UPDATE 2: AITA For canceling on our family cruise?

I’m going to try to keep this one brief since my last update was so long. First, please read my original post & first update post.
Original post: https://aita.pics/OWjDx
First update post: https://aita.pics/krRzB

‘ UPDATE 2: AITA For canceling on our family cruise?’

I took the advice of some commenters and reached out to my favorite aunt (my dad’s sister). I told her that unfortunately I would not be at Christmas this year and I will be taking a break from the family for my own mental health, yet I hoped that her and her children enjoy their time and have a great holiday. She said she understood and was proud of me.

That made me feel better and helped me feel brave enough to finally cut the cord. On Wednesday night my mom texted me for the first time since our phone call, saying “If you’re done trying to break apart the family, we expect you to be here by 9:30 on Christmas.”

I told her the only ones responsible for breaking apart the family are her and my dad, and they should not expect me at Christmas or any future events. I said that I have finally learned to go where I am wanted and that is simply not with them.
I could tell she was ramping up to one of her rants insulting and belittling me, so I then blocked her and my dad. I haven’t blocked James yet though, as that will depend on his response when/if he reaches out.

I already feel so empowered, like a weight has been lifted off me. And on a much happier note, my boyfriend and I are leaving to go on a ski trip for the holidays as soon as we are done with work today! I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to read my posts and offer advice. It was due to the kindness of all you internet strangers that I finally had the strength to cut them out of my life. Thank you so much and happy holidays everyone!

Quick PS: I included that side note in my past update about The Hunger Games as I was hoping to talk about the franchise with people. (At my core, I am still the Tumblr fandom blogger I was as a child haha) Sadly, no one took the bait as there were more important parts of my post to address. That being said, if anyone wants to talk Hunger Games with me, you know where to find me!

See what others had to share with OP:

Lazuli_Rose −  Yay for you. I do wonder if you’ll be expected to pick up the torch and help James once your parents pass on or run out of money.

throwra-vacay −  Also, I’m embarrassed that it took me an hour after posting to come up with this joke but since one of my mom’s favorite sayings has been that green isn’t a good look on me, I think it’s appropriate—ding dong, the witch is dead!

RandomName8844 −  Glad to hear you’re going no contact. When you spoke to your aunt, did you give her any reasoning or background about how things are with your parents? Does she know/understand the situation? Maybe the distance will give your parents time to reflect on their actions as to how things got to this point. Or they’ll double down and play the victim all Christmas. Either way, I hope you and your boyfriend have an incredible holiday season, you deserve it! Don’t worry about what your parents do or think, they don’t deserve the thought space.. Updateme

softgypsy −  How wild is it that there’s a movie contract before the book is even out? The power of Suzanne Collins lol. Also updateme if anything else crazy happens!

Back_In_St_Olaf_ −  I would’ve loved to see the look on your mom’s face when it dawned on her that she was blocked. Unfortunately, I also have experience with narcissistic family members and I know nothing chaps their ass more than not having the final word. I’m very happy to hear that you were able to take this very significant first step towards a happier future. Happy holidays to you and your partner, I hope you enjoy your trip.

b_shert −  UpdateMe! You’ve taken the first steps towards demanding your worth. You’ll probably benefit from therapy because you’re going to need to process how flawed your parents are, that there’s nothing wrong with you, that you’re the s**pegoat in their lives, and they will become so much worse because without you there’s no one to blame their s**tty lives and decisions on. The s**pegoat is the one they need, but love to hate.

You are refusing to continue to play your role and their lives will be worse for it BUT DONT YOU EVER CAVE!! If you ever go back, regardless of their promises, you will be slotted right back into being their whipping girl. They need to destroy you to make themselves feel better about themselves. You deserve happiness and love, your parents are incapable of even loving themselves. Your bro is being ruined by your parent’s over indulgence too. Remember the Dursleys failed at parenting Dudley Dursley just as much as they failed Harry Potter, it just looked different.

itsshakespeare −  Hey – I’m sure you know that there are a number of Hunger Games subs on here, so I hope you find some like-minded people to talk to. Merry Christmas.

Sweet-Interview5620 −  I wish you all the best, I realised that all us unwanted children from toxic families always subconsciously crave that they could love us. We try our best bending over backwards to try and earn their love that should be unconditional. I realised all that subconscious hope did was make me give them more chances and every single chance i gave them just enabled them to abuse and harm me more. I wished I’d gone no contact years sooner.

