[Update] My [21/M] girlfriend [27/F] of almost 3 years proposed to me a few weeks ago. I rejected it and our relationship hasn’t been the same ever since.

After rejecting his girlfriend’s marriage proposal, a 21-year-old man struggled with the fallout in their relationship. Following weeks of emotional distance, he wrote her a heartfelt letter apologizing for his lack of empathy and clarified his future intentions regarding engagement, marriage, and children.

This led to a meaningful discussion where both parties expressed their feelings and found common ground. Read the full update below to see how they resolved their differences and rekindled their connection.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/nNeaj

‘ [Update] My [21/M] girlfriend [27/F] of almost 3 years proposed to me a few weeks ago. I rejected it and our relationship hasn’t been the same ever since.’

I wrote a letter to Sarah. I told her I was sorry for not being empathetic to what she was going through. I told her I didn’t understand how much the proposal meant to her. I apologized if what I said misled her into thinking it was okay for her to propose to me. I listed my timeline.

I said I’d like to be engaged around the time I graduated university and I wanted to get married the same year. I mentioned I was open to having children with her.
I gave Sarah the letter when she came home from work. She read it and we had a discussion about everything over dinner. My girlfriend apologized for mistaking my words as a green light for her to propose. She expressed regret for withdrawing physical intimacy and distancing herself from me for 3 weeks.

Sarah explained to me how she never wanted kids or marriage at the beginning of our relationship, but seeing all her friends get married made her question that. My girlfriend realized she wasn’t content anymore on staying child free and not getting married for the rest of her life.

My girlfriend told me my timeline was acceptable for her. Sarah asked if I could be the one to propose to her this time – I told her I would. I’ve never seen my girlfriend so giddy with excitement before. I’m glad we could come to a happy solution. I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with this woman.

I love her with all my heart and I couldn’t see myself being with a different person. I know I’m young to get married, but I’m absolutely ecstatic to start a family with my girlfriend. Our relationship is back to normal, we have s** everyday and she’s comfortable initiating with me again.

She doesn’t cry in secret anymore and we’re back to our regular levels of physical intimacy. I deeply regret rejecting her proposal because in reality this is what I wanted the whole time.

I just needed a few days to seriously think about it. I’m glad my girlfriend has forgiven me for this. I know both of us are equally at fault because of our lack of communication but it really did s**k having to reject her..

 

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

LyssaBrisby −  This is a happy update, but honestly I am very concerned for you. You’re 21. Your feelings can easily change, and your personality develop dramatically, in the next five years. Making a promise this specific is basically like proposing already, in her eyes – and if you find yourself needing to change your mind, you could really mess with her timeline for having kids.

Think twice, honestly. She’s putting a lot of eggs in this basket, pardon the pun. If you need the room to change – and you probably do – that’s the situation she needs to realize she’s in. Right now it just seems like you said exactly what you needed to in order to get the s**-tap turned back on.

EarlGreyEveryDay −  You handled this really well! Congrats on the happy update 😊

lol_jesus_died −  Man, I’m only 23 and I already feel like I’m a different person than I was at 21.

slinky999 −  I mentioned I was open to having children with her if that’s what she wanted. So you don’t really want kids, but you’ll have them just to keep her happy ? I’m sorry but that’s a terrible reason to have kids. You are 21.

Your GF is six years older than you at 27, and has only a finite amount of time to have kids. Of course her hitching her wagon to a 21-year-old when she wants to have kids isn’t the smartest idea, but that’s neither here nor there.

What I’m getting at is, don’t stay with her just because you don’t want to break up, don’t get married just because of pressure, and don’t have kids just because she wants them and you don’t want to lose her.

Making all these choices because of what *other people want* and not because of what *you want* is a perfect recipe for resentment later on. The person you are now at 21 is not going to be the same person you will be at 25, or 30.

Meantime she is 6 years older than you and her bio clock is ticking. Please just move forward cautiously and don’t commit to things for the wrong reasons, ok ? Finish your schooling first, start your career then evaluate.

catjuggler −  Would you definitely want to get married right after graduating if there wasn’t this situation with the age difference? It seems like you’re meeting her in the middle which is great for a lot of things but not for this.

Yaverland −  distinct weary engine cake station materialistic nose brave tidy bright

quhzk_quhzk −  Sarah explained to me how she never wanted kids or marriage at the beginning of our relationship, but seeing all her friends get married made her feel left out That’s a really stupid reason to tie your life to another person’s until you die.

If I got married in my mid-20’s when all of my friends were doing it, I would be absolutely miserable. If she wanted kids and marriage, I’m not sure why she started dating someone who was barely of-age. You’re only 21. Don’t let her rush you into anything.

[Reddit User] −  If y’all are happy I genuinely hope it works out! 22 and setting a timeline to be married is so alien to me though. I was changing countries for the second time and getting my best friend to test out rooms in a flatshare for when I came home 🤷🏾‍♀️

Gogogo9 −  Sarah explained to me how she never wanted kids or marriage at the beginning of our relationship, but seeing all her friends get married made her question that.

My girlfriend realized she wasn’t content anymore on staying child free and not getting married for the rest of her life. Man, Facebook should really be getting a percentage from the Wedding industry.

Gogogo9 −  I’ve made up my mind. I want to marry this woman. I appreciate your concern for me. I’m obviously hoping that this works out and we’re still together many years down the line. OP, the advice people are giving you is reasonable and good,

and make no mistake you should take it into account as it does provide you with some level of insight into future events. However, there’s always going to be some statistic about how people’s brains or personalities continue to change well into their 90’s or whatever.

Someone with an anecdote about how they thought they would be with their partner forever at one point but then people change, things fall apart, the centre cannot hold, life happens. These things are all true.

The person you are now may not be the person you are 5 years from now, and 10 years from now you may not be *that* person either. But putting off your life, waiting until you reach that point of equilibrium or stasis is going to have you waiting forever.

The reality is you can only guard against future mistakes so much. You do what you can to prepare yourself, aware yourself of common obstacles etc, but at some point you just have to pull the trigger and let the chips fall where they may.

Sure, there are plenty of people who got married young and it didn’t work out, there are also plenty of people who did the same and are together 50 years later.. So good luck.