UPDATE:My step sister (20F) texted me (21M) last night asking why we aren’t close anymore and I said its because how bad we treated each other growing up, should I feel bad for not wanting to be close with her?

A Redditor shares an update about their relationship with their stepsister after initially expressing frustration over their strained bond. After a text conversation led to a phone call with their dad, the Redditor and their stepsister met up outside of family gatherings for the first time.

They spent the day together, discussing their past treatment of each other and apologizing for their past actions. While they’re not yet close, the meeting helped clear the air, and the Redditor feels positive about moving forward without the previous tension. Read the original story below…

‘ UPDATE:My step sister (20F) texted me (21M) last night asking why we aren’t close anymore and I said its because how bad we treated each other growing up, should I feel bad for not wanting to be close with her?’

After our text convo that led to my dad calling me asking whats wrong between us I texted her about a meet up at my place. This was the first time we actually met/hung out outside of a family gathering. Before she came over that realization gave me a new look on our relationship.

The whole sit down went well, we actually got along and there wasn’t any name calling or anything “mean”, we talked about how we treated each other and this was the first time I’ve ever heard her apologize for how she treated me growing up and I did the same.

We talked about how the text convo went, and I came to the conclusion that I still had the old image of how she was when I last saw her at 17 and was using that to picture her now. She still kinda acts the same (kinda moody but can hold it in so much better now) but its a lot better.

We talked it out and spent about half the day together just hanging out and I will admit I enjoyed it. I don’t think we will be super duper close but its a step in the right direction and there isn’t a wall of tension between us anymore. Thank you all for the advice and comments it really came in handy and I appreciate it!

TL;DR: Me and my sister talked it out and it went pretty well.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

zero_one_zero_one −  Aw that’s so good to hear. My brother and I treated each other like absolute garbage when we were kids. One day I was thinking about how my friends and their siblings were so nice to each other and thought to myself “why can’t we get along like that?”.

So I went into his room and said “hey, I’d really love to be friends, do you wanna not treat each other like s**t?” We called a truce and from then on we got on like a house on fire. Now we’re best friends. Siblings are weird, they’re horrible to each other for no reason. I dont know why but it’s normal, and normal to grow out of it. Hopefully that’s what’s happening for you guys.

REM_ember −  I hated my sister growing up with a passion. I used to toss and turn at night and every morning wishing I had had literally any other sibling. The last straw for me was when she threw her high heels at me in a screaming fit for borrowing them without asking right after she’d been freely using my car for months, sometimes without asking.

She got a punch in the face for that and we didn’t speak or see each other for five years, only reuniting the first time for our mother’s 50th birthday. Eleven years later and we are each other’s closest confidant and best friend.

When I understood that certain aspects of our chronic, psychological nightmare of a family dynamic were what directly drove her behaviour from the age of 2 to 24, all the apprehension, old resentment, and desperate rage I still held for her which I could not previously resolve internally melted away and was replaced with overwhelming love and acceptance for who she was and is today.

kawaiiko-chan −  I’m so happy for you, OP! I admit, I was a little harsh on you in the last thread (the thought of cutting off a sibling because of the way they acted in their teenage years was absolutely absurd to me, and the fact that so many in the thread were actively encouraging it really confused me), but I’m genuinely glad you’re working towards a positive relationship with your sister.

Remember, it’s a marathon not a sprint – don’t put yourself in situations you don’t feel comfortable in yet because you feel you need to rush the ‘closeness’ process. Genuinely wishing you the best 🙂

PenguinGrits07 −  That’s awesome that you guys gave each other a chance! As an evil older sister, I’m so thankful my younger siblings have forgiven me. We had a big age difference and I was a depressed, moody teenager that hated life and they were obnoxious, normal kids. We are all 3 super close now that we are older but it did take time and effort to get here. For us, our bond is unbreakable and I will forever be so thankful to have them. It took a long time to get here but it was worth it.

lionnessssss −  So cool you did this. Happy for you. Don’t feel Bad for not wanting to be close to her it’s a natural process. Your brain can’t forget easy. It takes getting to see her and talking to her a bit more to see if the change is permanent. Take your time, there’s no rush. But now you are in a good spot.

wiring_malfunction −  Same. My sister and I are 6 years apart and were not close growing up bc of the age difference. For some reason I was really mean to her when I was in middle school and high school. In hindsight it’s bc I was a moody teenager.

Our best story is when I kept telling her she was fat when she was in 2nd grade (she was not at all fat, I was just projecting my insecurities and was jealous of her.) She rode her bike a few miles to the store and bought Slim Fast. In 2nd grade. I was not nice.

We’ve lived together as roommates in our 20’s/30’s, had some fights and didn’t talk once for 6 months. Today she is my absolute best friend in the whole world. Our parents s**k, brother had major issues, and we’ve barely seen our extended family in years, so we have an outlook of “You are my only family and my best friend.” She’s married to a great guy now, and I’m included with his family’s holidays.

CalicoKat2018 −  It took my sister and I 34 years to be “civil”. You might get there, you might not. Just take the relationship with your sister as it is and don’t try to look too far in the future. Also, you’ll realize as you grow up, not everyone else is close to their siblings either.

cherokeejew2 −  Yes I agree good to hear. Baby steps. Give her another chance to make ammends. It’s the right thing to do.

macrodeuce −  So glad to read this. My sister and I didn’t get along either until I left for college, and it was me who was the mean one. I was just an emotional mess and made her my verbal punching bag. I’ve been trying to make up for it since then, so much.

I’m her strongest supporter in the family, I always ask her opinion before deciding family trips (I’m the designated family organizer), always call her with my news first, text and FaceTime her every week just to make an effort…. I think we’ve become pretty close now.

In fact I’m the first one she told she was gay when she came out earlier this year and you bet I supported the crap out of her. If your sister actually apologized then she knows she has to change that dynamic between you two.

And don’t think that there won’t be steps back – there will be because childhood patterns are so hard to fall back into. But keep being there for eXh other and you might find a new best friend at the end.

far_wanderer1984 −  Good to hear your getting sorted. Good luck

Do you think the Redditor is taking a positive step in repairing the relationship, or should they be more cautious about getting too close too quickly? How would you approach reconciling with someone you had a difficult past with? Share your thoughts below!