It was a surprise when I felt no guilt for walking away but I realise you should never feel guilty for protecting yourself. What’s more I realised I never once mourned my actual parents I mourned the lose of the hope of the parents I should have had, the parents my friends all had. I mourned realising they would never ever change. That if losing their daughter didn’t make them even consider simply treating me with respect and like my older siblings to save the relationship.

Then nothing would change them. That they were happy abusing me and how things were and say it as their right. That it was never about me or anything I did or could do. It was always only ever about them. If I hadn’t been born someone else would be their victim. Realising it was never my fault they didn’t love me brought me peace.

When they passed it was no surprise they had spent my inheritance on golden child over the years. They kept giving my siblings thousands without them asking. I never mentioned it but they would actually come to me and say don’t worry they are just getting theirs early. I knew I should also be getting it then but it wasn’t worth a fit. I never got what my siblings did anyway so I was used to it. Just like a thought after they had given my brother and their golden child both their inheritance they then used mine to be able to keep lavishing anything on my golden child sister.

She has never really had a job and apart from stealing from my parents before they passed away. She conned the benefit people proudly. She’s more toxic and a n**cissist than they were. They always told me we know you can look after yourself she need help. I asked them at what point they can say they knew a 10 year old can look after themself and my older sister needed them more. Later in life they would try and say she’s needs them and they need to enable her as she ill. No being a toxic a**sive person is just who she was and who they taught her to be not an illness.

Now GC is all alone now even her own kids and all extended family who were my parents flying monkeys all avoid her to. She’s miserable alone on benefits an a**oholic and was a previous d**g addict but I don’t know if she is again. She honestly got no friends or family as she’s too much of a danger to go near. My parents made her that way and enabled it until they passed.

I remember when she’s endanger frighten and hurt her kids my parents would punish and dress down young school kids for them not wanting to go near her. They would blame them for breaking her heart instead of protecting them. This is how it ended up for her. My parents knew this before they died they must have seen it as there’s no way they couldn’t have.

Top_Put1541 −  Your mom is very confident in her ability to berate you into submission if that’s her idea of inviting someone to Christmas after they passed on Thanksgiving. Good luck in the new year. You will, at some point, want to get into therapy to get constructive tools for processing your grief over the family you don’t have, your grief and anger at the family you do have, etc.

And work out how you’re going to handle your parents sending you things, dropping by, etc. When my husband went low contact with his mom, she reacted by taking the few childhood things he had left in the garage, dumping them in a box, dumping trash on top of the things, then sealing the boxes and blocking in our car with them. People who do not do well with losing control over their s**pegoat child lash out.

Consistent-Primary41 −  I had missed your previous update, but I have an observation/comment that I suggest you consider. Your mother belittled you for not being a mom and therefore not being able to understand their calculus. That is, of course, complete b**lshit. But I will tell you why. I’m a teacher and I work at a lot of schools with a lot of teachers, a fair amount of whom DO NOT have their own kids.

Your average teacher is a far better person at raising kids than the average parent. Very seldom is a parent cleaning up a mess from a teacher, but we spend our days trying to clean up the God damned f**king disaster of kid’s life you send to us every day x hundreds of kids vs dozens of us.

When I see someone post about how a teacher or administrator fucked over their kid, I tell them to absolutely raise hell and get satisfaction. We don’t need those s**t teachers. We want them gone. They make our lives hell. We can’t fire parents like that. We’ll call CPS on them, though. Deservedly so.

You may not know what your parents were doing to raise you, but I assure you they don’t know, either. And they’re telling you this because they don’t want to be exposed for their fraudulent parenting. I don’t say this to be mean, but you are as messed up as your brother to some degree because you ultimately have insufficient parents. If you were as independent as you said, then you missed out on certain developmental stages that are going to colour your viewpoint of life.

I have a lot of students who were forced to “‘grow up” and into “early independence” and the best we can do as teachers is to give them love and a parental figure. They get the education and job s**t fine. We just try to preserve their innocence.
Your parents owed you an innocent, stress-free childhood. So f**k yes, I will question their motherfucking parenting. And you can show them this post when I say F**K YOU AND YOUR NEGLIGENT B**LSHIT. YOU FAILED.