My (36F) husband (36M) caught lying about seeing another girl; do I end this before he does?

A woman has discovered that her husband, who moved from London to marry her, has been dishonest about his actions. Over the course of their marriage, she noticed changes in his behavior, including emotional distance, secretive phone activity, and ultimately, a lie about a trip to see another woman in Denver.

After confronting him, he expressed a desire to work things out, but she no longer trusts him and feels controlled by his actions. She is now unsure how to proceed and whether to ask him to leave or make other decisions regarding their future.

‘ My (36F) husband (36M) caught lying about seeing another girl; do I end this before he does?’

My husband moved here from London to marry me in February of 2017. Honestly, it was a weird transition going from long distance to suddenly living together and married, but I figured that was something we’d navigate together.

The last few months, I noticed a change in his Whatsapp activity- constantly online, last seen time stamps at really early hours in the morning…combined with zero s**, zero touching, barely any talking,I tortured myself over what could be going on.

Long story short: I confronted him about it, even used the name of the girl he was talking to (my friend was holding my husband’s phone when a message from her showed up) and he denied denied denied. Tonight, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, I decided to scroll through Venmo feed.

Seriously I was just vegging out and scrolling. Saw my husband’s name, and transfer to the girl’s name with the title “Damsel in Distress.” Confronted him. Then he told me he’s having doubts about this, about us.

I do understand how difficult it has been to move from London to a suburb, but my empathy stops there. The lies continued. Tells me he booked a trip to Denver last Thursday to see “a mate”. I look up the girl on Facebook, what do you know, she lives in Denver.

He then admits he was going to see her while he was there. The ease with which he lies is unnerving… So here I am. He wants to work things out. I don’t.I don’t trust he won’t come back from Denver in July and tell me it’s over, and here I was, waiting for him and twiddling my thumbs.

He’s controlling the situation, and my trust in him is gone. I want to tell him to either leave now, or plan to relocate to Denver bc he clearly has intentions.
How do I approach this? His “I want to try to fix this” rings h**low and leaves me open to be stomped on at his will.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  He wants to fix things but is still going to Denver? He’s already made his choice, I’m sorry. End it.

dca_user −  I’m sorry, you’re second place. He plans to fly to Denver to meet this girl, and if it does not work out with her, THEN he’ll be kind enough to return to you – UNTIL the next girl comes along

DRHdez −  Go see a lawyer, the sooner the better.

its_true_though −  “We’re done.” That’s how you handle it. Is he using you for a Visa?

EarlGreyhair −  If he truly wanted to work things out he would’ve cancelled that trip to Denver immediately, and without any prompting from you. He doesn’t want to work things out: he wants you on standby in case it turns out that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. I’d tell him to go to Denver and never come back.

omfghost −  If he really wanted to fix things he wouldn’t go to Denver at all. He just wants you to still be here as a failsafe if things don’t work out during his visit. I’d be hesitant to give him another chance – this isn’t a one-night drunken mistake,

it’s a deliberate attempt to build an affair behind your back. I don’t think I could recover from the loss of respect/trust. I would definitely collect evidence of infidelity and lawyer up.

Biplip8 −  Brexit him out of your life. You deserve love and happiness, and this isn’t it. Sure, you invested some time in the guy, but you have at least 50 years of fun left in you. Don’t waste it on tosspots like him.

helendestroy −  I don’t trust he won’t come back from Denver in July and tell me it’s over, He might come back from Denver and tell you he wants to be with you and he’s still shagged her every night he’s gone. If he was putting you first, that trip would have been cancelled already. Get ahead of this. Take back the control.

jussumman −  It’s over. Take steps and move on. I just don’t get why go through all the trouble of getting married and come here to cheat and see someone else? Was it to get American residence? he thinks he’s a stud because he has a British accent? why bother get married, just join hook up sites

GreekGoddessII −  Just tell him that if he still wants to go to Denver, he should exchange his ticket for a one-way because there won’t be anything for him to return for.
Then lawyer up and make a counseling appointment for yourself. If he cancels the trip, book some couples counseling.