[Update!] I [35 M] feel like I made a huge mistake by marrying my wife [30 F], but I also feel like a huge h**ocrite because I was the one who changed.

A man reflects on a turning point in his life after feeling disconnected from his wife and son due to work stress. Realizing that his excessive workload was straining his relationships and happiness.

He took steps to reclaim balance by reducing work hours and opening up to his wife. Together, they are working toward rebuilding their connection. Read the full update below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/eteQz

‘ [Update!] I [35 M] feel like I made a huge mistake by marrying my wife [30 F], but I also feel like a huge h**ocrite because I was the one who changed.?’

I took a week to think about the post and my own feelings. I talked it out in therapy and I came to the conclusion that I could not keep working 70 hours a week. It was destroying my relationship with my wife and son and it was also destroying my happiness.

I spoke to my boss and he was very understanding and told me that there was enough in the budget to hire an assistant for me. My assistant started two weeks ago and my work load has been dramatically reduced. I have been able to work a normal 40 hour work week and I am now finally coming home before 6:00 PM each weekday!

I spoke with my best friend about my wife and he knocked some sense into me. He told me how jealous he and the rest of our friends were over my wife and how lucky I was to be with a woman who is super-model attractive, yet driven and kind and compassionate like my wife.

Later that night, I drank a bottle of scotch and got sloppy drunk. My wife found me puking in the bathroom and in my drunken haze I confessed to her everything I was holding back. I told her about how I felt left out because I wasn’t around for our son, how I didn’t feel connected to her like I wanted to be, the whole nine yards.

She held me and let me cry it out and she told me that she loved me. The wife and I are headed to couple’s counseling, but we also signed up for cooking classes to build a common hobby. She says that she will stay by me as long as I stay be her, no matter what happens.

I love her and she loves me and I think we are going to be okay. One last detail that I can’t think to put anywhere else: All three of us are taking a month-long vacation after Christmas in order to have family bonding time. Wife and I both agree that we need this vacation.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

CthulhuLives69 −  Good for you (and your family). I love happy updates.

Lordica −  Good for you! Now keep it up. Don’t do the stoic, suffer-in-silence type. Trust your wife to listen to and care about your problems. A SAHM can still be educated and sophisticated. Encourage her to grow intellectually with you.

sunflower-power −  I’m so glad that you have decided to cut back on your work hours and reconnect with your wife and your family as a whole. I just want to suggest something that perhaps you haven’t really considered: being a stay at home parent is hard work, too.

Since you were only seeing your wife later in the evening when you got home, you missed all the tasks she did that day before freshening up and settling down to await your arrival while playing with Baby. You were gone early each morning, before she got up and her own workday began.

I’ve been a stay at home parent before. Every time you try to do some task, the baby or toddler comes along and messes it up again or creates a worse mess than before. Your couch gets scribbled on with pens when you’re not looking, you sometimes clean urine and vomit and poop off your own clothes multiple times a day.

Things get broken, things get dirty, things get very untidy in only a matter of moments. It’s not as easy as it looks from the outside. And while you’re caring for the baby, you’re also rotating through the daily/weekly housekeeping tasks like interminable amounts of laundry, cooking, shopping, running to the dry cleaner’s,

cleaning the bathrooms, mopping the floors, cleaning up spills and puke and diaper accidents. It can be difficult to even get a chance to shower yourself. It can be extremely difficult to get things in order enough so that by the time your husband gets home from work,

he sees his wife and baby both showered and clean, quietly playing in the living room together, with dinner on the table. A stay at home wife and mother typically has had no adult conversation all day long unless she spoke to a cashier at the grocery story and she’s probably aching for a normal conversation with you.

You’re probably already aware of all of this, but it’s very difficult to compare your office job with what LOOKS like sitting around playing with the baby all day. It’s not a fair comparison. Perhaps you could sit down with your wife and ask her what her days are like, what her daily routine is.

Tell her you want to know everything, from poopy diapers to the sippy cup that somehow got milk on the ceiling. I think that once she opens up about how much she actually does on any given day, you may feel a lot less resentful of what appears to be an easy job.

Your wife sounds like an honest, hardworking, lovely woman, and I’m only saying these things to suggest another perspective, not to be judgmental. After having been a stay at home parent in the past, if I was offered that choice or a full time job to choose between on scales of effort, I’d take the full time job any day of the week!

rinnial −  I actually came out of lurkdom just to comment on this. I read your last post, and I have to say, my (ex) husband was you. He felt exactly the same way about me, his degree was in engineering and mine in psychology, and we had always discussed and planned on my staying home.

In fact, once our daughter was born he INSISTED on it. But he also hated me for it. I could tell something was wrong and just begged him for years for counseling. But no go, he wouldn’t admit things were less then perfect, but he also became nastier and meaner and more derisive the longer we stayed together.

At the end, I left him. I didn’t want to but I did it because he would not adress the issue. Your update made me cry, what I wouldn’t have given to have him have your attitude, and our two kids would still have their parents together. Good for you, your wife, your kids and your future self will thank you for it.

dorianfinch −  Your wife sounds like a keeper. And you know the old cliche, “the grass is greener where you water it.” Glad you started watering your lawn.

ChaoticSquirrel −  Awww okay, that made me tear up a bit. Good on you for communicating 🙂 Keep the lines open!

inspctrgdgt −  This is probably one of my favorite updates EVER.

laissetomber −  I remember your post! I’m so glad you got your work hours reduced because 70 hours is insane for anyone. Also glad that you told your wife what you were holding back. That’s often the hardest part (to just say what you’re feeling) but often the most needed.. Enjoy your family time 🙂

ILiveInAMango −  This is like the adult version of Inside Out. Everything gets better after you open up.

JustAGamer1947 −  taking a month-long vacation. Now this is good news my man. I hope this really pays off for you and your family. Glad to see you working on your problems!. All the best for the future OP!! Now to talk to my boss about that leave….

This story shows how confronting personal struggles and fostering open communication can pave the way for healing in a marriage. Do you think the changes they’ve made will help strengthen their bond? How would you balance personal growth with family responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!