!!!! Good for you standing up for your mom, she sounds like a lovely person who takes a lot of guff and just lets it roll off her back, but the dishwashing and hug story made me tear up a bit.

You did something that I’m sure she tried all year to explain in words what it meant to her. In the end there were no words, only a heartfelt hug could come close. Merry Christmas, and an early happy new year to you and your mom!!!!

SkootchDown −  I wish I could give you the biggest mom hug EVER! I am SO incredibly proud of you for what you’ve done and how you handled the entire situation. You. Are. On. FIRE!. Thanks for the update too!

Meeseeks82 −  Honestly dude you shouldn’t have to apologize for blowing up on “family” that treats other family members as less than. You shifted the dynamic by taking away her authority. You are no longer aunt and nephew, you are equals and she probably can’t deal with that. Good on you, your mom is proud of you and you should be too.

fermat1432 −  I think that yelling and the subsequent drama were inevitable! Good job!

Iridium_Pumpkin −  I remember this post. Glad to see that things are looking better for your mom. Sometimes b**lshit needs to be called out, publicly, before it can be fixed.

luthiercon1 −  Congrats bro. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to your enemies, and a lot more to your friends, so I’m guessing that family takes it even further.

Complete_Entry −  You discovered a flaw in module Aunt.exe and issued a politeness update.
I’m sorry your dad didn’t do so sooner, but applaud your standing up.

shamwu −  Being mixed is hard sometimes . Glad you’re doing well with it!

foulbachelorlife −  You’re a good son dude.