Friend [37/F] is about to be turned-down for a promotion she has dreamed of for years. I [36/F] know it’s coming and don’t know how to support her or what to do.

A Reddit user shared their experience of helping a colleague, Tina, prepare for a Director role presentation at their company. Despite Tina’s hardworking nature and dedication, the competition for the role was fierce, with one candidate delivering a far superior presentation.

The user is now unsure whether to be honest with Tina about the stark difference in quality between the presentations or to avoid discussing it to protect her feelings. The situation is complicated by the user’s desire to support Tina while also staying true to the reality of the situation.

‘ Friend [37/F] is about to be turned-down for a promotion she has dreamed of for years. I [36/F] know it’s coming and don’t know how to support her or what to do.’

I used to work in a small team at a division of a multinational company. Over time, the culture of the team changed, and a lot of younger people joined. I had previously worked there and was given a lateral move, but a colleague of mine, Tina, is still there. Recently, an opening for a Director role came up, and Tina,

who is hardworking and dedicated, came to me for help. Tina is a single mother who has overcome many personal struggles and has worked hard to support her family. She’s always been tenacious, even in the face of adversity, and has worked her way up at the company.

While she’s an excellent employee and would make a great director, the role has evolved, and I think it may be a stretch for her. Still, I helped her with her application and presentation, and I was really proud of the work she put into it.

On the day of the presentation, Tina was excited and felt good about her performance. The other candidates were mostly internal, but one person had been recommended by a senior VP from another department. This guy, a young Ivy League MBA grad, gave his presentation right after Tina’s.

His presentation was in an entirely different league. It wasn’t just visually impressive, but he demonstrated a deep understanding of the business and presented innovative solutions that blew everyone away. His technical analysis was spot-on, and he even created a tagline that the AVP wanted to use.

The panel seemed to make up their mind about him during the presentation. The VP who recommended him offered to be his reference, and they even mentioned a tentative start date. Tina had no idea about the stark difference in quality between their presentations.

She was so happy with her performance and was sure she nailed it. She spent the rest of the day planning a celebratory dinner, thinking the decision would take a couple of weeks. However, I have a strong feeling that she’ll be informed much sooner that she didn’t get the job, and I’m not sure how to handle it.

If she asks me about the other candidate, I’m torn. Should I be honest with her about how much better the other presentation was, or should I avoid saying anything? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also don’t want to lie. I really want to support her, but I’m not sure how to approach this difficult conversation.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

JimOClay −  I wouldn’t tell her that she isn’t getting the job, but I would give her a heads up that someone else had a really strong presentation, to the point where you aren’t sure what they’re going to do. At least that way she’ll be a little more emotionally prepared when the news comes.

helendestroy −  His technical analysis was so spot-on that it was spooky. One of your VP’s is his mentor and recommended him. Spooky isn’t the word I’d use here. Either way, I think you could tell her that the guy gave a strong presentation so she’s not totally blind-sided but it’s not your place to tell her that she’s definitely not getting it.

Gorm_the_Old −  On the down side, it’s a very difficult situation to be in. But you don’t have to be the bearer of the bad news. Just tell her she did great – and then when someone else does give her the bad news, be there to support her.

One the up side, if I know this guy’s type – and I think I do – he’ll be in that position for all of six months before being aggressively promoted somewhere else in the company, or aggressively recruited by another company, or get ideas in his head about going into politics, and the position will be open again in short notice.

After your friend gets over the disappointment, tell her to keep her resume current and to keep her eyes open.

samsaspeedy −  I so feel for your friend in this situation and I think the slight heads up you mentioned is probably worth giving, just saying “the higher ups loved you but really lost their mind over this hot shot guy.” You can try and pivot to celebrating her pulling off a great presentation/interview.. ​

What stands out to me a little here is that, great, the hot shot understands the company and all these things– but he has the VP as a mentor. Isn’t it possible that this VP coached him into giving this perfect presentation? Did you get any sense of that while in the room?

altergeeko −  It isn’t a total loss. Young people are now jumping from job to job to get better pay and positions. So in couple years this position might open up again.

SPECTRE_UM −  You need to tell your friend that the play now is be the new guy’s lieutenant- he’s not from that division and he’ll need a tour guide. He likely won’t be there for long and it gives her an in as the logical successor if she’s seen as continuity of the hotshot’s agenda.

As for the initial question, you should have straight up told her and not fudge anything…she’s your friend and is entitled to your trust.

talented_dreamer −  Honestly just be there for her. As cheesy as it sounds, be reassuring that she’s done a good job. She can know that she’s worked hard to get where she is and maybe this Ivy League guy was just right place right time.

The best thing about her is it sounds like she’s dealt with hardship before and has a great ability to adapt. She’s a candidate with potential to grow well after she’s been hired, and that’s valuable to some people.

ollieastic −  I think that just being a good listener and shoulder to cry on is what she’ll need. I don’t think that you’ll need to tell her (since the company will be doing that) and so there’s no need to be bad guy here. Just commiserate with her, tell her how great you thought the presentation was etc. No need to mention the other guy.

celestial_toddy −  I mean how do you know that guy will even accept the position? Your company probably isnt the only place hes interviewing. Give her a heads up but it’s not over until it’s over.

awaytomakeit −  I don’t think you should tell her that he had a great presentation- you should just say by the way the team was talking after his, his mentor is recommending him for the job so nothings definite and just a heads up it may not work out as she hoped.

But that however, you saw how amazing she worked on the presentation so are happy to help her in any way if she wants to apply to other jobs or companies.