My (28f) partner (28M) is convinced I am cheating

A woman shares the distressing situation where her boyfriend is convinced she is cheating with a coworker, despite her reassurances and the absence of any romantic interest or inappropriate behavior. After trying to address his concerns by introducing them, the situation has only worsened, leading her to feel increasingly uncomfortable and unable to be open about her work life. Read more below.

‘ My (28f) partner (28M) is convinced I am cheating’

Hi, never thought I’d post here but here we go. My boyfriend is convinced I am cheating on him with a coworker (similar age, M). My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I would like to stress the following:

1. I am not, nor have I ever been, attracted to this coworker

2. This coworker is happily married and treats me no differently to anyone else

3. I am on a graduate scheme so this coworker is senior to me and has a formal mentoring role

4. This coworker has contacted me ONCE personally outside of working hours only to have a work-based catch up with me when I was ill.

This situation is ridiculous. He has become convinced that I am cheating, or am intending to cheat, on him with this man. The coworker and I do get on, but I get on with most people – because we work in close proximity and in the same department (its a huge company) I do mention him more than others when I’m telling stories about my day to my boyfriend. But it’s all really dull work-based crap.

I thought maybe having him meet people where I work would help. This made it worse, somehow, as afterwards he felt vindicated as he had taken everything this coworker had said to him as a subtle indication of his intentions towards me (I, and several others, were in the room the whole time, and coworker did not say anything out of the ordinary).

It’s insane. It’s getting to the point where he’s so upset and uncomfortable that I’m getting nervous and having to not tell him about things that happened at work, because it will involve mentioning this person. In the latest case, the coworler had sent a message to the entire team about an absence, but (obviously) my phone went off and his name appeared and my boyfriend became really distressed.

Tl;dr – boyfriend thinks I’m cheating with coworker, even though I am not and nothing would indicate I am.

Check out how the community responded:

StartDale −  He needs to look at therapy for his insecurities. Could be a symptom of hiding depression or another anxiety disorder. Untreated they can get worse. Either that or he has control issues and is using this paranoia as a way to try and control your behaviour. Isolating you from other people. Has he ever been jealous of male friends or had issues with you hanging out with friends without him or on a girls night out?

sammihelen −  I’d be 100 percent concerned about a guilty conscience. My boyfriend and I don’t have the healthiest relationship in terms of jealousy. He literally thought I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend since we started dating… I didn’t. This came up in conversation because he visited his ex-girlfriend and was justifying it. Either that or there is some kind of s**ual tension between you and your coworker.

SomeKindOfOnionMummy −  I had to break up with a guy for this behavior. A few weeks later he called me and asked why I wasn’t dating “the guy I cheated on him with”. I was like “because that was all in your head?”. People like this will never get better without therapy.

SuspiciousWalk −  Guilty conscience maybe? is your co-worker attractive? He might just be insecure and threatened. His insecurity is on him though, not you, obviously you can help by not cheating or being inappropriate but ultimately it’s up to him to get through his feelings because coming from an insecure person myself, no words put you at ease really you just gotta fight through your feelings and just hope your head/anxiety is making it up.

SHjohn1 −  I had an SO that frequently accused me of cheating, they ended up being the c**ater.

pointlessconjecture −  I’ve always thought that if someone is this irrationally insecure, that it is because they truly trust no one. Because they truly do not even trust themselves. Has he cheated on you? Cheated in the past? What brought about this irrational insecurity?

[Reddit User] −  He could be projecting.

ceward51 −  He may be the one cheating. I’ve seen this a lot in relationships. People do weird things when they feel guilty. I’m not saying it’s a definite but it’s definitely a possibility.

[Reddit User] −  How long have you been with your boyfriend? Does he have a history of insecurity and jealousy?. ​ In my experience, people who baselessly accuse their partners of cheating are often projecting.

CaffeinatedSunrise −  I’ve been through this, where my now EX boyfriend accused me of cheating. I absolutely had eyes only for him. Turns out he was the one cheating and thought accusing me of what he was already doing made him feel less guilty. So, yes, there may be a mental issue and/or insecurity for your boyfriend. But don’t discount the possibility of him having someone on the side. Take care of you. What he’s doing to you is not okay.

Trust is such an essential part of a relationship. How do you handle situations where your partner is insecure or mistrustful without evidence? Have you ever faced a similar situation, and how did you address it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!