My girlfriend (F28) keeps escalating relationship way before I’m (M24) ready

A Redditor shared that their girlfriend has been pushing for significant life commitments, including moving in, buying a condo, and planning for children, all within a year and a half of dating. While the user loves her, they feel overwhelmed and unready for such rapid escalation in their relationship. Read the full story below.

‘ My girlfriend (F28) keeps escalating relationship way before I’m (M24) ready’

GF (28) wants full blown marriage and commitment from me (24) after only a year and a half. I’ve been seeing my gf since last November and I like her a lot. But she keeps escalating the relationship way faster than I feel comfortable. It started when I took out a lease on a bigger apartment last June and she just decided to move in with me, without even really asking.

It’s been fine and I enjoy having her around. But then she took out a mortgage on a condo this October. I told her I thought things were moving too fast and she said, “Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with you.” I tried to tell her I didn’t want to move there because it’s way further from my job and I would need to buy a car to commute. She got upset and said I wasn’t committed enough to her.

The condo won’t be finished until December and I told her I’d think about it (which I have). But now it’s turned into her expecting me to help pay the mortgage, furnish the place out of my pocket, and go half and half on a car with her, none of which I agreed to. She also said she expects kids within 2 years, and that she’ll go to a sperm bank if I don’t want to do it. I just tell her, “I’ll think about it,” to keep the peace.

She keeps making these huge life decisions and just expecting me to go along with her. Should I just break up with her? It would break my heart. I really do love her and the life we have together now, as is. But I don’t want a mortgage, or kids.

I’ve never written any of this down before. The more I write the more insane I realize this is starting to sound. I’ve just never initiated a breakup before. It terrifies me and I have no idea how to go about it. I keep ruminating about it constantly. It’s driving me crazy. I need help..

TL;DR GF is strong arming me into buying an apartment and having a kid with her way before I’m ready. I think I need to break up with her but I’m scared to.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

post_faith −  I think the most telling part of this is where she continues to tell you that if you don’t want one aspect of this, she’ll accomplish it another way. She isn’t treating you like a partner, she’s treating you like filler. You’re filling a spot in her life. She will fill the others by any means necessary. You cannot possibly want this for yourself, to just be a wheel on the vehicle that conveys her to her ideal future at the sacrifice of your own.

nyorifamiliarspirit −  Dude. You need to learn to use your words.

DFahnz −  What is so scary about the idea of doing what is right for you? Let’s unpack this.

mxster982 −  If it doesn’t feel right to you, and she’s forcing it on you, I’d break up man. She doesn’t care about what you want, just about what she wants. Sit down and have a talk with her about how you’re feeling and if she reacts badly, I’d end it. Spare yourself some trouble.

KoishiChan92 −  She’s afraid she’s becoming old and wants to hurry up with “the rest of her life” (getting married, having children etc) Since you said she is Chinese, she probably has extra pressure from her family too.

If you don’t want to get married, break up with her now, so that she can go find someone else who wants these things quickly. If you hold her back some more, she will hate you for “wasting her time”. Asian people date differently from people from the US. We don’t just move in with people unless we are sure we are going to marry them.

mareliz710 −  She’s almost 30 bro. You guys are jus at different stages in your life. You’re incompatible and it’s neither of your guys fault. Breaking up is best for both of you.

ConsistentCheesecake −  Every time you say “I’ll think about it” when what you really mean is “no,” you are lying to her. She’s created this situation by making decisions unilaterally, bulldozing over you, and manipulating you by accusing you of not being committed to her when you disagree–she’s definitely not acting right. But you’re not acting right either. Stop lying and stand up for yourself! Tell her no, and break up with her! If you don’t want a mortgage or kids, you have to TELL her that.

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like you need to break up with this person. You haven’t been with her that long. She is putting her desires first and not even considering your own. On top of this, it seems like she assigns way too much identity and fulfillment in societal measures of “success”. These things – marriage and kids – should be seen as the icing on the cake of a good foundation of a relationship, not an end game. End this relationship.

CantDoItSober −  I’m 25 this year, been engaged 2 years, with my guy for 5 years… I don’t see the point in rushing. But your comment about really liking her, puts me off. If you can’t even say that you love her after a year and a half I think it’s time to call it. No point in dragging it out for either of you.

vodka_philosophy −  Should I just break up with her? Yes. 1000x yes. She is steamrolling over your entire life and feelings and plans for your future; she only cares about what she wants and isn’t even *listening* to what you want. That is “get the f**k out of there immediately before you end up with an unwanted life and no idea how to escape it” territory.

Should the Redditor stay and try to navigate these overwhelming expectations, or is it time to end the relationship for the sake of their own pace and well-being? How would you approach a partner who pushes for big life changes before you’re ready? Share your thoughts below!