Step-father [44M] slapped my sister [14F] across the face and I [16M] shouted at him. Now mom [42F] wants us to apologise to him.

A 16-year-old boy is grappling with how to respond after witnessing his stepfather slap his younger sister during an argument. The boy intervened, shouting at his stepfather and protecting his sister, but now their mother is demanding they both apologize to the stepfather — the sister for calling him “mean” and the boy for shouting.

Feeling that the stepfather is in the wrong and should apologize, the boy is conflicted about how to handle the situation, especially with his mother seemingly siding with her husband.

‘ Step-father [44M] slapped my sister [14F] across the face and I [16M] shouted at him. Now mom [42F] wants us to apologise to him.’

Mom married to him 5 years ago. Generally it’s been fine, he never got involved in our affairs and always was neutral in whatever issue. He always left our mom to deal with us (which is what you’re supposed to do I guess?). However he’s become a little angry and tense these past 6 months or so.

I don’t know why. But he’s never hit us before. Two nights ago my sister was talking to my mom about going to a camping trip with her friend’s family and my mom was saying no. Sister was insisting and was upset and frustrated that mom was not allowing it and told her that she’s unfair and she doesn’t want her to have fun.

He was there too, he told my sister to be respectful to her mom and this conversation is over. My sister was upset and told him that he’s so mean today (well, he was a little moody earlier that day and made a comment about TV volume earlier as well). He suddenly just slapped my sister across the face.

Strong enough to put her to the ground, not strong enough to leave bruises. I don’t think my mom saw this directly, she had her back towards them. She was putting something in the fridge or something. I was seeing this and jumped towards my sister.

He was approaching her, I don’t know why but I was angry and shouted at him to stay the f**k away from her. I took my sister back to her room upstairs and stayed there with her until she fell asleep. We could hear him and mom arguing downstairs. Yesterday morning he left very early for work (before we woke up).

Mom didn’t say much. We spent the evening in our rooms and didn’t come down at all. I was thinking he should come and apologise to my sister. Well. Mom came late at night and told us both that we need to apologise to him. My sister for calling him mean and me for shouting at him. I can’t believe it.

I understand that I shouldn’t have shouted but it was a reaction to him hitting my little sister! What did he expect me to do? Let him go toward my sister right after hitting her? Mom said that she expects us to apologise to him in the morning but we didn’t come down for breakfast at all.

Mom came up and asked what’s up and I told her that I won’t apologise until he apologises to my sister, and she told her that she wants an apology from him. Mom told me that my sister is just rebelling because of me and this is bad for her.

They’re at work now and will be back in the afternoon. Should we just apologise and get it over with? I think he is in the wrong way more than we were.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

joker-lol −  Absolutely don’t apologise. I’d have done the exact same thing if anyone ever hit my brother – well, actually, I have, one of my uncles once raise his hand to hit my brother (he was around 12 and I was 16) and I jumped in, screamed at him and took my brother away. Hitting a kid, hard, is never okay.

maxwellemiller −  Has your mother ever hit you? Is this the kind of discipline she considers normal? Don’t apologize, and let her, or both of them, know that this isn’t going to be tolerated by either of you. It will just continue if you apologize because he will take your apology as “i can get away with it”

If they refuse to accept that what he did was wrong i’d file a**ault charges. He needs to know it isn’t right, and it’s not going to happen again. There are too many instances where mothers put new boyfriend/husbands before their kids.

You stood up for your sister, which is awesome, and shows you’re strong enough to do what needs to be done. Don’t give in

HelenKellersSpotify −  I haven’t seen this said, but OP you said you could hear your mom and step dad arguing from upstairs right after it happened, yes? This concerns me. It tells me that she is *fully* aware of how wrong he was to hit your sister (or they wouldn’t have had a shouting match).

Somehow your step dad obviously won that argument, she sided with him and is now asking you guys to do something she probably knows isn’t right. This doesn’t change the advice everyone else is giving. Tell the school, another adult, or the cops.

Absolutely send a strong message that you’ll raise hell to protect yourself and your sister. But Idk how wise it would be to talk it out with your mother. She obviously knows he struck your sister and that it was wrong (thus the arguing) but she took his side anyway.

She probably won’t be willing to put a stop to it in the future either. And, just a thought, do you think your step dad could in some way be a**sive to your mother as well? Is she afraid of him?

[Reddit User] −  Call the f**king cops. F**k your stepdad and f**k your mom for defending him.

panic_bread −  “Apologize? He assaulted (sister). You’re lucky I don’t call the police. He has no right to put a hand on either of us.”

NoxWild −  I wish I’d had a brother like you.

Floomby −  On Monday, tell someone at your school or her school. Even if you aren’t back at school yet, it’s quite likely that both of your schools have the full office staff working there for at least part of the day. Ask to speak to a principal, vice principal,

or guidance counselor and tell them that it’s an urgent matter about your home life. If your Mom feels financially dependent on your stepdad, that would explain why she is reluctant to lose him, even if, as you seemed to indicate at the beginning of your post, something is going wrong in their marriage.

Miss_Montgomery −  This is sending up all sorts of red flags for me. In my experience women often put their new boyfriends/husbands etc above their kids. The whole “you need to apologize” was just step one in him gaining control over your mom and then you and your sister.

When I was in your situation I went along with it, I didn’t want to stir the pot. My sister was 14 and I just wanted to protect her. It kept getting worse and I became to scared to call the police and in hindsight I should have done it from the very first time.

Over the years it got way worse but as I’d never called the police there was no record and legally there was nothing they could do. Without any evidence and a file they can’t arrest someone or have a restraining order based on “you said so”.

If I could go back in time, no matter what the short term ramifications were I’d have called the cops and filed a report every single time their fights got out of control or he touched your Mom, you or your sister. Even if this was a one time insistent it would do him well to have a reality check about how unacceptable this was.

ladydeedee −  Absolutely do no apologize, you can tell your mother it is not going to happen and that you won’t stand by while he abuses your little sister.

[Reddit User] −  No, do not apologize to him. Sit them both down and tell them that while your sister being disrespectful was out of line, that was no excuse to a**ault her. if either of them ever raise a hand to either of you, you will contact the police to have the offender removed.

By the way, I suggest you take photos of any bruising that develops. Hopefully that will concern him enough to prevent him from hitting her again. Sadly, it sounds like your mom is more concerned about keeping him around than with your well being. Is your father in the picture, or is there family you two could stay with if things get bad?