[18 M] My parents found out I have a girlfriend [18 F] and they demand that I end it

A Reddit user (18M) shares his struggles after his religious, conservative parents found out that he has a girlfriend (18F). The user, who is studying abroad in the UK, had been in a relationship for over a month with his first girlfriend. Despite his happiness, his parents disapprove of his dating and sexual experiences.

Especially since they found out about a photo of him kissing his girlfriend in a bar. They demand he end the relationship, threatening to disown him if he refuses. The user feels torn between his parents’ strict beliefs and his newfound happiness. Read the original story below.

‘ [18 M] My parents found out I have a girlfriend [18 F] and they demand that I end it’

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over a month. She’s the first girlfriend I’ve ever had. Prior her I had only kissed one girl. I come from a very religious and conservative background. We are Christian. My parents are church elders and the word of God is absolute in our household.

Growing up wasn’t allowed to date girls. If I had done and they found out, there would have been hell to pay. That hell has finally materialised. I’m fortunate that I’m away at university. I’m not even in the same country as them. I’m from Kenya but I’m studying for my undergraduate degree in the United Kingdom.

I only arrived a couple months ago. My girlfriend is from Norway. We stay in the same dorm. I’m very shy and introverted and when I arrived initially, I kept to myself. She is like the total opposite of me – very confident and extroverted.

She would drag me out of my room when I tended to isolate myself, forcing me to interact with other people and to explore. One thing led to another and we started dating. These last few weeks have been the best of my life. Honestly, I’ve never been so happy. My girlfriend is beyond amazing.

Like I wrote, I come from very strict and religious background; an upbringing that didn’t allow dating or s** before marriage. I lost my virginity with my girlfriend. Initially, with my faith, it was difficult to reconcile with, but I realised I couldn’t live in my parent’s shadow forever and I’m now content and at peace with it.

However, it’s not so simple. My parents found out about my relationship. Before coming here, they were clear that dating was off limits. That it was something I should do only when I graduate. They found out about my girlfriend and I because of Facebook. I was tagged in a photograph by a friend – we were kissing.

The pic went onto my timeline and someone from my church back home saw it. That person told my parents and it was game over. My dad called me, in a rage. What made the picture worse was that it was taken in a bar. I don’t drink, but that night, my girlfriend and I -along with a few friends – went to a bar.

They were drinking and I wasn’t. But the table we were sitting at was filled with alcohol and because of that, my parents also thought I was drinking. Oh man, I caught so much hell.

They have demanded that I end the relationship. They made me feel like the Devil. They wouldn’t even let me explain or get a word in. They said if I don’t end it and if I don’t stop “drinking,” they will turn my their backs on me..

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

goingtreefree −  Lucky for you, you are 18 and not living under their roof. Just because they demanded something doesn’t mean you have to do it. Dating is normal at 18 and if you want to do it so be it. Live your life how you want, especially abroad at uni, you aint getting this time back.

jetjetjupt −  Can you keep studying abroad if you just… Keep going? If your current situation is not endangered I’d suggest standing your ground. But if it is… Lie. Don’t give up your happiness.

[Reddit User] −  Well you have two options. 1) You can decide the relationship isn’t worth the fight with your parents and do what they tell you. I personally think this option is s**t.

2) You can put your foot down as a grown adult. You don’t live with them. Hell, you don’t even live in the same country. If this woman makes you happy, you have every right to continue dating her. How do your parents realistically expect you to have “no dating before marriage”? Are they going to force you into some arranged marriage?

You owe it to yourself to do what makes you happy. I’m sorry, I am sure your parents love you but if they don’t allow you to do something as harmless as dating if it makes you happy, they don’t have your best intentions at heart, regardless of their beliefs. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.

MannToots −  How do they expect you to practice the sacrament of marriage if you never are allowed to date? You are an adult. Live your own live as far as I’m concerned. Are they paying for school? If they are start considering other ways to pay.

[Reddit User] −  Ive got some great news for you! There is no invisible man in the sky judging every choice every person makes and pretty much everything you were taught by your parents was a lie.

With that in mind just lie to your parents until you don’t need them to pay for your college anymore and then once you’ve gotten your first job drop as many truth bombs as you see fit.

RedditUserNo1990 −  Let them know you’re an adult and can make your own decisions. If they’re paying for your education and it’s contingent upon you breaking up with this girl plead your case. Personally, if my parents were that controlling I’d do everything i can to cut dependency on them.

superadvance −  Your cultural and religious background is going to be drastically different than mine, but to get some things clear, how is your education being paid for, do you plan on going home to Kenya after you graduate?

What if this girlfriend, or a different girlfriend could lead to a potential future in Europe, would you choose to stay if you could, do you want to? Family will always be family, but that doesn’t mean that they will respect you or your personal wishes.

While its definitely not easy to go against traditions, family, or religion it doesn’t mean it isn’t impossible. If the relationship makes you happy in your day to day life, impacts you positively and opens you to new experiences friends and more, then I think you should put yourself first.

It sure seems like this girl might be worth lying over or going against their wishes. Lets say you do wait until you graduate, its very likely that they will still demand to control who you can and cannot date.

hey will likely require that girl to be of the same religion, and fit their mold, so you should ask yourself if you want your family to have that much power. Its your future, your life, they may have given you life and supported you, but that’s only for the last 18 years, you could have another 60+ ahead of you.

serefina −  This is very common with conservative religious parents. Typically, no one has luck changing their parents’ mind, so the options are 1) live by their rules until you are financially independent of them or 2) lie. Pick your poison.

pfbusybody −  They are thousands of miles away. Just lie.

CuniculusVincitOmnia −  Some thoughts on how to get financially independent from your parents: There was a poster recently in another sub I read who was in a similar situation to you, with parents threatening to cut off her tuition.

Her response was, rather than working on paying tuition herself, to double up on classes and take so many credits that she was able to graduate in two years instead of four. I don’t know if that is possible for you, but it might be worth looking into. It’s possible that it will be more attainable than paying for tuition by yourself would be.

Do you think the user should follow his parents’ wishes and end the relationship, or should he prioritize his own happiness and independence? How would you handle the pressure of balancing family expectations and personal growth in such a situation? Share your thoughts below!