AITAH for teaching my son after lesson and throwing him out after he said household chores are a woman’s job?

A Redditor (34M) recently faced a tough parenting moment with his 16-year-old son, who shocked him with the claim that household chores are “a woman’s job” and “only simps do simple household chores.” Determined not to let his son grow up with this mindset, the father responded by packing his son’s bags and sending him to live with his mother, where he’s now learning the value of shared responsibility.

While the son has since apologized and is ready to return, the father and his ex-wife have agreed to continue the lesson for a little longer to reinforce its importance. However, friends at a Christmas gathering criticized the dad for being too harsh, leaving him questioning if he went too far.

‘ AITAH for teaching my son after lesson and throwing him out after he said household chores are a woman’s job?’

I (34M) got a 16 year old son with my ex (34F). We had our son way too early in life; we lived on the same street growing up, and knew eachother from school. We fooled around sometimes and the rest is history. I’m ashamed to say but both our parents have been exceptionally controlling in both our lives up until the divorce, and both my ex and me were too much of a pushover to do anything about it. When they learned she was pregnant, they forced us to get married. They told me they want her as a SAHM and me to work.

My ex and I, we hated eachother for our stolen lives. We were never cruel to one another, and have never displayed any h**red in our house for our son’s sake. But we slept in different bedrooms, and avoided eachother as much as we could. We split up after I caught her “cheating” which finally made us both able to break off the chains of control both our parents had over us and get divorced 2 years ago.

Now everything is very good between us and I even consider her a friend, now that she’s no longer my wife. And, credit where credit is due, she was however, a remarkable homemaker and an amazing mother. When we divorced, I had to learn all of this on my own. It was the first time I realised how much work goes into maintaining a house, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I had to look up YouTube tutorials on how to clean and cook.

A few weeks ago, I was ironing me and my sons clothes and told him that I want to teach him how to do this, as I don’t want him falling into the same mistake I did and never learning this on my own. He said he doesn’t want to and I just said he’ll have to learn to do this at some point. He then said “only failed men do stuff like this and I won’t be one of them.” I stopped and looked up a bit bewildered and asked him to clarify.

He said that it is his belief that this is a woman’s job to do and that only simps do simple household chores. I tried to keep my composure as much as I could but asked if he saw me as a simp and he just shrugged. I told him that now he will have to choose his next words very carefully but I said that he will learn household work weather he likes it or not.

He again reiterate what he said and I said well, if you think this is a woman’s job, it’s time for you to live with a woman and to pack his bag and to go to his mom’s house, as I will not have any of that Andrew Tate b**lshit in my house.
My son lives with me during the week as his school is only 5 minutes away and his mom nearly 2 hours.

He refused to make his bag so I made it for him, he started seeing the gravity of my seriousness and tried to backtrack on his words but I wasn’t having any of it. He must’ve called his mom in the time I was packing as she called me as well.
She asked me what’s going on and I told her what happened. Surprisingly she’s on my side and has just asked me to drop him off at hers and she’ll help teaching him a lesson.

It’s been about 2 weeks now that he lives with his mom, and she has been reinforcing the household chores on him. He’s called me multiple times to apologise and asking me to come back, his mom and I agreed he’s going to stick this up for a week or 2 after the holidays, and make him commute to school and do lesser household chores; and them let him come back to me to reinforce the consequence of his “belief”

My friends that I spend Christmas with yesterday said I was rather hard and it was a d**k move to uproot his life like this and it was an AH thing to do. So now I am questioning myself, was I the AH here?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Aggravating_Ring39 −  Awesome job coparenting and holding him accountable

JTBlakeinNYC −  NTA. You two may not have been right for one another as spouses, but you’re both amazing parents.

InternationalTexan71 −  I teach teens. Since you’re both on the same page about teaching him a lesson, I applaud you. And points to you for recognizing it as toxic Andrew T nonsense. From here out, your young man makes his own lunch, does his own laundry, and takes more responsibility. No backsliding allowed. I would question, based on your description, if he’s getting these ideas from his grandparents. Something to consider.. NTA.

Bertiers_Moma −  NTA. This Andrew Tate/Patriarchal bullsh\*t is dangerous and scary. Nipping this in the bud is hugely important. I’m actually impressed that you and your ex did such a great job handling this together. Let him come back after he writes a paper comparing and contrasting the lives of women in Iran before and after 1979. Have him document the dangers of the patriarchy and what happens to the overall **economy** in a nation that embraces it.. Well done, dad. Well done.

Any_Fig2463 −  My mother taught my brother how to cook, clean, and wash his clothes before going to university, and he hated it. BUT, when he got to university, he was one of very few who could do those things, and he helped teach others how to feed themselves and wash their clothes, hahaha.. NTA.

Educational-Log7079 −  NTAH – my dad was ex military (we think sniper due to little bits he’d said over the years)and he could do all the housework including grocery shopping cooking, laundry and ironing (as well as sewing buttons on his clothes when they fell off) for the family, he passed 12 years ago. His sister’s husband is an arsehole, who at 80 yo can’t even make a cup of tea. Tell your son his future partner will be thankful that he is able to do these tasks. Also he can lord it over his uni mates if they don’t have a clue!

thanks_hank −  Andrew Tate and his followers are a f**king poison.

sorceressofgrayskull −  NTA – your kid needed discipline and to learn a lesson and so that’s what you did. Those other people that commented to you don’t have to live with your son or his behaviour/actions so they don’t get to critique your parenting.

RevolutionaryCow7961 −  NTA. You gave him an important reality check. These guys falling for this Andrew Tate crap need to learn, that’s what it is. Wait till they marry 2 or 3 times and don’t understand why the marriage breaks down.

Adventurous_Movie797 −  Your friends are d*cks. Might need to upgrade.