My [24F] boyfriend [25M] is being passive aggressive about my injury since it happened when I was drinking and is also accusing me of “overplaying” my injury
A Reddit user (24F) shares her frustration with her boyfriend (25M) after she fractured her foot on the 4th of July while drinking. While she acknowledges her mistake, her boyfriend has been passive-aggressive about the situation, accusing her of overplaying the injury and being irresponsible. He’s upset that their plans were canceled and feels the injury isn’t a big deal. She’s struggling with his lack of support and his dismissive behavior regarding her pain. Read the full story below.
‘ My [24F] boyfriend [25M] is being passive aggressive about my injury since it happened when I was drinking and is also accusing me of “overplaying” my injury’
So on the 4th of July I fell down a couple stairs and fractured my foot. I wasn’t super drunk, but I had a few drinks. We had plans to go out of town the following day but had to cancel. Immediately I could tell he was upset and I apologized for ruining our plans. He said it wasn’t the fact I got hurt, but I was being irresponsible and fell.
I told him again, I was sorry but I wasn’t even drinking that much. However, I don’t drink often and when I do, I get buzzed pretty quickly. Since then, he’s been very hostile. He’s accused me of overplaying my injury, saying I shouldn’t even need a boot for “just a fracture”, he doesn’t offer to help me with anything so I’m constantly stressing my foot, etc..
Overall he’s just acting like me being injured is a huge inconvenience to him and I’m overreacting for attention or something. Any time I need help with something or mention anything regarding my foot, he just rolls his eyes. He’s never fractured anything or had any kind of injury like that, so I don’t think he understands that it’s very painful.
Yesterday I took my boot off and my foot was really swollen. I asked him to get me ice and he mumbled how I “got myself into this mess by being irresponsible.” I asked him AGAIN if he was upset I was drinking or upset we weren’t able to go out of town. He said both, and it’s “especially frustrating you had us cancel over a minor fracture”.
I guess I’m not sure what to do at this point. I’ve apologized for drinking so much that night but I can’t change it now. I just can’t handle the passive aggressive behavior..
TL;DR : Fractured my foot on the 4th of July after I’d been drinking. Boyfriend was upset I was being irresponsible and is also mad we had to cancel plans to go out of town. He also thinks I’m “overplaying” my injury.
See what others had to share with OP:
Megandapanda − I would really recommend reconsidering your relationship. I don’t know if you plan to have kids, but picture yourself with stitches in your belly after a C section, the day after. Your boyfriend refusing to help you. Saying you’re the one who needed a C-section.
Or, imagine you get in a car accident and break your back, or have mono, or the flu, or have cancer…imagine how he would act then. To me, that thought is very sad. A partner should absolutely help you and take care of you when you are injured or sick. He is showing you how he really is. Believe him.
ulfricstormboob − Red flag on red flag on a bed of red flags. His behaviour is disgusting and if he isn’t willing to help you and roll with the punches, kick him to curb. Maybe he’ll fracture his foot and grow up 🤷🏻
Echinoderm_only − Life’s too short for assholes that call you a l**r for breaking your foot.
Revonue − Watch carefully. He is giving you a window into how he’ll treat every injury you have that he doesn’t personally understand, every injury that “inconveniences” him or both. My mom does this and it drives me up a wall. So I know how it feels.
A partner is someone who helps you when you’re hurt, even if it’s “your fault”. I know everyone whines about reddit jumping to breaking up, but I would seriously be evaluating the relationship in your shoes, especially if you want a long-term relationship. Things happen in life. What if you got in an accident or really sick, and needed serious help? Would he help you, or would he be pissy and blame you?
I’d sit him down and tell him something along the lines of: “I’m sorry our plans were cancelled but we can’t change the past. I’m in pain and I need you to help me and respect me so that my injury doesn’t get worse. If you can’t move on from your disappointment and be helpful, I’ll need to [rethink our relationship] [take a break] [leave]”.
Btw, I had an a**le injury a few years ago. They originally thought hairline fracture until a specialist determined it was a really bad sprain. Even with just a sprain, I had to wear a boot and get physical therapy- and even after that it wasn’t the same for a long time. These injuries can and do get worse if you keep pushing yourself.
theoreoestofpandas − Just think about it: if he doesn’t believe you’re hurt over a *broken bone*, how’s he gonna act if you get pregnant? “You’re just making this morning sickness thing up, stop fake-puking every morning it’s gross”?? Gotta think about these things. You want to be with someone that has your back.
liimitless − Sounds like a s**tty bf. My mans would never
Ladyughsalot1 − So you don’t have a habit or trend of irresponsible drinking, and you had an injury anyone could have sober that resulted in a broken bone. And he’s being this horrid? He’s got too little empathy to be in a relationship
Poli_Sci_27 − You don’t need to do anything. He’s being rude and disrespectful. You’re hurt and all he is doing is whining and being upset with you.
LAWillEndYou − I fell down a fire escape 6 years ago and ended up losing my pinky finger. I had a few beers but definitely not wasted or anything (it had been raining and I slipped). My bf (now husband) was SO supportive and had to do so much to help me recover. He even defended me to people who were gossiping and saying I “brought it on myself”. I’ve never commented in this sub before but I must say HUGE red flags.
Whytworugs − You can get hurt BECAUSE of drinking or you can get hurt WHILE YOU HAPPEN TO BE drinking. The fact that you happened to be drinking before an injury shouldn’t delegitimize it.
It’s tough when someone you care about doesn’t show empathy during a time you need support. Have you ever felt misunderstood during an injury or difficult time? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!