AITAH for not wanting to babysit my brother’s kid anymore because of how his wife treats me?

A Reddit user shared a difficult family situation where they’ve been babysitting their niece for free, helping out their brother and his wife, but tensions have escalated due to the constant criticism from their sister-in-law. After enduring months of unwanted feedback, the user reached a breaking point and decided to stop babysitting unless things change. Now, their brother and parents are upset, while the sister-in-law remains distant. Was the user wrong for stepping back, or were they justified in setting boundaries? Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITAH for not wanting to babysit my brother’s kid anymore because of how his wife treats me?’

My (28F) brother (30M) and his wife (27F) had their first baby a year ago. I’ve been helping them out by babysitting for free a couple of days a week since they can’t afford daycare, and I work from home. I genuinely love my niece, and I was happy to help out at first.

However, my SIL has always been kind of cold to me, and since I started babysitting, it’s only gotten worse. She criticizes everything I do, from how I change diapers to what snacks I give the baby. She sends long texts with “instructions” every single time, as if I’m not familiar with a baby I’ve been caring for two days a week for a year. Once, I gave my niece a bath because she had a massive diaper blowout, and my SIL freaked out because I “didn’t follow her specific method.”

The breaking point came last week when I was babysitting, and SIL came home early. She didn’t even say hi, just started picking apart what I was doing. I finally snapped and told her that if she doesn’t trust me, she should just find someone else to watch the baby. She told me I was being dramatic and that I “owe it to family.” When I told my brother, he said I should let it go because SIL is under a lot of stress.

I told them I’m done babysitting unless something changes. Now, my brother is upset, SIL isn’t speaking to me, and my parents think I’m being selfish. I feel bad for leaving my brother in a tough spot, but I also feel like I’m being taken advantage of. AITAH?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

SolitaryTeaParty −  NTA. You did a nice thing and your SIL decided that you’re the (unpaid) hired help and she gets to be your overbearing boss. That’s not a healthy “family” relationship, and her being stressed doesn’t mean you should just let her constant criticism go. For your own sake, I fully agree that you take a step back and don’t continue your babysitting. Maybe if SIL sincerely apologizes and changes you could weigh your options, but even then you don’t owe her your time or servitude.

BlossomFairy21 −  For context, my SIL and I have never been super close, but we were fine before the baby came along. I do understand that being a new mom is stressful, and I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve even gone out of my way to ask her how she wants things done, but it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never good enough.

I’m not a parent myself, but I’ve babysat other kids before and I’m pretty confident I know how to take care of a baby safely. I feel like I’ve been trying my best, but it’s exhausting to constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I just wanted to add that I didn’t stop babysitting out of nowhere—I told my brother and SIL a couple of weeks ago that I couldn’t keep doing it if things didn’t improve, but they didn’t seem to take me seriously. I really don’t want to cause drama in the family, but I’m at my wits’ end.

Really-ChillDude −  NTA. They had free a free baby sitter, they were being rude to. They should have both been grateful.

Majestic_Bit_4784 −  NTA. You have been helping them out free of charge, sod them all they can hire someone to babysit their child and tell your parents they can step up to the plate and babysit their grandchild. They are taking the pee out of you, don’t let them.

Clean_Factor9673 −  NTA. By now baby is more mobile; it’s one thing to wfh with a potato but not a toddler. They have to figure out childcare. You are not it. Often that means one parent day shift, the other afternoon shift. Their choicr.

Specialist-Leek-6927 −  NTA.  “owe it to family.” No, you don’t, that’s some entitled bs from someone that dislikes and belittles you, stop helping out, even if they offer to pay you, you shouldn’t allow her to destroy your mental health for the child they conceived, if you bow down, it will only get worse, until they decide you have to play the role of mum(financials included) and they the funny uncle and aunt. They grooming you for that.

sanki4489 −  NTA, you are being taken advantage of. let me start by saying if your parents think you are being selfish then really be one and ask your parent to do the baby sitting. also unless and until your sister in law apologies to you do not even talk to her.

ConfusionHills −  NTA. You don’t owe anyone. Pay me if you’re gonna be that specific about everything.

Ancient-Dependent-59 −  Would SIL expect a paid babysitter or daycare to follow her specific methods to the degree she’s insisting on with you? Your brother and SIL will lighten up when they’ve had to pay for services and received what hired help is willing to perform, or they’ve been rejected for lateness/ill child/insufficient funds/not following instructions, etc. They need a reality check. NTA.

bino0526 −  Brother and SIL should not have had a kid if they can’t afford daycare. What would they have done if OP was not available? Find a way to pay for daycare, maybe?🤔