UPDATE: I asked my bf for alone time and he told me to pack my stuff and leave for good.

A Redditor (30F) shared an update after asking her boyfriend (29M) for alone time, which led to a breakup. After initially reconciling and living separately for a few weeks, unresolved trust issues and repeated arguments led to their final split. Despite feeling sadness and guilt, she reflects on the decision and seeks encouragement from others who’ve found love after 30. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE: I asked my bf for alone time and he told me to pack my stuff and leave for good.’

Well, as a likely shock to no one, we (me, 30F and him, 29M) broke up. It wasn’t as swift as some comments encouraged… we reconciled after he insisted he hadn’t meant to end things and had overreacted out of emotion. We gave it another shot living in our own places again for a few weeks. Things went well enough, but unresolved trust issues became exacerbated as I was not in his physical proximity as often and he felt insecure about the distance between us.

Ultimately, a few weeks after reconciling we ended up in another argument after dinner one night. There was once again a very disproportionate reaction to a situation that should have been more calmly communicated about, and I realized if we reconciled again I’d be in the same position a few weeks later… it had become an exhausting cycle.

We aren’t in contact this time. He found the original thread I posted and was (understandably) hurt by what I wrote and for not sticking up for him. I am sad, mourning ending the relationship, and feeling bad for hurting someone I care about. Frustrated that it was so messy, that it didn’t work out, etc…

just taking things a day at a time and trusting that I made the right choice (which is hard when there’s no answer key for life to check against.) Send your most encouraging and hope-restoring love-after-30 stories.

TL;DR: we tried again and then broke up.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

DFahnz −  He found the original thread I posted and was (understandably) hurt by what I wrote and for not sticking up for him So he wasn’t hurt by the fact that he was causing you so much pain that you needed to go to an outside source of support, just that you made him look “bad”. Yeah, you’re better off without him.

darrow19 −  The thing that stood out in the original post is that he complained when you were upstairs, then complained when you came down to hang out. There is no winning with people like that. No matter what you do they will find fault and keep you in a perpetual state of contrition to them.

It’s controlling and meant to leave the other person exhausted trying to make up for perceived wrong-doings. And you can never make things right because expectations shift and often contradict previous demands.. Trust you made the right decision.

lesleyknope26 −  I’m sorry you’re sad now, but I can assure you it will pass. You’ve made the right decision, and it doesn’t mean that either of you are bad people, just not compatible. As for the 30s, it’s actually super weird but all of my closest female friends, including my sister, found their amazing partners in their early thirties.

After struggling with douchebags/ people who are not the best for them/cheating FIANCÉS in their twenties. I think it’s something to do with finding your own comfort zone, accepting yourself finally, communicating your needs/boundaries and in general less fucks given about other people and their opinions. I wish you luck and honestly I’ve no doubt you’ll find a great partner as just as I’ve said, 30s is where it’s at!

sevo1977 −  My after 30s was filled with dating, travelling the world and ended up with my heart broken again at 39. I’m now 43 and engaged to a wonderful man.

needleworkreverie −  First, you are better off without him. Love after 30. My best friend has had a string of serious boyfriends but recently she (at 34) got together with a friend of hers from college and she got pregnant on the first time they were together.

She opted for aborting and he came with her to the appointment and they had a little ceremony where they read out something to the fetus and said goodbye to it. Both of their jobs lead to travel, but they always make time to call and text with each other and she made certain when they were first together to make sure that his priorities are in line with hers. They’re planning to officially move in once the first person’s lease is up for renewal and starting a family soon.

My husband’s aunt didn’t meet her husband until 36, married at 37 and had her kids at 38 and 40. Those kids are now in their mid-late 20s and getting married themselves. My friend K got married in his late 20s but it didn’t work out and he was divorced with a young son by his early 30s. He and my friend S ended up falling in love and getting married about two years ago. His ex is also remarrying soon.

Somberliver −  Someone who asks you to pick your stuff and leave, in the midst of a pandemia nonetheless- is not long term relationship material. Anyone who asks you to leave the home instead of talking is not someone you can trust.

ElectraUnderTheSea −  I ended a 13-year relationship at age 30 and I was utterly convinced I’d die alone – but I’d rather live and die alone than with my ex by my side. Without even trying I met my current boyfriend not even 6 months later and we’ve been together for 6 years.

I think the secret is to take some time to reflect on your life and just go out and have fun with no expectations. Don’t put pressure on yourself to find someone, take a breath and do enjoy life. Don’t settle out of fear or pressure (or God forbid you get back together with him), you’ll regret it. You’ve been just given a fantastic opportunity to restart your life and truly be happy, this is the time to do all the things and more!!

-tev- −  Ending a relationship always hurts because you don’t stop caring about someone just because you’ve realised that dating them isn’t right for you. But the world isn’t black and white and you’re right, there’s no answer sheet. Ultimately all that matters is that you’re happy. And I think you know that you wouldn’t be happy if you’d stayed with him, or else you wouldn’t have been able to bring yourself to break up.

You might feel crappy now, because your lifestyle and future plans have become uncertain, but please look at this as a chance to start over and fulfil your own needs and desires! Take some time being single, build yourself back up, and then start again with a partner much more suited to you, one you’d never have met if not for this break up.

Be grateful to your ex for showing you what you don’t need or want, and don’t be afraid to put your foot down about these qualities in future relationships. You’re still young! Definitely young enough to find love but old enough to know what you want and to not settle.. Good luck!

starrgrrl −  Don’t be discouraged! It’s possible to find love at any age! All of that “if I’m not married by the time I’m in my 30s, I’ll be an old maid” s**t is tired. Now is the time to fall in love with yourself. I truly believe if you focus on loving YOU first, a healthy romantic relationship will follow when you’re ready.

[Reddit User] −  I’m sorry that it didn’t work out! But I can tell you a love-after-30-story. It’s about my SIL (sort of. Her brother and I are not married). She has (had?) a difficult relationship with food, and underlying issues. She felt like her life was not starting off the way she wanted it to for a long time.

She went to a pretty intense, long therapy program. After about 6 months, she started to feel better. After another 6 months, she fell in love with another guy in the program. They moved in together last winter. She is 31 (I think) now, and they moved quite quickly. The advantage of being a bit not-20-anymore is that you know what you want. It’s great!

Breakups are tough, especially when there’s no clear “right” choice. How did you cope with the end of a relationship? Have you found healing and new beginnings after difficult breakups? Share your thoughts below!