Husband (32) gaming for 6+ hours a night

A Redditor shared their struggles with a husband whose gaming habit has taken over their lives. While she supports his need for downtime, his late-night gaming, lack of shared quality time, and neglect of household responsibilities have left her feeling lonely and overburdened. Attempts to discuss the issue have resulted in fights, leaving her uncertain about how to move forward. Read the full story below to learn more.

‘ Husband (32) gaming for 6+ hours a night’

We’ve been married for 3 years and been together for 7. He is an avid gamer however its getting ridiculous now. I absolutely understand his need to game, it’s his downtime and I would never ask him to stop altogether. However we haven’t gone to bed together in over 2 years, he stays up till 3/4am every night gaming.

I can’t get any sleep, it’s a small house so all I can hear is the clicking of the mechanical keyboard and him talking to the others online. He’ll sleep till 12/1pm on the weekends, he games for most of the day and night, thinks spending an hour or 2 with me after I make dinner is ‘quality time’ (it really isn’t).

I’ve tried talking to him about this but it always escalates into a fight and he says that he’ll be living a miserable life if he has to limit his gaming time.  I’m stuck doing all of the household chores while working full time and running my own business (a bakery).

I love alone time as much as the next person but I feel so lonely as we can’t do anything together because his world revolves around it. I have tried every approach and he won’t budge. He turns it around on me saying that I’m being controlling, needy and that I’m changing him which I’m absolutely not, I have never asked him to stop and would never. He does work so I understand the need to escape and have time alone. Any advice is much appreciated.

TL;DR Husbad games all night, refuses to see it may be a problem in our marriage

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

[Reddit User] −  I read a similar story on here a few years ago and the girlfriend/wife had good success with asking her husband to just track his hours, everything he did. Then rank his priorities in life and compare how he spent his time to his priorities. He would *tell her* she was his priority but she was able to demonstrate that is not where he was prioritizing his time.

IDK. My husband went through a phase where gaming was a problem, but it was that, and directly related to his mental health. Aside from making it extremely clear that he is prioritizing a digital life over his irl wife and that you are being negatively affected by his gaming and are not going to stick around for that forever or subject kids/dogs whatever to it.

And that playing an hour or two at night and a couple hours on the weekend are fine but what he’s doing is unhealthy for everyone including himself, there’s not much you can do. It really is similar to dealing with an addict. You have to decide what **your** boundaries are and stick to them.

ETA: also. You are not obligated to try to fix him or try to solve this problem. This is a problem of his creation. If he does nothing and you leave you should not feel guilty.

**You deserve to be treated well in a relationship, and not expected to sit on a shelf until your partner is ready to play with you. You are a whole person with needs and wants and it is a good thing to know that and fight for it**

[Reddit User] −  Having a hobby is fine. Having an addiction is not. A hobby becomes an addiction when it takes over his life and he refuses to see the damage it’s doing to his relationship and the pain it’s causing you. Like any addict he’s unlikely to stop until he recognises the problem and wants to stop – and he’s unlikely to recognise the problem until he hits rock bottom or is shocked out of it.

maps2001 −  Stop cooking for him and stop doing his laundry. Does he work?

[Reddit User] −  \ I’ve tried talking to him about this but it always escalates into a fight and he says that he’ll be living a miserable life if he has to limit his gaming time.  As someone who has been addicted to gaming in the past (now recovered), this sounds familiar to me.

Video games are a form of escape. Same as drinking or doing drugs. They let your mind be obsessed with something other than your real problems. They offer the feeling of success, victory, winning, the same way that a gambling addict gets a psychological reward from the slot machine hitting a winner. Except gaming has no hangover, no physical effects, and costs very little (compared to gambling).

It sounds to me like he’s dealing with some inner demons that he can’t handle, and he’s found his escape mechanism. I recommend finding resources for partners of gaming addicts- there are some out there.

If he’s unwilling to fight his addiction, unwilling to deal with his problems, you need to look out for yourself. I don’t think that divorce should be the first option- you care about your partner and you want to help.

\ I’m stuck doing all of the household chores … I have never asked him to stop and would never Playing some devil’s advocate- this is enabling behaviour. He has a serious problem that you can clearly see. You make it possible for him to continue to have this problem, and don’t ask him to stop having it. Replace gaming with drugs, alcohol, or gambling and ask yourself if you’d still look at it the same way? Good luck to the both of you. It’s not an easy road.

cptsue1985 −  Make him uncomfortable like he’s made you. As suggested already, stop making his food and doing his laundry. He will either care or not. If not, consider you have an absent partner and I would seek counseling. If he always gamed this much, the red flags have flown, and you may have ignored; however, it’s not too late to make decisions that make YOU happy. Take care of you! He’s taking care of him. Best of luck.

[Reddit User] −  Do your chores needs. Do not do his. Suggest counseling. Consider divorce.

polariskai −  You’re not a spouse, you are a caretaker at this point. Evaluate if this is how you want to live forever and take proper steps to resolve the issue. Stop doing his chores, cooking and laundry and then you two need to get to counseling. He is ignoring your needs (sleep, comfort of a marriage, etc.)

AND is not open to collaborating to find a solution. If he was open to communicating and sympathetic to your feelings about it I wouldn’t jump to counseling, but these are major red flags that you can’t even talk to him about it because he is blinded by the need to game.

bluevelvetwaltz −  I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. It’s not unreasonable for you to want to spend more quality time with him, and it’s absolutely unfair for him to leave the burden of household chores solely on you. If you’ve tried everything, and he’s still acting like a miserable teenager, I’d seriously consider divorce and find yourself a true partner. Trust me, this will only lead to more stress and unhappiness for you. Don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You deserve better than this.

BabyBundtCakes −  If my SO told me their life would be miserable if they stopped playing games I’d start encouraging them to seek professional help. I’m also miserable doing laundry but I f**king do it because I’m an adult. I do have depression and anxiety and it IS a struggle!

My SO also games far too much (we don’t watch TV really and we both play, it’s our main activity which I’m fine with) so we have rules like do chores before starting a game, so he’ll do a load of dishes or take out the trash or something (I do not have this rule because it isn’t a problem for me,I have my own issues)

ETA: if my so told me that chores made them miserable my initial statement would probably be something like “chores make everyone miserable, that’s why they aren’t called funs, and I’m a person here too and you not pulling your weight is adding extra misery to me.

I wash your clothes, I cook your food, I don’t have to do these things, these aren’t requirements for me. I do them because we are supposed to be a partnership, but you’re not being a good partner right now, so I’m going to just do my own stuff for a while as you do”

Peppatwig −  Does he work? Does he pay the bills? If not, turn off the internet

Do you think the husband’s approach to gaming is overshadowing the relationship, or is the wife’s concern an overreaction to his personal downtime? How would you balance personal hobbies and a partner’s needs in a marriage? Share your thoughts below!