AITA for making Christmas awkward when I said I didn’t care if my mom ended up divorced?

A Reddit user (15M) shares a tense Christmas conflict involving his mom and stepdad. After losing his father before birth and being raised on stories about him, the user feels a strong connection to his biological dad. His stepdad has repeatedly asked to adopt him, claiming it would solidify their family, but the user has consistently refused.

This Christmas, the stepdad issued an ultimatum, saying he’d either divorce the mom or cut off the user if adoption wasn’t granted. When the mom pressured her son to agree to save her marriage, he firmly declined, stating he didn’t care if they divorced. The fallout has made family gatherings incredibly tense.

‘ AITA for making Christmas awkward when I said I didn’t care if my mom ended up divorced?’

My dad died when my mom was pregnant with me (15M). My brother was 6 when dad died and always talked about him and told me stories about him. He was really affected by dad’s d**th and kept him alive for me in a way. I can’t really describe it but some of my favorite memories of my brother telling me bedtime stories that were just stories about dad instead of stories from books or made up stuff.

He only had five he knew from living them but they were the best and he told me stories he got from dad’s family too, just way less frequently since they weren’t his lived stories. This stuff made me feel like I still had a dad even though I didn’t have one with me.

When I was 6 mom met my stepdad and married him after 5 months of dating. He wanted a really fast family and wanted to adopt me and my brother but my brother hated him for expecting it. They had a fight when it was mentioned because our stepdad said he’d be the man of the house and our family so it only made sense and my brother told him he was a stranger. We only knew him for 3 months when this was happening so my brother wasn’t wrong. It offended our stepdad though. I wasn’t okay with it either and that pissed him off more.

He brought it up a bunch of times the first year and then like 5 times a year after that. My brother told him he’d rather be dead than let him be his dad. I said no but I tried to not be a j**k about it but I didn’t want it and got kind of annoyed by being asked so much.

I said that too but I was told it was something he’d keep asking because he felt he deserved it, my mom wanted him to have what he wanted and they didn’t think it was fair for me to say no when I didn’t ever know my dad or have a relationship with him. My mom gave my brother a really hard time for being the cause of it and my stepdad told me I should want a dad at my age and he said that when I was a lot of ages.

Yesterday things got awkward and it’s made today awkward too. We’re not even that far into today. But my mom and stepdad sat me down and he told me again he wanted to adopt me. Before I could say no again he told me he’s tired of not having kids of his own, he can’t have any, and he wants someone to pass on his family name and he wants that to be me since he raised me as his own.

He said he’s tired of being dismissed as a dad and if I don’t accept him then he’s done and he’ll either divorce mom or he’s ignoring me and my brother forever. My mom told me I need to help her not get divorced and do I want that for her. I said I don’t care and I don’t want to be adopted and I’m not giving in because of their marriage.

They didn’t like my answer and now my mom’s family are frustrated I made things so awkward because we’re all together and it’s bad. I’ll probably hide out in my bedroom for the rest of the day because it’s intense downstairs.. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

mikoline971 −  NTA. You are absolutely not responsible for your mother’s marriage. The foundations of their marriages have absolutely nothing to do with whether they adopt you or not. She seems to be m**ipulative.

lovebeinganasshole −  Your mom is gross. She basically sold you and your brother as some kind of wedding dowery. Only you two aren’t playing the gross game. It’s your mom and her husband’s fault for treating you two like dolls on a shelf to be bought and traded instead of living human beings with thoughts and ideas. NTA.

Old_Cheek1076 −  This is emotional abuse from your mom and from her husband. Their marriage is no more your responsibility than it is mine. NTA.

New-Number-7810 −  NTA. Your mother failed as a mother. She brought someone you barely knew into your home, and took his side when he tried pressuring you and your brother into something neither of you wanted.  A mother is supposed to stand up for her kids. Your mother is not doing that.

writing_mm_romance −  It’s disgusting that they’re putting the fate of their marriage on your shoulders. I’d reach out to your brother or another adult to see if there is a way you can leave.

VinylHighway −  wow emotional b**ckmail. Classy. His relationship must be strong.

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA. Your mother is ready to use you to keep her marriage intact. That’s what it amounts to and even saying it makes me feel like I need a shower. If your stepdad spent all of his time fulfilling the role of a dad instead of worrying about what it looked like on paper, who knows? Maybe you and/or your brother would have been more receptive to the idea.

He should have simply told you that he would love to adopt you and if you ever wanted him to, just to let him know. Then, he should have just shut up about it. Your mother is your mother, so I won’t badmouth her any more than I already have.

lonly25 −  You mom is selling you like an orphan. You are not an orphan. You have a dad that passed away but he is very much in you. Both your mom and step dad are b**lying you to get what they wants. This is not about love he need a kid to carry his name. You mom need a b**ly husband. Well it sucks for them. Don’t give in. You are brave and strong. So what hang out in your room. When you say no. People true colors come out.

Appropriate_Shirt932 −  The funny thing about all of this is that if your mother had waited, for literally everything. Introducing you guys, getting married, moving him in etc. instead of forcing you, you very likely could have grown to love eachother in a parent child manner. But the fact that they continuously tried to force a relationship that wasn’t there, caused you and your brother to resent them and never even consider it. I hope you show them these comments so they can see a bunch of other adults saying how stupid they are. NTA obviously.

kirinspeaks −  NTA. Your mother’s husband can want kids all he wants, that doesn’t give him the right to force you into the role. If he leaves her because of this, that’s on them, not on you.