My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it

A Reddit user shared her frustration after her boyfriend canceled their holiday plans, only to take the trip last minute with his own kids while she was stuck working. Their relationship already has challenges due to an income and age gap, but his decision left her feeling excluded and envious of the lifestyle disparity.

As she tries to reconcile her emotions, she wonders if her feelings are justified or if she’s overreacting. Read the original story below for the full context.

‘ My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it’

My boyfriend and I have a couple of kids between us, from previous marriages. We have been together 4 years, but lately it’s been a little rocky. Last year, I organized and took us all to the lake. This year, I was working on a huge project and so couldn’t do that.

We threw around some dates and possible outings, I took the time off work, and figured something would work out. When it became clear about a month ago that he wasn’t ready to solidify any plans, I decided I’d just work over the time I booked off and take a holiday in the fall instead.

I don’t get much time off and wanted it to be special. That said, I really do need a summer break. This week, he was off work and kind of announced out of nowhere that he had decided to go to one of the places we were considering. He’s there with his kids now, doing all of the things I love to do and I’m stuck at work.

Of course, it’s been a hell week and I’m run ragged, plus feeling major mom guilt that my little is in a city camp instead of having a beach fire by the ocean after surfing all day. This guy can be inconsiderate at times. I can also be super highly sensitive.

We spoke on the phone this morning and I asked if he just didn’t want us along and that’s why the last minute decision to go after I was stuck at work. He stated he felt backed into a corner with that and he had an invite from a friend in the area and didn’t want to pass it up when he was off anyways.

I figured that was fair and tried to send a cute pic tonight to make up for the tense convo this morning, but he called and said he couldn’t open the pic on his phone at present because they’re out on the water watching the sunset from a friends boat. Ugh! Jealous!

There is an income disparity between us. We pay 50/50 for things and I’m quite comfortable in my career and life, but he has one of those very well paid professions where you don’t have to work that often. Because of how his divorce went, he’s really touchy about thinking others are using him for money.

I figure that’s fine, whatev, and treat him like other men I’ve dated and just pay my way, sometimes treating him, sometimes being treated. Hes older and seems to be easing towards early retirement, whereas I have many years of work left.

I see my peers and men my age all working and not being able to dash off on a moments notice but still enjoying a happy life. I envy those without the dual age and income gap because to be honest, he often makes me feel pathetic and like my life is s**t, when really that is far from the case.

I felt so stupid with my little pic waiting to be sent (a cute/sexy pose in front of my beach theme shower curtain to show there’s no hard feelings and we can both enjoy the beach) while he’s reclined on a yacht on the water with people laughing around him.

I feel so silly and pathetic that after a night on the water he will open a pic of me with my pvc beach. Ugh. Am I being a spoilsport here? Would this bother you? What would your next steps be?

This isn’t the first time his wealth has shown up in a way that makes me feel pathetic or like my child is getting a lesser quality childhood, and while we remain not ready to merge households (his choice), I’m not sure how long I can tolerate this.

He says he really wants to be with me and wants to go away next weekend, but if I hear another thing about this trip while I’m sweating over multiple work deadlines while sweating through my commute, I’m going to scream.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

ChaoticxSerenity −  Hes older and seems to be easing towards early retirement, whereas I have many years of work left. I see my peers and men my age all working and not being able to dash off on a moments notice but still enjoying a happy life. I envy those without the dual age and income gap

I mean, it just sort of feels like you’re incompatible due to different stages of life. As you said, he’s probably going to retire soon, but you’ll be working a while. What are you going to do once he retires and gets to go on trips all the time while you work?

hopingtothrive −  Sorry. He’s too old. He is not treating you like you are important. He is treating you like a-little-on-the-side. Paying 50/50 when you describe him as “rich” shows how crappy he is. He’s taking advantage of you.

coloradyo −  Did he have any reaction to you deciding not to follow through with the holiday? Was he bummed out? Is it possible he thought you didn’t want to go with him, so now he went without you?

octropos −  Jesus this is unexceptable. I normally don’t tell people they need to date someone more their speed, but this guy sounds too independent for a relationship. I’d downgrade him to a fuckbuddy and tell him straight to his face he’s not ready for a relationship and you’ll find someone who is.

50 is too old for a cat to change his stripes. He clearly would rather do everything his own way and still have the benefit of a comfort gf. This guy is not going to be an equal life partner for you. He is set in his independent ways and he will never meet you half way, not truly.

[Reddit User] −  To be honest, I find it concerning that you think of yourself as a pouty woman over this. This was not okay. And I suspect it’s part of a larger problem. Of course individuals in relationships can go on vacation by themselves sometimes, but in this circumstance it sounds selfish and inconsiderate.

You don’t sound happy OP. And he can have all the money baggage he wants from other relationships, but it’s never good to let that baggage effect someone who wasn’t a part of creating it.

He is being selfish. With his time and with his money. By now he should know you aren’t after him for that. You don’t feel good in this relationship. Have you considered maybe there is a better one out there for you ?

greasy_pee −  Why are you f**king this old man that doesn’t even respect you?

jumpcutfutures −  Honestly, you sound like a catch. Let someone better than this catch you.

Opinionatedintrovert −  I broke up with my boyfriend because he was not interested in merging lives and kids after 2 years. That this is your situation after four and the things you wrote tells me that you will never get full buy-in from this man -is this what you want?

I would walk, it sounds like you have to edit yourself and wrangle him too much for a satisfying long term partnership.

Meloetta −  Does he have a habit of being wishy washy on plans until the last second? That kind of thing drives me crazy. I know you think you’re in the wrong here, but I would also be fairly pissed if I had been trying to plan something for months, had no commitment or help,

and then they went *anyway* because they can do things last minute and they don’t really care that you can’t. I don’t think you need to minimize his actions like you are – he really screwed you over this summer and it deserves a talk.

Turquoise1307 −  He’s treating you as a convenience. When you are nice to him and doing what he wants and expects, it’s fine. But as soon as you start asking for respect or you call him out for something, you’re a burden and he doesn’t want to be bothered.

‘He can be sweet’ is a line I’ve heard from every single woman who is dating a selfish guy. He’s sweet when he wants to be – to keep you in the relationship. He’ll be nice to you when he wants to be to keep the relationship,

but the minute anything gets difficult, he backs off and does his own thing. He isn’t listening to your needs or respecting you. Given the money thing, he doesn’t sound like someone you should be wasting any more of your time on.

Would you feel overlooked in a relationship like this, or is her boyfriend’s spontaneity reasonable given the circumstances? How do you think she should address the wealth and lifestyle gap impacting their connection? Share your thoughts below!